What are the signs of attention deficit disorder (ADD)? Because I am pretty sure my last date has it. And when I say 'last date', it will definitely be my last date with him. Blah!#$%^&*!
Hey ADD boy, pay attention. Later half way through the date would I realize that he doesn't pay for anything.
He was a pathetic date indeed. Before a date I usually do a quick background search, a girl never knows these days. Well, he failed it miserably. Wow. I was going to cancel the date but out of sheer morbid curiosity, I decided to keep it. First of all, he thought he was a writer often referred to himself as such. And doing so very often. *eye roll* He could barely spell his name. Okay, first we met at a restaurant. We have sandwiches, nothing formal. The conversation was all about him, I Wonder sometime if he thought he was in a therapy session. Talking about how many bad relationships he has been in. Coincidentally, they all involved him, he obviously has not figured out the common denominator. By the way, did I mention I looked up his record. He has quite the attitude and enough restraining orders on him to make Bill Clinton seem innocent.
So during lunch, he talked about himself, a lot, and how he wants to right books about how his previous girlfriends wronged him... WHOA, back up! Did he say that he wants to wright books on how bad his relationships were? Yup, that is what he said. He is a real fun date uh? An idol of idiot worshipers I would say. It has been over an hour into the date had he hasn't even complimented me yet. Hasn't asked me any questions, nothing. I'm not saying the date revolves around me but I think I am taking part in the date. Wait a minute... is that a fat lady I hear singing??? no, I guess not, the date is still going on. Pisser! Ooh, the check is finally here, now I can thank him and go.
The waitress put the check on the table and as she walked away, he slid the check over to me and said, "Thank you for lunch." What the hell?! The look on my face must have been priceless but apparently, lunch wasn't. Okay, just because I didn't want to create a scene and I wanted to bail, I paid the bill. "Okay, yeah, see ya, have a safe drive." I said as I turn to leave and pay the check. Don't bother trying to figure out if he left the tip, he didn't. On my way to my car, I realized he was following me. "Do you need directions to the highway from here?" I asked him. "No, I was going to ask you if you wanted to play pool?" he replied. What? it was almost 2:00 in the afternoon. I tried to come up with a good excuse, "No, I have stuff I have to do, homework." Then he quickly and unwittingly replied without a clue, "Before, you said you didn't have any plans for later today. It is only one game." Ugh! "Are you serious?!" I asked him. "Yeah. I like to play pool." Okay, I guess I felt sorry for the dumb guy, uh, I mean the dumb blank expression on his face. Plus, he did drive a little over an hour to go on a date with me. "Okay." I agreed to play one game of pool.
We went to a near by pool hall. He proudly looks at me with change in his hand and says, "I'll get it." Wow, where was that enthusiasm when it was time to pay for lunch. Anyway, he puts the ball set on the table and he actually flips a coin to see who will break. Are we in the fourth grade? I tried to slid the hint across the table that we needed to order something to drink. "We should probably order something to drink, they wouldn't appreciate it if we just played pool without ordering anything." Okay, ... a real man would have at least stepped up and said, "You're right. What would you like to drink?" and then would have proceeded to the bar keep to get us drinks. What does this Schmuck say? "I don't care what we have as long as you're buying."
Ladies, that is a quote. He actually said that! "What did you say?" I asked him as I whipped my head around with the look of hell fire glowing in my eyes. In a softer calmer voice, "I'm just saying, whatever you want to buy me is fine." he replied with his ears folded back like a scolded dog. I took in a deep breath of irritation and shock, walked up to the bar and looked at the bar keeper. A nice older fellow looked at me as though he has seen this type before, "What can I get you?" He asked with a half smile rounding his face. "A white dove and a bottle of Similac.", I wittingly retorted. "What did you say?" he asked with a confused look and a tilt of his head. I shook of the idea, "A white dove and a class of water please." I responded. "White dove and a glass of water.", he repeated. "No, I guess you better make it two white doves." I said as disappointment crowned my aching head. I looked back at the pool table where prince not-so-charming and not too bright was trying to figure out where the triangle to rack is kept.
I just looked at the bar keeper who was waiting for payment, paid him for the drinks, shook my head and rolled my eyes at the pitiful sight behind me. "Thank you, please keep the change." I went back the table handed him his drink and then plucked the triangle from the place it was hanging just inches from his fat head. I handed it to him, "Looking for this?"
The pool game begins. Now, I am not afraid to admit that I am not very good at pool, in fact, I openly mentioned this to him. When I miss a couple of what I am told by him are "easy shots" he looks at me and says, "You are probably trying to shark me." Oooh, "Yeah," I said. "I am sharking you because I want to pay for lunch." Stupid.
Can he make any more of an ass of himself? Apparently he can. After the game I said "good bye" again and "have a safe trip." I just threw that last one in there to seem nice. At this point, I didn't care if he had a bad trip or not. In fact, I wanted to push him down and not even wait for him to trip. LOL He asks me if I want to kiss him. "No thanks, I don't kiss on the first date." Well, do you want to feel me and see if I have something you like?" UGH! F**ker! I told him, "You better leave before I smack you for being so disrespectful to me!" Then he says, as if that comment didn't come out of his mouth, he says, "Thanks for lunch." All I could say with a pissed off look on my face as violent cartoon images were going through my mind, "You're welcome." Add I left. Can you imagine? That piece of crap actual emailed me a few days later asking me if I want to buy a copy of his book. By the way, did I mention that his "book" was mearly a 30 pages folded in half with staples. Yeah, he just was printing them off himself saying that they were published. Idiot! I blocked him on my email.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
The race card
Wow, I am so tired of people playing the "race card" and now it seems worse now that Obama is in the White House. Okay, so I am on this Internet date with this really cute guy who happens to be black. We are doing the question and answer thing and out of no where he calls me a raciest because I like Nelson Mandela.
Are you kidding me???? ME? A raciest??? I was so pissed off! How does anyone get the idea of racism if I like Nelson Mandela. I told this guy that Nelson Mandela is an amazing person who has had a great impact on the world. Wow, anyone who knows me or has met me knows that I of all people am NOT a racist. And for those of you who do not know me, my ex-husband is black, a true African, my son was half black. Give me a break! I can understand if I said something that was negative about black people, like um... why do they like to always play the "race card".
IS THERE ANYONE NORMAL OUT THERE??????
I hate it when people make rash assumptions that are not only incorrect, but completely inappropriate. Yeah, I try to tell you all of the funny and weird things that happen on dates, but please, let this blog post bring some awareness to people of all colors and nations. Don't be so fast to judge a person when you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.
This guy would have done better if he talked about fishing but then he probably would have said that I was a spaciest because I don't like fishing. I would like to throw that guy in the lake though. It just irritates me so much!
UPDATE:
We talked a bit more through emails and apologized and things seem worked out. He called me at home. Everything was just a misundersatdning obviously. Anyway, we did have a phone date this evening. Nice voice, he seems a bit full of himself but dating is strange, you have to put your best forward first I guess it can make you be perseved as full of yourself. We talked on the phone date 1 1/2 hours. I am not sure what I think of him just yet but we did arrange a date. So I guess I will know more when I met him. Here comes the judge... LOL
Are you kidding me???? ME? A raciest??? I was so pissed off! How does anyone get the idea of racism if I like Nelson Mandela. I told this guy that Nelson Mandela is an amazing person who has had a great impact on the world. Wow, anyone who knows me or has met me knows that I of all people am NOT a racist. And for those of you who do not know me, my ex-husband is black, a true African, my son was half black. Give me a break! I can understand if I said something that was negative about black people, like um... why do they like to always play the "race card".
IS THERE ANYONE NORMAL OUT THERE??????
I hate it when people make rash assumptions that are not only incorrect, but completely inappropriate. Yeah, I try to tell you all of the funny and weird things that happen on dates, but please, let this blog post bring some awareness to people of all colors and nations. Don't be so fast to judge a person when you have absolutely no idea what you are talking about.
This guy would have done better if he talked about fishing but then he probably would have said that I was a spaciest because I don't like fishing. I would like to throw that guy in the lake though. It just irritates me so much!
UPDATE:
We talked a bit more through emails and apologized and things seem worked out. He called me at home. Everything was just a misundersatdning obviously. Anyway, we did have a phone date this evening. Nice voice, he seems a bit full of himself but dating is strange, you have to put your best forward first I guess it can make you be perseved as full of yourself. We talked on the phone date 1 1/2 hours. I am not sure what I think of him just yet but we did arrange a date. So I guess I will know more when I met him. Here comes the judge... LOL
Sunday, September 27, 2009
If you give a woman a fish...
If you take a woman out for fish, she will stay for the whole date. If you tell her how to fish, she will stay away forever.
To fish or not to fish? That is the question!
You fish, there for I am not dating you.
It is all fun and games until somebody gets a fish in the eye.
Hey, is that a fish in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Love is blind but a fishing story is a "reel" eye opener.
Now that's a fish of a different color.
Never judge a fish by the paper it is wrapped in?
To fish or not to fish? That is the question!
You fish, there for I am not dating you.
It is all fun and games until somebody gets a fish in the eye.
Hey, is that a fish in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
Love is blind but a fishing story is a "reel" eye opener.
Now that's a fish of a different color.
Never judge a fish by the paper it is wrapped in?
Friday, September 25, 2009
Mommy Dearest
Mostly I am almost sure of what I am looking for in a man. However, that list or personal ideas tend to flex as time moves forward. So much does also flex the list of things I definitely do not want in a man. Men, I still never can understand them. Personally, I don't think they understand themselves either.
Take for example the date I went on this evening. A sweet guy so it would seem, has respect and admiration for his mother. You can tell a lot about a guy in the way he thinks of his mother. In this case, you can also tell a lot about his mother. He talked about her of what an influence she has been on him and that was nice and reassuring that he would be a good date and a strong man with values and respect for women. He continued to talk about her, for quite some time. Even telling me that she planned most of his previous wedding, right down to the colors, order of the wedding party, and the cuff links. WHOA! Let me guess, she probably also planned most of his divorce.
CONTROLLING MOTHER ALERT!!! ERR...ERRR...ERR... CONTROLLING MOTHER ALERT!!! ERR...ERRR...ERR... CAUTION! DO NOT STEP ON UMBILICAL CORD!!! PLEASE BE CAUTIOUS. FOR ELECTRIC SHOCK APRON STRINGS!!! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION!
To help change the subject that now had me searching for the fastest escape route out of there, I asked him about himself. What man doesn't like to talk about himself? "Where do you work?" I asked him. "I work at ------. I have been there about five years." Cool, I like a guy with a job. "Do you like working there?" I asked. He responded, "Yeah, I mean it is okay. Not what I was planning to do but my mom works there too. She helped me get the job there. We car pool to work and it helps save on gas and usage for my car."
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!
DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!
Okay, this is getting to be too much. A woman can only handle a guy talking about his mother for so long. I however, didn't see that changing anytime soon. I ran through different topic ideas through my mind to discuss that would leave out the interruption of his memories on nursing but I couldn't come up with anything. The traditional fall back questions for dating leave a lot of room for an intrusive mother even if she is not there.
Where are you from?
What was it like growing up?
Who influences you the most?
What are your plans for the next few years?
What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
What is your favorite food / meal?
Wow, all of those could easily end up with him discussing more of his mother. He even told me that nameof the town she was born in. Do I need to know that for anything in my life? My skin was beginning to crawl and I began to worry if his mother would soon arrive at the restaurant we were in. Or worse! Maybe she was already there? Watching us? I have no idea what she looks like. CREEPY! I asked him what his last name is and much to my relief it is not Bates. Part of me was afraid to ask him what his favorite movie is.
Ah ha, I had the perfect idea, I would fake an illness that I was not feeling well at the same time hoping his mother is not a nurse. Since she works with him, I can safely assume she is not. I pretended to begin not feeling well. As he looked around for a waitress, I discreetly dipped my finger tips into my water glass and gently dabbed my fingers on my forehead to simulate sweating while at the same time licked my palms to give them the feeling of clamminess. I realize it is a bit childish, but look who I am dealing with. I didn't want to make him suspicious or upset him but I wanted to get out of there. His obsession with his mother and one can only assume that it is a mutual obsession, the situation was really was getting weird. I thanked him for his time and apologized I would not be able to stay for dinner, then excused myself from the table and bee lined it for the door. In the parking lot I looked through the window to see if he stayed in the restaurant or left same as I did. Thankfully, he was still there. Trying to take care of things with the waitress no doubt.
Take for example the date I went on this evening. A sweet guy so it would seem, has respect and admiration for his mother. You can tell a lot about a guy in the way he thinks of his mother. In this case, you can also tell a lot about his mother. He talked about her of what an influence she has been on him and that was nice and reassuring that he would be a good date and a strong man with values and respect for women. He continued to talk about her, for quite some time. Even telling me that she planned most of his previous wedding, right down to the colors, order of the wedding party, and the cuff links. WHOA! Let me guess, she probably also planned most of his divorce.
CONTROLLING MOTHER ALERT!!! ERR...ERRR...ERR... CONTROLLING MOTHER ALERT!!! ERR...ERRR...ERR... CAUTION! DO NOT STEP ON UMBILICAL CORD!!! PLEASE BE CAUTIOUS. FOR ELECTRIC SHOCK APRON STRINGS!!! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
CAUTION! CAUTION! CAUTION!
To help change the subject that now had me searching for the fastest escape route out of there, I asked him about himself. What man doesn't like to talk about himself? "Where do you work?" I asked him. "I work at ------. I have been there about five years." Cool, I like a guy with a job. "Do you like working there?" I asked. He responded, "Yeah, I mean it is okay. Not what I was planning to do but my mom works there too. She helped me get the job there. We car pool to work and it helps save on gas and usage for my car."
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM!
DANGER WILL ROBINSON! DANGER!
Okay, this is getting to be too much. A woman can only handle a guy talking about his mother for so long. I however, didn't see that changing anytime soon. I ran through different topic ideas through my mind to discuss that would leave out the interruption of his memories on nursing but I couldn't come up with anything. The traditional fall back questions for dating leave a lot of room for an intrusive mother even if she is not there.
Where are you from?
What was it like growing up?
Who influences you the most?
What are your plans for the next few years?
What do you enjoy doing in your free time?
What is your favorite food / meal?
Wow, all of those could easily end up with him discussing more of his mother. He even told me that nameof the town she was born in. Do I need to know that for anything in my life? My skin was beginning to crawl and I began to worry if his mother would soon arrive at the restaurant we were in. Or worse! Maybe she was already there? Watching us? I have no idea what she looks like. CREEPY! I asked him what his last name is and much to my relief it is not Bates. Part of me was afraid to ask him what his favorite movie is.
Ah ha, I had the perfect idea, I would fake an illness that I was not feeling well at the same time hoping his mother is not a nurse. Since she works with him, I can safely assume she is not. I pretended to begin not feeling well. As he looked around for a waitress, I discreetly dipped my finger tips into my water glass and gently dabbed my fingers on my forehead to simulate sweating while at the same time licked my palms to give them the feeling of clamminess. I realize it is a bit childish, but look who I am dealing with. I didn't want to make him suspicious or upset him but I wanted to get out of there. His obsession with his mother and one can only assume that it is a mutual obsession, the situation was really was getting weird. I thanked him for his time and apologized I would not be able to stay for dinner, then excused myself from the table and bee lined it for the door. In the parking lot I looked through the window to see if he stayed in the restaurant or left same as I did. Thankfully, he was still there. Trying to take care of things with the waitress no doubt.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Proverbial Pandora's Box
It seems that I have opened the proverbial Pandora's box. And no, I do not know any women named Pandora! That is not the box I am talking about. Shame on you for thinking that and making me explain it! You guys are a bunch of perverts! It it just like the first few times I looked at a Playgirl Magazine. I looked at it several times because I can't believe they would have the audacity to publish such artistic beauty of a man's perfectly.....tanned and toned skin with.......rippling stomach and pectoral muscles. His strong body in perfect posture as he draped his sweaty, shimmering body across the bed with red satin sheets. Biceps bulging and perfectly shaved underarms. You can just imagine the feel of the strong firm loins in the dark and the rough.....uh...ummm,.....sorry, I got side tracked. What was I saying? oh yeah! I remember, I have been canceling dates (sorry guys) because my last year of school is really a lot of work and I have four art exhibits coming up in the next couple of months.
You are right, that alone isn't enough to make me cancel dates but it is a lot of work. I have to give them a good excuse that they will believe. Two men continue to tell me what great husbands they would be and one actually asked me to marry him. OUY! (That is French for headache, I think.) One is too old, the other is too young. Then there is another that doesn't stop calling and emailing, and instant messaging, and commenting, and twittering, and face booking, and internet 'smiling'. SHIT! What the hell happened to the 1980's when you could just send a friend over to tell them you don't want to see him again.
However, I have received very good advice from a close confidant who is always there to help us with our man trouble. Am I right Vicky? Theresa suggested that I very politely tell him that I was "dating exclusively". I said, "I can't say that, it would be a lie." Then my creative and slightly sinister sweet friend added, "exclusively dating everyone except him". Ahhhh... She is clever. You develop that type of cleverness and exquisite witt after being married for a while.
Do to the excessive amount of work for my classes and getting ready for these gallery shows, I have been kind of busy. Men for some reason expect you to be available to them anytime at a moments notice. Don't get me wrong, I am looking for a great guy that both of us feel the same way about each other. Buuuuttttttt, some how, I am just not finding it right now. Which is fine for me because it gives me time to focus on school and continue to meet new people, some interesting, and some not so interesting. That is the reason I have backed down a bit on the 'dating lifestyle', it becomes a lot of work when you are going on three and four dates a week, and trying to keep all of them straight. A couple of times I made a few mistakes. I have a terrible memory. I should put my dance card on power book these days. So for my own sanity, I am limiting it down to one or two dates a week. That is why you haven't seen me blog recently. But I will try to do better at keeping you informed.
You are right, that alone isn't enough to make me cancel dates but it is a lot of work. I have to give them a good excuse that they will believe. Two men continue to tell me what great husbands they would be and one actually asked me to marry him. OUY! (That is French for headache, I think.) One is too old, the other is too young. Then there is another that doesn't stop calling and emailing, and instant messaging, and commenting, and twittering, and face booking, and internet 'smiling'. SHIT! What the hell happened to the 1980's when you could just send a friend over to tell them you don't want to see him again.
However, I have received very good advice from a close confidant who is always there to help us with our man trouble. Am I right Vicky? Theresa suggested that I very politely tell him that I was "dating exclusively". I said, "I can't say that, it would be a lie." Then my creative and slightly sinister sweet friend added, "exclusively dating everyone except him". Ahhhh... She is clever. You develop that type of cleverness and exquisite witt after being married for a while.
Do to the excessive amount of work for my classes and getting ready for these gallery shows, I have been kind of busy. Men for some reason expect you to be available to them anytime at a moments notice. Don't get me wrong, I am looking for a great guy that both of us feel the same way about each other. Buuuuttttttt, some how, I am just not finding it right now. Which is fine for me because it gives me time to focus on school and continue to meet new people, some interesting, and some not so interesting. That is the reason I have backed down a bit on the 'dating lifestyle', it becomes a lot of work when you are going on three and four dates a week, and trying to keep all of them straight. A couple of times I made a few mistakes. I have a terrible memory. I should put my dance card on power book these days. So for my own sanity, I am limiting it down to one or two dates a week. That is why you haven't seen me blog recently. But I will try to do better at keeping you informed.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Canadian on FIRE!
Working in an Art Museum often has great benefits but besides the obvious, sometime the nice things to look at aren't always on the walls. Sometime, they come walking through the doors. Today was one of those special events when what walked passed was more intriguing to look at than what stares at you from high off the walls.
With a French accent, he road his motorcycle directly from Montreal Canada. I parked behind it wondering how the mysterious black machine made its way from Quebec, by wheels or wings. He walked with confidence and magnetic attraction. His very shapely gluteus maximus made its presence known through the Khaki cargo shorts that made me smile and my eyes splurge. I wondered how long I should allow him to look at the art on the walls before it would be almost appropriate for me to interrupt with my impervious intentions to learn more about him. Okay, I think twenty minutes would be acceptable.
All I know so far is that he is from Canada (and that's not too impressive), he rides a motor cycle, and he likes jazz music. Okay, I can work with those things for my intention. He was looking at a photo of Frida Kahlo. I slowly approached him looking at the art photo, "Frida Kahlo, are you a fan of her work?" I asked. Quietly he said, "Yes." We talked briefly about why he was here in Oshkosh and he wanted to see the Packers play, blah, blah, blah, he said something after that. Kinda lost him when the Packers were mentioned. Then, remembering he likes jazz music, I by coincidence, mention to him that there is a jazz band playing tonight at one of the pubs down town. "Oh, that sound interesting." He said looking me in the eyes on my face that refused to stop pouring over him. He asked the details of the time and place. After I gave it to him, he smiled and said, "Maybe we can just meet there." Oh yeah! Hook, line, and sinker!
Later that evening at the pub, we met up and I was ready for a dream tryst but instead, I got a surprise, not a dream tryst. Just exactly the opposite of what I was hoping for. PISSER!
Sometimes you go for the looks and sexual attraction of a person only to be disappointed by the fact their personality sucks. Not to mention that he did not converse well. Normally a conversation has a sender and a receiver where they each take turns in the action. Not in this case. I started the conversation, Me: "How has your journey been?" Him: "Fine, saw some interesting things" Me: "Where do you work?" Him: "I'm a fire fighter." My mind: oohhh Sexy!
Me: "Do you like doing that for work?" Him: "Yes." Me: Have you been in Montreal your whole life?" Him: "Yes." LA DAH DEE DAH DEE DEE DE DAH..... That is about how the conversation went. I gave up on trying to talk with him and pretended to listen to the music. But really I was undressing him in my mind. Then I dressed him up in his fire fighter uniform, then undressed him again, and again, and again, and again, and again..........
With a French accent, he road his motorcycle directly from Montreal Canada. I parked behind it wondering how the mysterious black machine made its way from Quebec, by wheels or wings. He walked with confidence and magnetic attraction. His very shapely gluteus maximus made its presence known through the Khaki cargo shorts that made me smile and my eyes splurge. I wondered how long I should allow him to look at the art on the walls before it would be almost appropriate for me to interrupt with my impervious intentions to learn more about him. Okay, I think twenty minutes would be acceptable.
All I know so far is that he is from Canada (and that's not too impressive), he rides a motor cycle, and he likes jazz music. Okay, I can work with those things for my intention. He was looking at a photo of Frida Kahlo. I slowly approached him looking at the art photo, "Frida Kahlo, are you a fan of her work?" I asked. Quietly he said, "Yes." We talked briefly about why he was here in Oshkosh and he wanted to see the Packers play, blah, blah, blah, he said something after that. Kinda lost him when the Packers were mentioned. Then, remembering he likes jazz music, I by coincidence, mention to him that there is a jazz band playing tonight at one of the pubs down town. "Oh, that sound interesting." He said looking me in the eyes on my face that refused to stop pouring over him. He asked the details of the time and place. After I gave it to him, he smiled and said, "Maybe we can just meet there." Oh yeah! Hook, line, and sinker!
Later that evening at the pub, we met up and I was ready for a dream tryst but instead, I got a surprise, not a dream tryst. Just exactly the opposite of what I was hoping for. PISSER!
Sometimes you go for the looks and sexual attraction of a person only to be disappointed by the fact their personality sucks. Not to mention that he did not converse well. Normally a conversation has a sender and a receiver where they each take turns in the action. Not in this case. I started the conversation, Me: "How has your journey been?" Him: "Fine, saw some interesting things" Me: "Where do you work?" Him: "I'm a fire fighter." My mind: oohhh Sexy!
Me: "Do you like doing that for work?" Him: "Yes." Me: Have you been in Montreal your whole life?" Him: "Yes." LA DAH DEE DAH DEE DEE DE DAH..... That is about how the conversation went. I gave up on trying to talk with him and pretended to listen to the music. But really I was undressing him in my mind. Then I dressed him up in his fire fighter uniform, then undressed him again, and again, and again, and again, and again..........
Monday, September 14, 2009
Blind mime
The lunch date has got to be my favorite because sometimes I can't get away from these guys fast enough. I was set up on another blind date... UGH! Why do I torture myself? Is there a Mr. Right out there or is he already married to my nemesis? Perhaps, he is merely a figment of my imagination of a possibility that I have only painted about.
I have come to the conclusion how 'blind date' has earned the name. How you ask? Because some of them, I would rather gouge my eyes out than go on a date with them let alone be seen with them. Too bad everyone else wasn't blind! A man of short stature and clearly out of my age range. Walks into a bar; okay, this sounds like beginning of a joke, actually, it is the beginning of a date that was a joke. A guy walks into a bar. I see him right away from the imagination in my head that has been added to the description that was given to me. Good thing I didn't have high expectations. Or any expectations.
After the hostess seated us at the table he just smiled at me and said, "So..." I looked at him with a half smile on my face and eyebrows raised, expecting him to say something more than 'so'. After a long pause, I asked him, "So... What?" He didn't say anything more. Okay great, I am on a date with a mime! Picking up the menu and looking at it I hoped to distract myself and pretend I was somewhere more exciting, maybe a mid-term at school, or getting blood drawn, taking out the garbage. Oh, back to the date. "So... what are you going to order?" He asks finally finishing the sentence he began five minutes ago. "I will have the chicken sandwich with french onion soup." I reply in a confident tone. The shy guy remains silent looking at me. Okay, I will go through the formality of asking if it pleases him, "What will you be having?" I ask him. "I'm not sure, I was thinking of the steak sandwich but maybe I will have what you are having." That was his reply. I ask "Why? If you already know what you are having, why would you change it?" "I don't know, it sound s good." He says. "Well, get what ever you want, I am sure everything is good." Everything but this date that is.
Ahh, the waitress finally arrives. She takes my order than his. No surprise he ordered the same as me but, he does change his mind on the sandwich and ordered the steak sandwich. When the soup arrived, he dug through it with his spoon like a tribal warrior. Then he asks me, "What is this." I look up from my fantastic tasting soup that I was enjoying only to be interrupted by a stupid question. Sure, while we waited for the waitress, he didn't have anything to say, now that I am enjoying the best crock of french onion soup on the face of the planet, now he talks. Great! "It is the soup you ordered." I replied. He tried it and what do ya know, he likes it. 'Mikey likes it.' that's Life (cereal). Okay, if you were born in the 1980's you didn't get that.
Wow, can you believe the 80's style is coming back, again!? Last week I actually saw stirrup pants in the department stores. Heaven help us all. Please oh Lord of Heaven and fashion, do not allow the mile high, hair spray, cliff hanging bangs to come back. Remember, when you could judge a girl by the height of her bangs? The taller the bangs, the bigger the bitch she was. Maybe all the hairspray got heavy carrying all that around. ha ha
Really not much to mention about the date since we didn't talk much. He did however say his sandwich was good. Guess I won't be calling him. What would be the point unless I was calling to talk to myself. I talk to myself enough as it is.
I have come to the conclusion how 'blind date' has earned the name. How you ask? Because some of them, I would rather gouge my eyes out than go on a date with them let alone be seen with them. Too bad everyone else wasn't blind! A man of short stature and clearly out of my age range. Walks into a bar; okay, this sounds like beginning of a joke, actually, it is the beginning of a date that was a joke. A guy walks into a bar. I see him right away from the imagination in my head that has been added to the description that was given to me. Good thing I didn't have high expectations. Or any expectations.
After the hostess seated us at the table he just smiled at me and said, "So..." I looked at him with a half smile on my face and eyebrows raised, expecting him to say something more than 'so'. After a long pause, I asked him, "So... What?" He didn't say anything more. Okay great, I am on a date with a mime! Picking up the menu and looking at it I hoped to distract myself and pretend I was somewhere more exciting, maybe a mid-term at school, or getting blood drawn, taking out the garbage. Oh, back to the date. "So... what are you going to order?" He asks finally finishing the sentence he began five minutes ago. "I will have the chicken sandwich with french onion soup." I reply in a confident tone. The shy guy remains silent looking at me. Okay, I will go through the formality of asking if it pleases him, "What will you be having?" I ask him. "I'm not sure, I was thinking of the steak sandwich but maybe I will have what you are having." That was his reply. I ask "Why? If you already know what you are having, why would you change it?" "I don't know, it sound s good." He says. "Well, get what ever you want, I am sure everything is good." Everything but this date that is.
Ahh, the waitress finally arrives. She takes my order than his. No surprise he ordered the same as me but, he does change his mind on the sandwich and ordered the steak sandwich. When the soup arrived, he dug through it with his spoon like a tribal warrior. Then he asks me, "What is this." I look up from my fantastic tasting soup that I was enjoying only to be interrupted by a stupid question. Sure, while we waited for the waitress, he didn't have anything to say, now that I am enjoying the best crock of french onion soup on the face of the planet, now he talks. Great! "It is the soup you ordered." I replied. He tried it and what do ya know, he likes it. 'Mikey likes it.' that's Life (cereal). Okay, if you were born in the 1980's you didn't get that.
Wow, can you believe the 80's style is coming back, again!? Last week I actually saw stirrup pants in the department stores. Heaven help us all. Please oh Lord of Heaven and fashion, do not allow the mile high, hair spray, cliff hanging bangs to come back. Remember, when you could judge a girl by the height of her bangs? The taller the bangs, the bigger the bitch she was. Maybe all the hairspray got heavy carrying all that around. ha ha
Really not much to mention about the date since we didn't talk much. He did however say his sandwich was good. Guess I won't be calling him. What would be the point unless I was calling to talk to myself. I talk to myself enough as it is.
One plus one equals a third wheel
Who are you on a date with???? He picked the restaurant, it is his favorite, so I didn't mind, at first. There were mirrors everywhere and he even insisted that we sit at a table in full view of a mirror. Whatever, I don't care where we sit, I'm not fussy. He kept looking at himself in the mirror, not looking at me, looking at himself. I commented on all of the mirrors, practically one on every wall. "Yeah, I really like mirrors, I have a lot at my house too. Really big ones for the walls, I have at least one in every room." He said that as if he were actually proud of it. I expected him to whip a compact mirror out of his pocket any minute. I had a hard time having a conversation with a person who rarely looked at me. I was beginning to feel like the third wheel on my own date. "Hello?!" Yeah, real person over here." Maybe I should have made a prerecorded message. We should have gotten a table for five, me, him, the mirror, and his ego. The ego would need two chairs because it was fatter than a intern under bill Clinton's desk!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
What do you want to do?
"What do you want to do?" "I don't know, what do you want to do?" "I asked you first, what do you want to do?" "Anything you decide is fine with me." This carried on for a bit then I realized I had two options, one, I could slap him and tell him to shut up, or I could just tell him what I wanted to do without any concern for his expected response. Because I am polite in front of most people, at least until they get to know me. ha ha I said, "Okay, fine, I want to go to the dog park with my dogs." "I want to go with you." He says with a blank look on his expressionless face.
My amazing dogs were overly excited to go to the dog park, no matter who is going with, they don't have to talk to them, I do. Lucky dogs! If I were a boy dog, I probably would have peed on him but since I'm a human girl, I didn't want to risk getting any on my shoes. lol
At the dog park, some of those dogs go from one to the other, not only licking each other but humping each other, and they even do it in groups. Wow, now that I think about it. The dog park has become a total meat market! I mean they don't even ask names they just jump right on. Woe to the bee keepers.
After the dog park we stopped for ice cream to cool down from the hot summer sun and to forget about the flirtatious moves of the fat guy's labradoodle. What ever the hell that is. He probably ate his real dog. Leaving the dogs in the car we went to get an ice cream cone. He ordered four cones. Four? Um, I can only eat one but I appreciated the compliment on how much you think I can lick. ha ha "No." he says, "One is for you, one is for me, and one for each of the dogs." AAawwwwwwww, how cute!!!! He wants to buy ice cream for my dogs.... His cuteness factor just went up 28 points. We ate our cones and smiled at each other then bought two more cones put them in salad bowls and fed my dogs ice cream in the parking lot. Fun, cute, and then disappeared. He did warn me he travels a lot for work but I bet cell phones can reach any where. Haven't heard from him since.
My amazing dogs were overly excited to go to the dog park, no matter who is going with, they don't have to talk to them, I do. Lucky dogs! If I were a boy dog, I probably would have peed on him but since I'm a human girl, I didn't want to risk getting any on my shoes. lol
At the dog park, some of those dogs go from one to the other, not only licking each other but humping each other, and they even do it in groups. Wow, now that I think about it. The dog park has become a total meat market! I mean they don't even ask names they just jump right on. Woe to the bee keepers.
After the dog park we stopped for ice cream to cool down from the hot summer sun and to forget about the flirtatious moves of the fat guy's labradoodle. What ever the hell that is. He probably ate his real dog. Leaving the dogs in the car we went to get an ice cream cone. He ordered four cones. Four? Um, I can only eat one but I appreciated the compliment on how much you think I can lick. ha ha "No." he says, "One is for you, one is for me, and one for each of the dogs." AAawwwwwwww, how cute!!!! He wants to buy ice cream for my dogs.... His cuteness factor just went up 28 points. We ate our cones and smiled at each other then bought two more cones put them in salad bowls and fed my dogs ice cream in the parking lot. Fun, cute, and then disappeared. He did warn me he travels a lot for work but I bet cell phones can reach any where. Haven't heard from him since.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
fast update ~ no time
School semester has begun and I have been lacking on time. I have a few dates I need to tell you about. So when I do get the time, I will have to write about a few of them. Nothing to suspenseful, nothing really great. BLAH! You are probably getting used to me saying that! I hope that men evolve into better creatures because other wise all of human kind will become extinct. Either that, I will have to lower my standards even more. As you have read from some of my experiences, some of them had been pretty low below the bar or they just smacked their head on it. So the search continues for someone datable or at least someone respectable enough to earn a second date. Most of the things they are respect and common sense but apparently, common sense isn't very common. I will catch up with you later!
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
I'm a-ler-gic to you!
Yes I have been on some bad dates recently but I have not forgotten you. I have to learn to not schedule two dates on the same day because I don't get a chance to update you and give you all of the horrific details to feed your morbid curiosity.
Saturday Sept 5th, I was on a date with a gentleman, and the date was great. Most of his manners were up to quality expectations and he was a gentlemen. Ugh, finally. We went to dinner and enjoyed some good conversations, he was cute, nice, and shy with some great flirtatious intentions. I was happy with the date and glad to have a normal time with a normal guy. We wanted to have a small fire at his place after dinner so a quick stop at the super market and a dollar bag of marshmallows, we were on our way.
After arriving to his house, he sat on the small sofa, smiling at each other and with full attention, kissing was on both our minds. He put his arm around me, leaned in for a kiss, and I began to gag. Sneezing, gagging, eyes watering, oh yeah, the whole bit. I got up and walked around the kitchen and outside with my eyes watering. He said, "Wow, that is one for the record books! I lean in to make my move and the girl starts gagging." I politely and apologetically explained to him that I am allergic to his deodorant. On the phone before our date, I warned him that I am allergic to many colognes and soaps, cleaning agents, etc. So he didn't wear any cologne but I was allergic to his deodorant. When he put his arm around me to kiss me, the deodorant caused an allergic reaction to me. It took about 40 minutes of me being outside to get my nose to stop running and my eyes to stop watering. That pretty much killed any romantic moment of the evening.
He said that he understood and was not offended. So I asked him if he would do me a favor. He said he would so I asked him if he would take soft soap which I am not allergic to and wash his deodorant off. The look on his face was of more than shock and disbelief but he was willing to do it for me. So he grumbled into the bathroom taking off his shirt, saying, "This is new one ." After returning to the sitting area where I was still waiting, he said, This is definitely the first time I have ever tried to kiss a woman and she became sick." We laughed about it but you could still feel some uneasiness in the air.
Other wise, everything was fine, we liked each other and enjoyed each other's company and the conversation we had. It was a good date and one of the best ones. I liked him a lot and the way he acted, talked, and kissed, you could see he also liked it a lot too.
Day 2~ We saw each other the next day and he told me that the night before he was looking for more than just a few kisses. I was a bit offended because everything went so well and yet he still had sex on the brain. Do men ever think of anything else? One of his friends arrived and my date was fast to tell his friend about the gagging reaction to his bungled kiss. It became sort of a joke' me being allergic to him. Not only was I allergic to his cologne, his deodorant, his body soap, and his laundry detergent. I was literally allergic to everything he had on his body. Not a good way to make a sexy impression.
He told me that he didn't want it to "sound bad" but he said, "You smile too much and you have intense" energy. I just looked at him and replied, "Are you serious? I told you I smile a lot but you are the first person who has ever complained about it." He said, "Yeah, but you smile all the time, you are always smiling." My only response, "Yeah?!" I have no idea to this day where he was going with that but That is just part of who I am, I am a smiling person. Weirdo!
Saturday Sept 5th, I was on a date with a gentleman, and the date was great. Most of his manners were up to quality expectations and he was a gentlemen. Ugh, finally. We went to dinner and enjoyed some good conversations, he was cute, nice, and shy with some great flirtatious intentions. I was happy with the date and glad to have a normal time with a normal guy. We wanted to have a small fire at his place after dinner so a quick stop at the super market and a dollar bag of marshmallows, we were on our way.
After arriving to his house, he sat on the small sofa, smiling at each other and with full attention, kissing was on both our minds. He put his arm around me, leaned in for a kiss, and I began to gag. Sneezing, gagging, eyes watering, oh yeah, the whole bit. I got up and walked around the kitchen and outside with my eyes watering. He said, "Wow, that is one for the record books! I lean in to make my move and the girl starts gagging." I politely and apologetically explained to him that I am allergic to his deodorant. On the phone before our date, I warned him that I am allergic to many colognes and soaps, cleaning agents, etc. So he didn't wear any cologne but I was allergic to his deodorant. When he put his arm around me to kiss me, the deodorant caused an allergic reaction to me. It took about 40 minutes of me being outside to get my nose to stop running and my eyes to stop watering. That pretty much killed any romantic moment of the evening.
He said that he understood and was not offended. So I asked him if he would do me a favor. He said he would so I asked him if he would take soft soap which I am not allergic to and wash his deodorant off. The look on his face was of more than shock and disbelief but he was willing to do it for me. So he grumbled into the bathroom taking off his shirt, saying, "This is new one ." After returning to the sitting area where I was still waiting, he said, This is definitely the first time I have ever tried to kiss a woman and she became sick." We laughed about it but you could still feel some uneasiness in the air.
Other wise, everything was fine, we liked each other and enjoyed each other's company and the conversation we had. It was a good date and one of the best ones. I liked him a lot and the way he acted, talked, and kissed, you could see he also liked it a lot too.
Day 2~ We saw each other the next day and he told me that the night before he was looking for more than just a few kisses. I was a bit offended because everything went so well and yet he still had sex on the brain. Do men ever think of anything else? One of his friends arrived and my date was fast to tell his friend about the gagging reaction to his bungled kiss. It became sort of a joke' me being allergic to him. Not only was I allergic to his cologne, his deodorant, his body soap, and his laundry detergent. I was literally allergic to everything he had on his body. Not a good way to make a sexy impression.
He told me that he didn't want it to "sound bad" but he said, "You smile too much and you have intense" energy. I just looked at him and replied, "Are you serious? I told you I smile a lot but you are the first person who has ever complained about it." He said, "Yeah, but you smile all the time, you are always smiling." My only response, "Yeah?!" I have no idea to this day where he was going with that but That is just part of who I am, I am a smiling person. Weirdo!
Monday, September 7, 2009
Phone date with political moron
Mostly it is the smart people who follow the unwritten rules of the three topics to avoid while in company of others and on a date (doesn't matter if regular date or phone date). The three topics from the beginning of time to never discuss are politics, religion, and abortion. Now obviously, there are other less damaging topics people would also be intelligent enough to avoid and some of them have been mentioned in the previous pages but for the most part, these are the three big ones.
The topic of Obama-nomics comes up in the conversation. He quickly gets excited and jumps on the band wagon of every first time voter that voted in the recent election. He is just barely old enough for that. This kid still had Similac on his breath! Then he threw himself into a verbal self-mutilation of idiotic comments that not only were contradictory but had no bearing on any part of reality. He lunches his self delusions into the very idea that it was Noah that began problems in the political spectrum. I reminded him that Noah was not a politician but an obedient follower of God. In his own words, "I have never read the Bible but I don't see how is could possibly make sense." I thought to myself, "This guy is a total moron, he is so stupid, he wouldn't know it if 'Stupid' was his legal first and last name." I kinda wanted to tell him there was a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. But nah, that would just be too funny, ...umm, I mean too cruel.
I let him try to rant on that just because it was so bizarre. I have seen Democrats try to blame Republicans for lots of things, but to try to blame Noah for the political problems of today, well, that is just one for the record books!
The topic of Obama-nomics comes up in the conversation. He quickly gets excited and jumps on the band wagon of every first time voter that voted in the recent election. He is just barely old enough for that. This kid still had Similac on his breath! Then he threw himself into a verbal self-mutilation of idiotic comments that not only were contradictory but had no bearing on any part of reality. He lunches his self delusions into the very idea that it was Noah that began problems in the political spectrum. I reminded him that Noah was not a politician but an obedient follower of God. In his own words, "I have never read the Bible but I don't see how is could possibly make sense." I thought to myself, "This guy is a total moron, he is so stupid, he wouldn't know it if 'Stupid' was his legal first and last name." I kinda wanted to tell him there was a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool. But nah, that would just be too funny, ...umm, I mean too cruel.
I let him try to rant on that just because it was so bizarre. I have seen Democrats try to blame Republicans for lots of things, but to try to blame Noah for the political problems of today, well, that is just one for the record books!
Friday, September 4, 2009
Now less than friends
If you think the classic dinner and a movie date can't go wrong, I can give the name and number of a guy who can't seem to get it right. This one was not a blind date but rather someone I have know for many years. I bumped into him at the supermarket one day after we hadn't seen each other for years. After getting through the typical how have you been, work, school, family, etc. we arrive to the part of yes, I am single now. Two days later he calls and extends his apology for the short term of my marriage. Then suggest since I am single now maybe we should get together for dinner and catch up on old times. He has always been a good friend so of course I said yes and looked forward to the next day that we would get together for a long and friendly chat.
In the past we have gone to dinner, or a movie, or event together as friends and everything has been great. Very nice guy, I would have set him up with a good friend as a date. Well, probably not anymore. We went to dinner, Mexican, yummy. Talked about politics and education, since we agree on those topics, it wasn't a taboo. However, if you are on a date, this is one of the three forbidden topics. After dinner, by the way he, 'Mr. I'm gonna hit on you later' didn't leave much of a tip. After we left the restaurant he just drove around aimlessly. I asked him, "Where are you going?" He replied, "I don't know, I just don't want to drop you off yet." Then he suggested a movie. Okay, that sound like a good idea. Well, so I thought, that is until he wanted to start holding my hand and then wanted to put his head on my shoulder. I moved over to the next seat. "What are you doing sitting over there?" He asked me with a very strange look on his face. "I thought you needed more space, you didn't look comfortable in your seat." I replied. With a higher octave voice said, "I was snuggling up to you." "Why?!" I asked him. Then he asked me to sit next to him again. Then he just put his arm around me. I bluntly but politely told him I was not comfortable with it. We finished the movie then I asked him to take me home. Multiple times he suggested that I stay at his place because he has to work early in the morning. I said "no" very forcefully and told him that if he was concerned about waking up for work, he should not have asked me to a movie that was not even in the plan.
Do men seriously think that we do not have rights to our own bodies, that if no man is speaking for it that it is open season or do I dare say 'free range'. Considering they even think that we do not know how we feel or even obviously mean what we say. When a man responds, "Ohh, you don't mean that." I want to smack him up side his foolish pig head then ask him, "Did I mean that?" I think we know are own opinion, as a matter of fact, I am certain of it!
This guy has been a friend for a very long time, more than a decade. I reminded him of this fact and told him that I was not interested to date him because I wouldn't want to lose that friendship. He said he understood but that was something he was willing to risk. DUMBASS!
Even a man that I previously believed to have been sane has become a horny vulture!
In the past we have gone to dinner, or a movie, or event together as friends and everything has been great. Very nice guy, I would have set him up with a good friend as a date. Well, probably not anymore. We went to dinner, Mexican, yummy. Talked about politics and education, since we agree on those topics, it wasn't a taboo. However, if you are on a date, this is one of the three forbidden topics. After dinner, by the way he, 'Mr. I'm gonna hit on you later' didn't leave much of a tip. After we left the restaurant he just drove around aimlessly. I asked him, "Where are you going?" He replied, "I don't know, I just don't want to drop you off yet." Then he suggested a movie. Okay, that sound like a good idea. Well, so I thought, that is until he wanted to start holding my hand and then wanted to put his head on my shoulder. I moved over to the next seat. "What are you doing sitting over there?" He asked me with a very strange look on his face. "I thought you needed more space, you didn't look comfortable in your seat." I replied. With a higher octave voice said, "I was snuggling up to you." "Why?!" I asked him. Then he asked me to sit next to him again. Then he just put his arm around me. I bluntly but politely told him I was not comfortable with it. We finished the movie then I asked him to take me home. Multiple times he suggested that I stay at his place because he has to work early in the morning. I said "no" very forcefully and told him that if he was concerned about waking up for work, he should not have asked me to a movie that was not even in the plan.
Do men seriously think that we do not have rights to our own bodies, that if no man is speaking for it that it is open season or do I dare say 'free range'. Considering they even think that we do not know how we feel or even obviously mean what we say. When a man responds, "Ohh, you don't mean that." I want to smack him up side his foolish pig head then ask him, "Did I mean that?" I think we know are own opinion, as a matter of fact, I am certain of it!
This guy has been a friend for a very long time, more than a decade. I reminded him of this fact and told him that I was not interested to date him because I wouldn't want to lose that friendship. He said he understood but that was something he was willing to risk. DUMBASS!
Even a man that I previously believed to have been sane has become a horny vulture!
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
L-O-S-E-R!
How many ways can you spell this guys name? I don't know but my favorite way and, I think, the most accurate, is LOSER. But who am I to say. I am sure once you downed a few gallons of vodka, he might be almost interesting if he were a pinata dangling from the Golden Gate Bridge being peed on by goats. He tells me he would like to go out on a date with me but he doesn't have any money. Now, I appreciate honesty but somethings, you should probably keep somethings to yourself. Surly he didn't expect me to jump up and say, "Alright, that is exactly what I am looking for in a guy!"
Later he emailed me asking if I would like to join him tonight for a couple of drinks. A pub that is close to him since he doesn't have a car. Not another one!? #$%^&*()@#$%^!?!? Okay, whaaaatever! I meet him there he buys me one drink, I buy him one. We begin talking but it seems intellectual conversation is not something he has experienced before. The jokes begin to sputter around the room. He says to me, "I bet I can offend you!" Well, that is a pick-up line I haven't heard before. PUKE! So then he begins telling me offensive jokes that are an affront to the very delicacy of my nature. After his display of mas immaturity blended with a few shots of stupidity, I let him know that I need to go home. He then says, "Okay, you can give me a ride home." WHAT?! UGH! Fine, because I am a nice person, I agree, I drop him in the parking lot of his building. He asks me if I would like to go in with him. "No thank you." I replied.
Then..........OMG! He asks me, "Do you want to check out my package? It is ready." I will let you in on a little clue, he doesn't work for UPS or FED-EX, or even IPS. You can easily arrive to the conclusion of what he was tactlessly suggesting. If he were the very last man on the face of the Earth and there were no suicide options, I still would not be interested in checking out his "package". Disgusting! What is it with guys, do they really think women are just sitting around wondering if a man will go to bed with them? It is no friggen' wonder why many of these guys are single. I mean this guy didn't even have a face a mother could love. Why are men so obsessed with there little Johnsons? I should have asked him if that was a half a roll of Certs in his pocket or if he was just happy to see me.
Later he emailed me asking if I would like to join him tonight for a couple of drinks. A pub that is close to him since he doesn't have a car. Not another one!? #$%^&*()@#$%^!?!? Okay, whaaaatever! I meet him there he buys me one drink, I buy him one. We begin talking but it seems intellectual conversation is not something he has experienced before. The jokes begin to sputter around the room. He says to me, "I bet I can offend you!" Well, that is a pick-up line I haven't heard before. PUKE! So then he begins telling me offensive jokes that are an affront to the very delicacy of my nature. After his display of mas immaturity blended with a few shots of stupidity, I let him know that I need to go home. He then says, "Okay, you can give me a ride home." WHAT?! UGH! Fine, because I am a nice person, I agree, I drop him in the parking lot of his building. He asks me if I would like to go in with him. "No thank you." I replied.
Then..........OMG! He asks me, "Do you want to check out my package? It is ready." I will let you in on a little clue, he doesn't work for UPS or FED-EX, or even IPS. You can easily arrive to the conclusion of what he was tactlessly suggesting. If he were the very last man on the face of the Earth and there were no suicide options, I still would not be interested in checking out his "package". Disgusting! What is it with guys, do they really think women are just sitting around wondering if a man will go to bed with them? It is no friggen' wonder why many of these guys are single. I mean this guy didn't even have a face a mother could love. Why are men so obsessed with there little Johnsons? I should have asked him if that was a half a roll of Certs in his pocket or if he was just happy to see me.
Monday, August 31, 2009
Day mares to night mares
Away from the computer for a few days means I have a lot of catching up to do. Yes, yes, I know you are all in suspense and shear agony wondering what agony I have been going through on these dates. I tell you, I am going to have to slow down because I am beginning to lose track. It is becoming like a full-time job. lol I am beginning to feel like I am in my twenties again, but now I am just tired. It is true, youth is wasted on the young, so was a lot of alcohol I could be using now to numb out the memories of these bad dates! Instead of naming this blog bad dates, I should have given it the more realistic name and term of daymares and nightmares. Uuuuggghhhh.....!!!!!!! Someone send me a real date so I can STOP THE MADNESS!!!!!
Phase one- abort process
Evening phone date, this guy was so clingy, on the phone. This has to be the worst phone date I have EVER had. I definitely can't imagine one worse, but I am sure it will probably happen. He was asking me to go on a date with him if he could kiss me on my neck and give me back rubs/ massage. Ugh! Gross! I haven't even met this guy yet and he is so clingy on the phone, I can't stand to be on the phone with him. I told him that I do not like a person to be all clingy and PDA especially just meeting someone for the first time. He actually says, "I'll get you out of that." He can't even accept no on the phone. Okay, enough of that. Definitely NOT going on a date with this guy.
Carless, moneyless, and clueless
Sorry to keep all of you in suspense. The lunch date I met him at the library, turns out he didn't have a car. Come on! Are you serious?!~ Thirty eight years old and doesn't have a car? I know homeless people who have cars. Since he doesn't have a car it left me wondering what he had planned for our lunch 'date'. "So, what do you want to do?" I asked him. "You wanna walk around down town?", he asked me. I was thinking, Um, hell no; but I said, "Sure." Okay, so we walked around and went to the comic shop. Wow, this is an exciting date... blah, blah, blah. Okay, two dreadful uneventful hours pass, I am thinking we need to eat something. "Are you hungry?", I asked him. "No", he replied as he shook his head. Um, "what is it you planned on doing?", I inquired. "Oh, nothing, we can just talk." He said with a slow slur as he turned his head.
Talk? TALK?? TTAALLKK????? I got myself dressed, drove MY CAR, down here to meet him, walked around for two hours, and he wants to TALK? That's what they invented phones for! I am starting to think maybe he is homeless. Nothing against homeless people, some of them are very nice but one thing about women, we dig guys with jobs. Finally he offers to buy us something to drink, thank you. In he wallet resides six dollar and no change. Do I really need to say anymore about this date?
I want to give credit where credit is due. We really did have nice conversation but I would have like that there be something more planned.
Talk? TALK?? TTAALLKK????? I got myself dressed, drove MY CAR, down here to meet him, walked around for two hours, and he wants to TALK? That's what they invented phones for! I am starting to think maybe he is homeless. Nothing against homeless people, some of them are very nice but one thing about women, we dig guys with jobs. Finally he offers to buy us something to drink, thank you. In he wallet resides six dollar and no change. Do I really need to say anymore about this date?
I want to give credit where credit is due. We really did have nice conversation but I would have like that there be something more planned.
Friday, August 28, 2009
Cancelled
Yesterday cancelled my date because have not been well and I would probably have slept right through it. Actually, I did sleep the entire time but I was considerate enough to cancelled before that. However, today I have two dates. I try to never have two dates on the same day but couldn't avoid it today. Have a lunch date at noon and a dinner date later this evening. Wish me luck. lol And the beat goes on... and the beat goooes oonnnnn....
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
The ketchup got more action
I don't expect every man to be refined but to use your spoon like a shovel, I think is a bit much. Isn't self feeding a requirement for first grade? Dinner and a movie, a classic date and perfect if there really isn't much to talk about. He ate the equivalent of a children's meal minus the toy. I like a man with a good appetite this one didn't have it. He put ketchup in a separate dish, the tried to pour it onto the dish that was holding his french fries, then again ate ketchup from the first dish he put it in. The ketchup moved around so much I expected it to send me a postcard.
The movie we saw was "Funny People"; it is a good movie but not as funny as you expect it to be. However, any movie with Adam Sandler in it is a good movie. Hey, have you seen "Shakes the Clown"? Wow, that is a funny but strange movie, it is an old one but if you look, you can find it. The date really lacked any interesting points and the movie was a nice distraction that I didn't have to make any feeble attempts to make conversation. After the date he asked me when he could see me again, I wanted to tell him, I'm not taking anymore applications, the next date must have gotten lost in the mail, I got called into work, my dog is getting his teeth cleaned that day, don't call me- I'll call you. However, I settled for the old stand by gentle and ambiguous let down. "I will need to take a look at my schedule and see." It is probably as transparent as Madonna's underwear but what else was I going to say. Good night.
The movie we saw was "Funny People"; it is a good movie but not as funny as you expect it to be. However, any movie with Adam Sandler in it is a good movie. Hey, have you seen "Shakes the Clown"? Wow, that is a funny but strange movie, it is an old one but if you look, you can find it. The date really lacked any interesting points and the movie was a nice distraction that I didn't have to make any feeble attempts to make conversation. After the date he asked me when he could see me again, I wanted to tell him, I'm not taking anymore applications, the next date must have gotten lost in the mail, I got called into work, my dog is getting his teeth cleaned that day, don't call me- I'll call you. However, I settled for the old stand by gentle and ambiguous let down. "I will need to take a look at my schedule and see." It is probably as transparent as Madonna's underwear but what else was I going to say. Good night.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Museum junkies get a fix
I know you have all been at the edge of your uncomfortable computer chairs with the rollers on the bottoms that always get stuck waiting for me to write about the date I had today. Considering most of you are already in bed burning the midnight oil at 7:00, you will have no idea until the morning. First to their computer keys wins... -nothing. Well one thing is for sure, I missed my meeting today in the Bahamas. I was supposed to be crowned Miss. Universe but I was on a date instead so the rest of the world is going to have to wait to see me in a bikini!
A lovely young man, (young meaning he is my age). Hey, I am young and very attractive, just ask me, I will tell you. If you want you can ask me if you are too. I will tell you and I will even give you directions where to go. lol A nice guy from Milwaukee found his way here to see me for our scheduled date that we set up two weeks ago that was postponed until today. Apparently he found out what he would be missing. I assumed he lives alone and dresses himself because he showed up in a T-shirt. The other possibility is that he walked out the door naked and hit a pot smoking dreadlocks wearing hippie on the corner of 1980's St. and Pass-the-Bud Blvd.
T-shirt, minus 1 point! Remembering my name and what I would be wearing, plus 1 point.
I get the points for NOT wearing a T-shirt. A T-shirt? Really, on a first date? Well, at least he wasn't trying to impressing me.
First stop the museum where I work. YEA!!! He is a museum junkie just like me!!! That is plus 100 points! Of course the museum is wonderful, we talked a lot and enjoyed the conversations and it was a compliment that I was able to show off the little bit I know about the job I am supposed to know about a lot. The gardens were really beautiful and because of his field of work, he was also able to show off with what he knew. Either that or he figured out I didn't know squat about the gardens and was just making up stuff to impress me. It was good convo back and forth. After that museum, we went to the other museum. He was so cute, he asked me if I was a docent there. ha ha No, I just have no life and hang out in museums all day.
One thing he did tell me is that he is allergic to dogs and cats. Half of my brain is thinking, damn, my dog sleeps in bed with me guess he won't be going there. The other half of my brain is like, "Hmmmm, if I want to end the date quickly, I can through some dog hair at him or I could roll around in cat pee. " Both of those would have turned out to be pretty unpleasant so it was a good thing I was enjoying the date. On the phone this morning I ate two frozen pancakes from a brightly colored box that had big chunks of snow on it. Thinking he would arrive in time for us to eat lunch. Buuuuuttttt... he apparently had a different idea, and was not hungry. I should start setting up morning dates so then I could at least sometime get a decent breakfast.
Since my car has the dog hair fur lined custom seats, we agreed to take his car. And what a car it is. VERY NICE! Normally I am not some materialist schmuck who can be impressed with a car, unless it is a 1969 or 1972 Mustang. However, this sweet fella drives a sweet ride. He has a burnt orange (original color) 1981 Pontiac T1000. Classic! Hatch back and all Baby! Oh yeah. in the back seat he had square pieces of granite that had this weird rubbery texture paint on it, it was really interesting. An art form he discovered and experimented with, it was actually really cool. Not only does he like art but also does some himself. Oh did I mention that both of us are Pisces? Part of the day it was like talking to a really bad mirror reflection of myself, you know, if I were a guy, wearing a T-shirt. lol
After the museums, we got shakes and I showed him Oshkosh's best kept secret, me. Just kidding, I took him to the old carp ponds, the island and light house and all those really beautiful trees that are perfect for climbing. We walked and talked, a lot, he was so comforting and easy to talk with, I some how couldn't keep my mouth shut. We sat on a tree that was leaned over drank our shakes and just talked. A few times he said something really cute, I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't, but I was thinking about it.
Two museums, shakes, carp ponds, and long conversations... did I mention no bathrooms? No bathrooms! I was starting focus too much on when would be an appropriate break in the conversation to suggest a potty break. Even though it would have been very poor etiquette to jump up and down doing the "Pee pee" dance and try to hide discreetly behind a tree for a moment in time. I had to really think of a non-obvious way to get the heck out of there and back to civilization where I could find a ladies room. Then we started talking about art and my paintings, then I got excited and side tracked about my artwork and offered to show him some of my paintings. Okay, so I forgot I had to go to the bathroom. I showed him many of my paintings, he showed me some of his photography and though it seems like it would take a short amount of time, it took a lot of time. Then guess what I remembered? I still have to go potty! Not being able to fully concentrate, I teased him a bit more about the T-shirt thing and before I knew it the words "Don't worry, I will write you a good review." came flying out of my mouth as if being shot from a cannon. Unfortunately, he was quick enough to catch them in mid flight. So now my brain is in panic and overdrive. Gears were spinning trying to debate which is now more important, that I may have just exposed my blog about bad dates or that I really need to use the restroom and we are still no where close to anything that would have plumbing or a door for privacy. I GOT CONFUSED!!!!
Then it came to me as if it were a gentle song from a birdy flying by. "I am starving, lets go get dinner.", I said. Oh, it was 7:00 pm by this time. Yeah, I was pretty convincing, well, I was hungry but I really had to go, literally. So we got dinner and each of us confessed something. I confessed I blog about my dates and he confessed he... well, I will keep that private for his dignity, and also because he is probably going to read my blog. At any rate, after reading this I may or may not ever see or hear from him again. lol
A lovely young man, (young meaning he is my age). Hey, I am young and very attractive, just ask me, I will tell you. If you want you can ask me if you are too. I will tell you and I will even give you directions where to go. lol A nice guy from Milwaukee found his way here to see me for our scheduled date that we set up two weeks ago that was postponed until today. Apparently he found out what he would be missing. I assumed he lives alone and dresses himself because he showed up in a T-shirt. The other possibility is that he walked out the door naked and hit a pot smoking dreadlocks wearing hippie on the corner of 1980's St. and Pass-the-Bud Blvd.
T-shirt, minus 1 point! Remembering my name and what I would be wearing, plus 1 point.
I get the points for NOT wearing a T-shirt. A T-shirt? Really, on a first date? Well, at least he wasn't trying to impressing me.
First stop the museum where I work. YEA!!! He is a museum junkie just like me!!! That is plus 100 points! Of course the museum is wonderful, we talked a lot and enjoyed the conversations and it was a compliment that I was able to show off the little bit I know about the job I am supposed to know about a lot. The gardens were really beautiful and because of his field of work, he was also able to show off with what he knew. Either that or he figured out I didn't know squat about the gardens and was just making up stuff to impress me. It was good convo back and forth. After that museum, we went to the other museum. He was so cute, he asked me if I was a docent there. ha ha No, I just have no life and hang out in museums all day.
One thing he did tell me is that he is allergic to dogs and cats. Half of my brain is thinking, damn, my dog sleeps in bed with me guess he won't be going there. The other half of my brain is like, "Hmmmm, if I want to end the date quickly, I can through some dog hair at him or I could roll around in cat pee. " Both of those would have turned out to be pretty unpleasant so it was a good thing I was enjoying the date. On the phone this morning I ate two frozen pancakes from a brightly colored box that had big chunks of snow on it. Thinking he would arrive in time for us to eat lunch. Buuuuuttttt... he apparently had a different idea, and was not hungry. I should start setting up morning dates so then I could at least sometime get a decent breakfast.
Since my car has the dog hair fur lined custom seats, we agreed to take his car. And what a car it is. VERY NICE! Normally I am not some materialist schmuck who can be impressed with a car, unless it is a 1969 or 1972 Mustang. However, this sweet fella drives a sweet ride. He has a burnt orange (original color) 1981 Pontiac T1000. Classic! Hatch back and all Baby! Oh yeah. in the back seat he had square pieces of granite that had this weird rubbery texture paint on it, it was really interesting. An art form he discovered and experimented with, it was actually really cool. Not only does he like art but also does some himself. Oh did I mention that both of us are Pisces? Part of the day it was like talking to a really bad mirror reflection of myself, you know, if I were a guy, wearing a T-shirt. lol
After the museums, we got shakes and I showed him Oshkosh's best kept secret, me. Just kidding, I took him to the old carp ponds, the island and light house and all those really beautiful trees that are perfect for climbing. We walked and talked, a lot, he was so comforting and easy to talk with, I some how couldn't keep my mouth shut. We sat on a tree that was leaned over drank our shakes and just talked. A few times he said something really cute, I wanted to kiss him, but I didn't, but I was thinking about it.
Two museums, shakes, carp ponds, and long conversations... did I mention no bathrooms? No bathrooms! I was starting focus too much on when would be an appropriate break in the conversation to suggest a potty break. Even though it would have been very poor etiquette to jump up and down doing the "Pee pee" dance and try to hide discreetly behind a tree for a moment in time. I had to really think of a non-obvious way to get the heck out of there and back to civilization where I could find a ladies room. Then we started talking about art and my paintings, then I got excited and side tracked about my artwork and offered to show him some of my paintings. Okay, so I forgot I had to go to the bathroom. I showed him many of my paintings, he showed me some of his photography and though it seems like it would take a short amount of time, it took a lot of time. Then guess what I remembered? I still have to go potty! Not being able to fully concentrate, I teased him a bit more about the T-shirt thing and before I knew it the words "Don't worry, I will write you a good review." came flying out of my mouth as if being shot from a cannon. Unfortunately, he was quick enough to catch them in mid flight. So now my brain is in panic and overdrive. Gears were spinning trying to debate which is now more important, that I may have just exposed my blog about bad dates or that I really need to use the restroom and we are still no where close to anything that would have plumbing or a door for privacy. I GOT CONFUSED!!!!
Then it came to me as if it were a gentle song from a birdy flying by. "I am starving, lets go get dinner.", I said. Oh, it was 7:00 pm by this time. Yeah, I was pretty convincing, well, I was hungry but I really had to go, literally. So we got dinner and each of us confessed something. I confessed I blog about my dates and he confessed he... well, I will keep that private for his dignity, and also because he is probably going to read my blog. At any rate, after reading this I may or may not ever see or hear from him again. lol
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The auto tech. bowling farmer
Last night I went on a date with the farmer I had the phonedate with. I had never dated a farmer before. He has this thing he does when he is nervous; he says the word "so" a lot. When we had the phone date, he began and ended just about every sentence with the word "so".
The plan was to meet at a Chinese restaurant for dinner at 6:30 pm. I took a nap at 4:00 pm with the alarm set so I would have plenty of time to wake up and get ready. I SLEPT THROUGH MY ALARM FOR AN HOUR! When I woke up I sprang from my bed as if I was in the story book the night before Christmas but I didn't see a man with eight tiny reindeer. I grabbed the phone the man's number hoping to find but instead I found many call phone numbers in line. Of course, I did what any insane woman would do when realizing she was late for a date. I called every single one! About the fourth number was the correct one. He was already there at the restaurant. I apologized profusely and asked him to give me 15 minutes that of course turned to 20 minutes. After getting ready with my make up half on I flew out the door and my way I was on. He must have seen me driving into the parking lot like a crazy person be cause he began walking to my vehicle as soon as I parked. He came up to me as I continued to apologize and said, "Don't worry about it. You look beautiful."
He is a skinny little guy, about my same height but since I was wearing heels, I appeared to be taller. As we ate and talked, he began talking about farming because it is what he knows best but some how in that, we discovered we went to the same high school for one year. He is a year younger than me. We didn't know of each other then. Well, as he tells it, he knew of me and remembered hearing me name often being called over the school's intercom. Yeah, I was normally in trouble back then, a bit of a scrapper I was. That gave us something to talk about and probably gave him the incentive to go home and find his old yearbook. BLAH! Twenty years ago, who am I kidding, I had no wrinkles and probably better skin.
After dinner he looked at me and said, "So, are you ready to do some bowling?" In my mind, I am thinking to myself, 'don't laugh, he is serious' . "Um, yeah, I'm ready. You may have to help me out though.", I said. On Friday nights the bowling ally has this thing, disco bowling or kaleidoscope bowling, techno bowling, I am not sure the name of it but they turn off the lights and turn on black lights and everything glows in the dark. It was pretty interesting. I bought us flashing light necklaces to go with all the other flashing lights. Actually, I was hoping it would be a distraction. ha ha I really can't bowl. However, at the end of one game, I did manage to get a turkey. I had no idea what that meant but he said that if you get three 'X' in a row, that is called a turkey. We played five games, I only broke a hundred once and I only won one game. He probably let me win. Much to my surprise, it was really a lot of fun. And even much more surprising is bowling is really good exercise. I think I got a bit of a work out.
Both of us really enjoyed the date. How do I know he did, besides all the smiling he did and him telling me he had a great time, as we left at 11:30 pm, he actually offered to fix my car, right then. He wanted to fix my car at 11:30 at night, in the parking lot of the bowling place. OMG!
I guess I really had some effect on him. While we stood by my car talking, he again continued to say the word 'so' when ever he said anything, so I knew he was once again nervous. Then he looked to me and asked, "Would you like to go out with me again?" I said, "Yes, I would." I really had a great time but I don't think there is the potential of a romantic relationship there. He is really skinny (that can be changed, yes I know) but he is also very timid. I am not sure how I would handle that on a long term basis.
And to spare you from the suspense, he did tell me that his hobbies are fixing cars, hunting, and yes, fishing. I am beginning to wonder, do these guys fish because they are single, or are they single because they fish?
The plan was to meet at a Chinese restaurant for dinner at 6:30 pm. I took a nap at 4:00 pm with the alarm set so I would have plenty of time to wake up and get ready. I SLEPT THROUGH MY ALARM FOR AN HOUR! When I woke up I sprang from my bed as if I was in the story book the night before Christmas but I didn't see a man with eight tiny reindeer. I grabbed the phone the man's number hoping to find but instead I found many call phone numbers in line. Of course, I did what any insane woman would do when realizing she was late for a date. I called every single one! About the fourth number was the correct one. He was already there at the restaurant. I apologized profusely and asked him to give me 15 minutes that of course turned to 20 minutes. After getting ready with my make up half on I flew out the door and my way I was on. He must have seen me driving into the parking lot like a crazy person be cause he began walking to my vehicle as soon as I parked. He came up to me as I continued to apologize and said, "Don't worry about it. You look beautiful."
He is a skinny little guy, about my same height but since I was wearing heels, I appeared to be taller. As we ate and talked, he began talking about farming because it is what he knows best but some how in that, we discovered we went to the same high school for one year. He is a year younger than me. We didn't know of each other then. Well, as he tells it, he knew of me and remembered hearing me name often being called over the school's intercom. Yeah, I was normally in trouble back then, a bit of a scrapper I was. That gave us something to talk about and probably gave him the incentive to go home and find his old yearbook. BLAH! Twenty years ago, who am I kidding, I had no wrinkles and probably better skin.
After dinner he looked at me and said, "So, are you ready to do some bowling?" In my mind, I am thinking to myself, 'don't laugh, he is serious' . "Um, yeah, I'm ready. You may have to help me out though.", I said. On Friday nights the bowling ally has this thing, disco bowling or kaleidoscope bowling, techno bowling, I am not sure the name of it but they turn off the lights and turn on black lights and everything glows in the dark. It was pretty interesting. I bought us flashing light necklaces to go with all the other flashing lights. Actually, I was hoping it would be a distraction. ha ha I really can't bowl. However, at the end of one game, I did manage to get a turkey. I had no idea what that meant but he said that if you get three 'X' in a row, that is called a turkey. We played five games, I only broke a hundred once and I only won one game. He probably let me win. Much to my surprise, it was really a lot of fun. And even much more surprising is bowling is really good exercise. I think I got a bit of a work out.
Both of us really enjoyed the date. How do I know he did, besides all the smiling he did and him telling me he had a great time, as we left at 11:30 pm, he actually offered to fix my car, right then. He wanted to fix my car at 11:30 at night, in the parking lot of the bowling place. OMG!
I guess I really had some effect on him. While we stood by my car talking, he again continued to say the word 'so' when ever he said anything, so I knew he was once again nervous. Then he looked to me and asked, "Would you like to go out with me again?" I said, "Yes, I would." I really had a great time but I don't think there is the potential of a romantic relationship there. He is really skinny (that can be changed, yes I know) but he is also very timid. I am not sure how I would handle that on a long term basis.
And to spare you from the suspense, he did tell me that his hobbies are fixing cars, hunting, and yes, fishing. I am beginning to wonder, do these guys fish because they are single, or are they single because they fish?
Tomorrow about tonight
It is late and I am going to go to bed. Tomorrow I will write about the date I had tonight. Maybe tomorrow I will be able to catch up. Good night readers!
Good night Sweetheart
Already after midnight and I should be in bed, I need my beauty sleep, a lot of it. ha ha
I was going to go to bed but decided since I am behind on my blogging, I cracked open a can of Mountain Dew and here I am. As you know, I have been do some dating but somebody is getting jealous... It was his bad choice to turn away from a great woman. You know I always say, if you give a man an inch, he thinks he is a ruler.
Thursday night my date. He picked me up and we went to a restaurant to meet with some of his friends. He got tickets for us to see Three Dog Night. Very cool! We went to at a sports bar, I was surprised that we we arrived there, most of his friends were older women. I was expecting a bunch of flannel wearing, beer drinking, Yupper talking, Packer fan rednecks with mullet hair cuts. Okay, I wasn't expecting it to be THAT bad but with my luck, it could have very well have happened.
He goes to this establishment often and I have never been there. He ordered for me, now that is some old school etiquette. You don't see that happening anymore. He insisted picking me up for the date, opened doors, ate at an appropriate speed, very nice. When we went to the concert, it was an outside concert. Believe it or not, he had a folding couch for us to sit on. Now, that is class! We sat down and started watching the opening bands. Beginning to get cold, he gives me his coat. I was so comfortable, you will never believe what happened! I leaned over, put my head on his shoulder, and fell asleep. Whaaa! Can you believe that? He let me sleep and didn't wake me up, That is nice. I felt really bad. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. Maybe he is blogging about his bad date with me. lol As we were leaving, of course I apologize numerous times, he just smiled and said, "Don't worry about it." He is very sweet. But he did tease me about it a bit. I would have done the very same thing if it were someone else. lol He did ask me if I would like to go out with him again. Maybe I am a better date if I am asleep. lol As we were walking back to his car, I asked him, "Do you have any plans for the weekend?" He said, "Tomorrow, I will probably go fishing." I kid you not, he really said that.
It was a nice time, he was very considerate and sweet. I give him an A+ on his etiquette.
I was going to go to bed but decided since I am behind on my blogging, I cracked open a can of Mountain Dew and here I am. As you know, I have been do some dating but somebody is getting jealous... It was his bad choice to turn away from a great woman. You know I always say, if you give a man an inch, he thinks he is a ruler.
Thursday night my date. He picked me up and we went to a restaurant to meet with some of his friends. He got tickets for us to see Three Dog Night. Very cool! We went to at a sports bar, I was surprised that we we arrived there, most of his friends were older women. I was expecting a bunch of flannel wearing, beer drinking, Yupper talking, Packer fan rednecks with mullet hair cuts. Okay, I wasn't expecting it to be THAT bad but with my luck, it could have very well have happened.
He goes to this establishment often and I have never been there. He ordered for me, now that is some old school etiquette. You don't see that happening anymore. He insisted picking me up for the date, opened doors, ate at an appropriate speed, very nice. When we went to the concert, it was an outside concert. Believe it or not, he had a folding couch for us to sit on. Now, that is class! We sat down and started watching the opening bands. Beginning to get cold, he gives me his coat. I was so comfortable, you will never believe what happened! I leaned over, put my head on his shoulder, and fell asleep. Whaaa! Can you believe that? He let me sleep and didn't wake me up, That is nice. I felt really bad. Yeah, go ahead and laugh. Maybe he is blogging about his bad date with me. lol As we were leaving, of course I apologize numerous times, he just smiled and said, "Don't worry about it." He is very sweet. But he did tease me about it a bit. I would have done the very same thing if it were someone else. lol He did ask me if I would like to go out with him again. Maybe I am a better date if I am asleep. lol As we were walking back to his car, I asked him, "Do you have any plans for the weekend?" He said, "Tomorrow, I will probably go fishing." I kid you not, he really said that.
It was a nice time, he was very considerate and sweet. I give him an A+ on his etiquette.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Aphrodite vs, Athena
What is it with guys and fishing? I can't seem to get away from it? Uhg! Did I miss something? Has something drastically changed in the dating world since I have visited it last? Some how the dating experience has different dimensions. Is fishing the golden apple that was handed to Paris? Or is it, as I believe a mere delusion of a man to babble on of these fish stories in an unconscious attempt to indirectly suggest that he can provide for a female? At a significant query could there be an unidentified turn on of attraction that could be derived from the conversation of fishing. When it is said, "There are plenty of fish in the sea." It was not to be taken literally as many men seem to believe. In any romance novel or romance movie, i.e. "chick flick" is there any fishing going on? There are no plots that have to do or even lead to the orgasmic conversation of fishing or even the literary motion of the action.
However, if the fish tails and stories work, it is the choosing of Aphrodite (lust) that ultimately gets the man in trouble. Instead of telling fish stories, or worse, giving instruction of fishing (this REALLY does NOT charm a woman) it would be wiser to make the correct choice of Athena. Your mate may stay with you for a longer duration. Lust will bring you into battle but it is wisdom that brings you to love and happiness.
However, if the fish tails and stories work, it is the choosing of Aphrodite (lust) that ultimately gets the man in trouble. Instead of telling fish stories, or worse, giving instruction of fishing (this REALLY does NOT charm a woman) it would be wiser to make the correct choice of Athena. Your mate may stay with you for a longer duration. Lust will bring you into battle but it is wisdom that brings you to love and happiness.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
I am still hungry!
Last night I had a very nice date with a man who was very sweet. Uuummmm... How do I say this, It was a nice date. WOW! It is possible! He opened doors, smiled, has a good job, polite, so far no neon lights flashing with a loud buzzing alert, "Warning, Warning, Idiot ALERT, Idiot ALERT! EEERRRRR EEERRRR EEERRRRR..."
Talked about family, career, how beautiful I am. I always appreciate that! We went for Mexican food. The wait staff knew him because apparently, he goes there very often. Which, may or not be a good thing. Everything in moderation, your guests will thank you for it. he hehe
I ordered the chicken burrito, very good. He ate fast, I am not sure if he normally does that or if he was nervous. I eat kind of slow. It is a good idea to pace yourself eating pending on your company because it is considered rude other wise. I skipped lunch so I was starving. However, he finished his meal when I was only about half way through with mine. So when the waiter came to take his plate, I was down hearted and down stomached to ask for a box. I was still hungry!
We stayed at the table and continued chatting, I couldn't really understand what he was saying over the loud noises and grumbling of my tummy. The rest of my dinner was shouting from the square condo it was not sharing with my internal strength to hold back the desire to rip off the foam cover and dig in with the largest spoon I could find. Stupid food, taunting me, " you can't eat me, you can't eat me. Ha ha ha ha. I am in my teeny little styrofoam box, dignity and femininity, the great defender if finishing your meal in front of a date will protect me from you." Then it had this wicked little laugh like that guy at the end of the Thriller video. If I would have looked in the box, it probably would have little red eyes as it laughed. I was so hungry, I wanted to slap that Mexican accent right off of its rice and tomato face!
Then we moved to the bar for a drink. He asked me, "What would you like?" To finish my food! Who eats that fast anyway? What is your name Kirby Hoover? I am still hungry! I replied, "Oh, I am not sure, I guess a Margarita." Then it came with that lime slice on the side. Damn, I was so hungry, to me it looked like a salad! I am thinking to myself, if he looked away, how quickly could I snatch it off the rim of the glass and eat it? A little salty but who cares. Our drinks came surprisingly fast because the 'bartender' didn't speak much English but he did know margarita. Wait, is that English, or Spanish. Wow, even after a few drinks I can speak Spanish! Pretty good huh?! Margarita, margarita, margarita. I can say it three times fast. Oh, I can also drink three fast. See, I told you I was amazing! After drinks, he walked me to my car after the date. I told him thank you and I looked forward to seeing him again.
Then I got in my car with the excitement of a spoiled kid Christmas morning. Ah ha, I will be able to eat this on the way home. Not really, I had no flatware and we are talking about rice and a half burrito with the veggies on top. PISSER! When I got home, I raced to the kitchen and grabbed a fork. HHhmmmm, it was so good. I was so hungry and preoccupied with my food that I don't remember what he was talking to me about during the date. Maybe that is why it was a good date. I wonder if he talked about fishing? lol
Talked about family, career, how beautiful I am. I always appreciate that! We went for Mexican food. The wait staff knew him because apparently, he goes there very often. Which, may or not be a good thing. Everything in moderation, your guests will thank you for it. he hehe
I ordered the chicken burrito, very good. He ate fast, I am not sure if he normally does that or if he was nervous. I eat kind of slow. It is a good idea to pace yourself eating pending on your company because it is considered rude other wise. I skipped lunch so I was starving. However, he finished his meal when I was only about half way through with mine. So when the waiter came to take his plate, I was down hearted and down stomached to ask for a box. I was still hungry!
We stayed at the table and continued chatting, I couldn't really understand what he was saying over the loud noises and grumbling of my tummy. The rest of my dinner was shouting from the square condo it was not sharing with my internal strength to hold back the desire to rip off the foam cover and dig in with the largest spoon I could find. Stupid food, taunting me, " you can't eat me, you can't eat me. Ha ha ha ha. I am in my teeny little styrofoam box, dignity and femininity, the great defender if finishing your meal in front of a date will protect me from you." Then it had this wicked little laugh like that guy at the end of the Thriller video. If I would have looked in the box, it probably would have little red eyes as it laughed. I was so hungry, I wanted to slap that Mexican accent right off of its rice and tomato face!
Then we moved to the bar for a drink. He asked me, "What would you like?" To finish my food! Who eats that fast anyway? What is your name Kirby Hoover? I am still hungry! I replied, "Oh, I am not sure, I guess a Margarita." Then it came with that lime slice on the side. Damn, I was so hungry, to me it looked like a salad! I am thinking to myself, if he looked away, how quickly could I snatch it off the rim of the glass and eat it? A little salty but who cares. Our drinks came surprisingly fast because the 'bartender' didn't speak much English but he did know margarita. Wait, is that English, or Spanish. Wow, even after a few drinks I can speak Spanish! Pretty good huh?! Margarita, margarita, margarita. I can say it three times fast. Oh, I can also drink three fast. See, I told you I was amazing! After drinks, he walked me to my car after the date. I told him thank you and I looked forward to seeing him again.
Then I got in my car with the excitement of a spoiled kid Christmas morning. Ah ha, I will be able to eat this on the way home. Not really, I had no flatware and we are talking about rice and a half burrito with the veggies on top. PISSER! When I got home, I raced to the kitchen and grabbed a fork. HHhmmmm, it was so good. I was so hungry and preoccupied with my food that I don't remember what he was talking to me about during the date. Maybe that is why it was a good date. I wonder if he talked about fishing? lol
Phone date with a farmer
Hello everyone, sorry that I haven't blogged for a few days. I was sick for a few days but am back to being my sassy self and back on the fishing pond.
Oh boy, lets see... What have I been up to? Well, I am getting used to these phone dates. In fact I kind of like them because I can look absolutely terrible and they have no idea. Except, on a phone date I don't get dinner, unless you count the left overs from my fridge or a frozen meal. All though, some of those Healthy Choice meals are really good. Plus, you can end the phone date anytime without suspicion. "I have to go take my dog outside." "My goldfish just did a high dive out of its bowl and is flopping around on the floor! Gotta go! CLICK!" "You are so full of shit my toilet is overflowing. I need to get the plunger. bye!" Okay, so that last one I haven't actually used yet but it has come close.
Right, back to the phone date... The phone date was with a nice guy, he is a farmer. Whoa! Did I just say that, a farmer? I have never dated a farmer before. He likes to talk a lot, I think he was just nervous. Told me about farming a bit. I like animals so that was interesting. Said he is really involved in snow mobile something? I have no idea, I have seen those things but...I don't get it. He kind of lost me there. Fishing, what is it with all these guys and fishing????? Is it that they just want to feel something big and strong in their hands?
He sounded very nice on the phone, I think I will go on an actual date with him. I will keep you updated of course.
Oh boy, lets see... What have I been up to? Well, I am getting used to these phone dates. In fact I kind of like them because I can look absolutely terrible and they have no idea. Except, on a phone date I don't get dinner, unless you count the left overs from my fridge or a frozen meal. All though, some of those Healthy Choice meals are really good. Plus, you can end the phone date anytime without suspicion. "I have to go take my dog outside." "My goldfish just did a high dive out of its bowl and is flopping around on the floor! Gotta go! CLICK!" "You are so full of shit my toilet is overflowing. I need to get the plunger. bye!" Okay, so that last one I haven't actually used yet but it has come close.
Right, back to the phone date... The phone date was with a nice guy, he is a farmer. Whoa! Did I just say that, a farmer? I have never dated a farmer before. He likes to talk a lot, I think he was just nervous. Told me about farming a bit. I like animals so that was interesting. Said he is really involved in snow mobile something? I have no idea, I have seen those things but...I don't get it. He kind of lost me there. Fishing, what is it with all these guys and fishing????? Is it that they just want to feel something big and strong in their hands?
He sounded very nice on the phone, I think I will go on an actual date with him. I will keep you updated of course.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Saturday morning at the dog park
Since it has been so hot and humid out recently, I haven't been taking the dogs to the dog park.
This morning I woke up early and took them before it go too hot. I was surprised by the number of people there so early but I guess we all had the same idea to avoid the heat.
There was a really good looking guy there with his dog. Talked with him a little bit. I thought about asking him if his dog had a phone number. ha ha Since it was 8:00 on a Saturday morning and I pretty much just rolled out of bed and put on a T-shirt and sweat pants, I thought better of it. I looked like I came off the fashion runway for the camp-fire people. You know who you are. Don't worry Theresa, I won't mention ANY names! lol
The weekend is here and I am so excited I could just spit.
Lets see what interesting things happen.
This morning I woke up early and took them before it go too hot. I was surprised by the number of people there so early but I guess we all had the same idea to avoid the heat.
There was a really good looking guy there with his dog. Talked with him a little bit. I thought about asking him if his dog had a phone number. ha ha Since it was 8:00 on a Saturday morning and I pretty much just rolled out of bed and put on a T-shirt and sweat pants, I thought better of it. I looked like I came off the fashion runway for the camp-fire people. You know who you are. Don't worry Theresa, I won't mention ANY names! lol
The weekend is here and I am so excited I could just spit.
Lets see what interesting things happen.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Blue roof and bad credit
A wise decision I discovered long ago was to try to have the first date a lunch date. That way if you quickly discover that you made a mistake going out with Prince Not-So-Charming, you can get out of there quickly. If you decide to make a second date, then it can be a dinner date. Now guys, I know you think you have some control in deciding if there will be a second date but put your egos aside, this one is on us. The lunch date has proven to be more and more effective, however, I do not advise having a lunch date and a dinner date all in the same day.
Out of towner asks for a date then suggest a restaurant here in my town. Only by chance or maybe bad omen does he chose my least desirable place in town. Out of hundreds of restaurants, he picks this one. How does he come to the decision of that one restaurant? Why he chose it by the color of the roof of course! Why would anyone be so silly as to choose a place to eat by the taste of the food? Especially when there are so many pretty roofs out there!
While dining at this less than impressive establishment, you can choose to eat in doors or out doors. He didn't think to ask me which I would prefer before he quickly informed the hostess that we will be dining outside. Outside, in a very hot August with humidity of a thousand decrees, by the river (which was nice) and the seagulls flying over head. Lets not forget the band that plays outside. So not only do I have to worry about the seagulls, but since the band is so loud, I turn off my hearing aids and must fully rely on lip reading. Ugh! I am pretty sure he is not going to say anything interesting anyway.
As we are looking over the menu, he actually looks over the menu to me and says, "Tell me, will we be splitting the check?" "What was that?" I replied, absolutely sure I did not understand what he said. Again he asks, "Will we be splitting the check together?" He did not just say that! I smiled at him and just "no". First of all, if you can not afford to by lunch for two people, don't ask a girl out. Second, don't pick the restaurant by the color of the roof. And third, while looking at the menu trying to decide what to order, is the tackiest time to ask a date to split the check! Good golly! Be a man and pay the check. It is only sandwiches for lunch, not lobster! After the sandwiches arrive to our table, he unrolls his silverware from the cloth napkin, sets the napkin aside (instead of putting it on his lap), then asks the waitress for napkins. She politely points to the napkin from which his fork has come. He then asks, "Don't you have any paper napkins?"
She informs him they do not. Because I am polite, I only smiled and kept my comments to myself, until now that is. But some how, I don't think he would be reading this blog. We begin with having a drink, and to spend the next hour with this guy, I think I will need it.
Once the sandwiches come to the table, we each begin to eat. I ask him, "How is your food?" "good, and yours" he replies. "Fine, thank you.", was my reply. As we quietly eat and I am trying to think of what excuse I will use to get out of there quickly, he leans my way and says, "Can I ask you a question?" Very quickly I hold my smart ass self back from saying, 'you just did', I simply say, "sure". He asks my, "Can I have a some of your pickle?" Are we in a Vlasic pickle commercial? I see the cameras but I thought those were for the restaurant. With my right hand, I point to the pickle on his plate and say, "You do have a pickle right there, and it is the same as mine. But if you would still like my pickle, you are welcome to it." Then he says, "oh" and takes a bite out of the pickle after plucking it from his plate. THEN, as I am eating, he just reaches over to my plate and begins snatching my fries, without asking. "If you would like some fires, I am sure the waitress will gladly bring you some." "No, I am trying to eat healthier. That is why I ordered the coleslaw.", he says. That was his reason. Oh right, what was I thinking? Again, trying to keep my smart ass comments to myself and some of you know just how difficult that can be for me, especially at that very moment.
Focus, ...focus, I silently coach myself. 'Let him have the fries and just finish your sandwich' I tell myself. After we finish our lunch, the waitress brings the check. He lets it sit at the table and starts talking to me. I can not understand everything he is saying, only a few words so I jump ahead and thank him for the lunch, in an attempt to get him to pay the bill so we can leave. More importantly so I can leave, I don't really care if he stays or not. He finally retrieves his wallet from his backside and places a credit card in the paying folder for the restaurant. Upon the waitresses return with the check and credit card, she informs him that his card has been declined. He then gets another credit card from his wallet, hands it to the waitress and says, "Try this one and see if it will work."
At this point, I am in shock and trying to not make it so obvious. Suddenly, I am aware of every muscle in my facial structure and its movement. I am trying to look 'normal' and not mortified or shocked or, I don't know, I was at a loss for words, imagine that. lol The second card did accept the charge. Upon leaving the restaurant, I thanked our waitress and the hostess, then thanked him for the lunch. He walked with me through the parking lot and began a conversation, after a five or eight minutes I again thanked him for the lunch and told him I need to get going. He gave me a hug and let me know it was a pleasure to go out with me and that he really liked my smile. If he only knew it was holding back tears of laughter, he probably wouldn't have liked it so much. Then he began talking, again... I slowly started backing up to go to my car but he was not quick on the hint and continued talking. So I thanked him again and said "Have a great day.", and went to my car. That was the end of that.
Believe me, I was happy to get out of there. Men should have to carry around a little computer chip that we women can put in the computer and see all of their qualities, good and bad, and comments left by their previous dates, a little comment section from school and family. Oh why not, even a little area where we can grade them on a scale from one to five. Information on their good and bad habits would also be nice. That would be technology that I would make sure to know how to use. But I am sure if that miracle did come to pass, a lot more guys would not be reproducing and we may ruin the chance for a woman in the future to go on a date to a restaurant with a pretty roof.
Out of towner asks for a date then suggest a restaurant here in my town. Only by chance or maybe bad omen does he chose my least desirable place in town. Out of hundreds of restaurants, he picks this one. How does he come to the decision of that one restaurant? Why he chose it by the color of the roof of course! Why would anyone be so silly as to choose a place to eat by the taste of the food? Especially when there are so many pretty roofs out there!
While dining at this less than impressive establishment, you can choose to eat in doors or out doors. He didn't think to ask me which I would prefer before he quickly informed the hostess that we will be dining outside. Outside, in a very hot August with humidity of a thousand decrees, by the river (which was nice) and the seagulls flying over head. Lets not forget the band that plays outside. So not only do I have to worry about the seagulls, but since the band is so loud, I turn off my hearing aids and must fully rely on lip reading. Ugh! I am pretty sure he is not going to say anything interesting anyway.
As we are looking over the menu, he actually looks over the menu to me and says, "Tell me, will we be splitting the check?" "What was that?" I replied, absolutely sure I did not understand what he said. Again he asks, "Will we be splitting the check together?" He did not just say that! I smiled at him and just "no". First of all, if you can not afford to by lunch for two people, don't ask a girl out. Second, don't pick the restaurant by the color of the roof. And third, while looking at the menu trying to decide what to order, is the tackiest time to ask a date to split the check! Good golly! Be a man and pay the check. It is only sandwiches for lunch, not lobster! After the sandwiches arrive to our table, he unrolls his silverware from the cloth napkin, sets the napkin aside (instead of putting it on his lap), then asks the waitress for napkins. She politely points to the napkin from which his fork has come. He then asks, "Don't you have any paper napkins?"
She informs him they do not. Because I am polite, I only smiled and kept my comments to myself, until now that is. But some how, I don't think he would be reading this blog. We begin with having a drink, and to spend the next hour with this guy, I think I will need it.
Once the sandwiches come to the table, we each begin to eat. I ask him, "How is your food?" "good, and yours" he replies. "Fine, thank you.", was my reply. As we quietly eat and I am trying to think of what excuse I will use to get out of there quickly, he leans my way and says, "Can I ask you a question?" Very quickly I hold my smart ass self back from saying, 'you just did', I simply say, "sure". He asks my, "Can I have a some of your pickle?" Are we in a Vlasic pickle commercial? I see the cameras but I thought those were for the restaurant. With my right hand, I point to the pickle on his plate and say, "You do have a pickle right there, and it is the same as mine. But if you would still like my pickle, you are welcome to it." Then he says, "oh" and takes a bite out of the pickle after plucking it from his plate. THEN, as I am eating, he just reaches over to my plate and begins snatching my fries, without asking. "If you would like some fires, I am sure the waitress will gladly bring you some." "No, I am trying to eat healthier. That is why I ordered the coleslaw.", he says. That was his reason. Oh right, what was I thinking? Again, trying to keep my smart ass comments to myself and some of you know just how difficult that can be for me, especially at that very moment.
Focus, ...focus, I silently coach myself. 'Let him have the fries and just finish your sandwich' I tell myself. After we finish our lunch, the waitress brings the check. He lets it sit at the table and starts talking to me. I can not understand everything he is saying, only a few words so I jump ahead and thank him for the lunch, in an attempt to get him to pay the bill so we can leave. More importantly so I can leave, I don't really care if he stays or not. He finally retrieves his wallet from his backside and places a credit card in the paying folder for the restaurant. Upon the waitresses return with the check and credit card, she informs him that his card has been declined. He then gets another credit card from his wallet, hands it to the waitress and says, "Try this one and see if it will work."
At this point, I am in shock and trying to not make it so obvious. Suddenly, I am aware of every muscle in my facial structure and its movement. I am trying to look 'normal' and not mortified or shocked or, I don't know, I was at a loss for words, imagine that. lol The second card did accept the charge. Upon leaving the restaurant, I thanked our waitress and the hostess, then thanked him for the lunch. He walked with me through the parking lot and began a conversation, after a five or eight minutes I again thanked him for the lunch and told him I need to get going. He gave me a hug and let me know it was a pleasure to go out with me and that he really liked my smile. If he only knew it was holding back tears of laughter, he probably wouldn't have liked it so much. Then he began talking, again... I slowly started backing up to go to my car but he was not quick on the hint and continued talking. So I thanked him again and said "Have a great day.", and went to my car. That was the end of that.
Believe me, I was happy to get out of there. Men should have to carry around a little computer chip that we women can put in the computer and see all of their qualities, good and bad, and comments left by their previous dates, a little comment section from school and family. Oh why not, even a little area where we can grade them on a scale from one to five. Information on their good and bad habits would also be nice. That would be technology that I would make sure to know how to use. But I am sure if that miracle did come to pass, a lot more guys would not be reproducing and we may ruin the chance for a woman in the future to go on a date to a restaurant with a pretty roof.
Bad smoking but a good dinner
How did my date go last night? The beginning was slow, typical for this area as we went for a couple of drinks. Er go, he bought me a couple of drinks and he drank soda pop. He said that he didn't drink, which is a good thing. Drinking is not to common for me either but he kept buying them and I told him Pisces is a fish but we don't swim in alcohol. He replied bluntly, "Just trying to get you loosen up and away from your inhibition." Okay, that is a bad sign if a man says this, especially on the first date. What is it with guys? They quickly revert to the mental status of a 13 year old boy when they are around beautiful women, or around me. lol While we were sitting at the pub, an older man and his wife were sitting next to me. When the man's wife left the for the restroom, the man leaned over to me and told me I had a very beautiful smile. He was very nice. The bartender even hit on me when my 'date' went outside the pub to have a cigarette. This actually flattered me because he was a young guy, in his late twenties. WAKKA WAKKA!
When my date pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, that was a huge gross factor for me. YUCK! "You smoke????? That is DISGUSTING! Now I will go home STINKING like smoke!!! If you weren't going to buy me a nice dinner and I wasn't so hungry, I would leave!" That's what I said, IN MY MIND. But out my mouth came different words, I think it came out something like. "Oh, no, that's fine, you can smoke." It made me think of the movie 'Forrest Gump'. When that girl kisses Forrest Gump and he throws her on the floor. Then says that great line, "Sorry to ruin you New Years Eve party Lieutenant Dan. That girl tasted like cigarettes."
His etiquette, aside from the smoking... Not bad, could use some brushing up. He didn't swear though the whole date. There was interesting conversation. And when I say interesting, I mean he told me about some story when he was in the military about him and seven other guys shared two hookers. Why in the world would a man tell ANYONE that, especially when he was on a date? While eating bread and butter, he scooped the butter right out from the package and put it directly on the bread. Okay, so I am being too fussy about the butter thing. That I can over look but the smoking and prostitute story, not so much. He did however, put his napkin on his lap, and he used it. So he gets point for that.
He tried to be a gentleman, right up until I would say about 10:00 or so. Then he thought he was going to have a home run or at least hit a few of the bases. Boy, was he mistaken. What does he think I am fast food? Fat, cheap, and easy? Well, at least he can take no for an answer, after you say it a few dozen times.
Men, if you are reading this blog, please take these few pieces of advice.
1. Women DO NOT want to hear stories about prostitution.
2. We are not interested in fishing stories.
3. If a woman says 'no', she probably isn't going to change her mind in the following
next few minutes.
4. Do NOT even think about asking her for intimate encounters when there is no relationship between you. Women are amazing people, not toys.
We had a very nice dinner, excellent food, both of us had the surf and turf, wonderful salad bar.
The restaurant had a very large fish tank, and in it, was the largest lion fish I had ever seen in my life. It was really a beautiful sight.
When my date pulled out a pack of cigarettes and lit one, that was a huge gross factor for me. YUCK! "You smoke????? That is DISGUSTING! Now I will go home STINKING like smoke!!! If you weren't going to buy me a nice dinner and I wasn't so hungry, I would leave!" That's what I said, IN MY MIND. But out my mouth came different words, I think it came out something like. "Oh, no, that's fine, you can smoke." It made me think of the movie 'Forrest Gump'. When that girl kisses Forrest Gump and he throws her on the floor. Then says that great line, "Sorry to ruin you New Years Eve party Lieutenant Dan. That girl tasted like cigarettes."
His etiquette, aside from the smoking... Not bad, could use some brushing up. He didn't swear though the whole date. There was interesting conversation. And when I say interesting, I mean he told me about some story when he was in the military about him and seven other guys shared two hookers. Why in the world would a man tell ANYONE that, especially when he was on a date? While eating bread and butter, he scooped the butter right out from the package and put it directly on the bread. Okay, so I am being too fussy about the butter thing. That I can over look but the smoking and prostitute story, not so much. He did however, put his napkin on his lap, and he used it. So he gets point for that.
He tried to be a gentleman, right up until I would say about 10:00 or so. Then he thought he was going to have a home run or at least hit a few of the bases. Boy, was he mistaken. What does he think I am fast food? Fat, cheap, and easy? Well, at least he can take no for an answer, after you say it a few dozen times.
Men, if you are reading this blog, please take these few pieces of advice.
1. Women DO NOT want to hear stories about prostitution.
2. We are not interested in fishing stories.
3. If a woman says 'no', she probably isn't going to change her mind in the following
next few minutes.
4. Do NOT even think about asking her for intimate encounters when there is no relationship between you. Women are amazing people, not toys.
We had a very nice dinner, excellent food, both of us had the surf and turf, wonderful salad bar.
The restaurant had a very large fish tank, and in it, was the largest lion fish I had ever seen in my life. It was really a beautiful sight.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
H-U-M-I-D-I-T-Y
This heat and humidity is terrible!!!! I have recently moved to an upper with no AC. It is awful and really zaps my ambition. Ugh! I have to get going and take care of the things I need to do today because I have a date later tonight. It is a dinner date. You can be sure I will be checking his etiquette and making notes. Ha, can you imagine me showing up to a date with a pen, a little note pad, and a tiny flashlight making notes through the whole date. That would be hilarious! People, do not be confused, etiquette is not chivalry, though chivalry is important. Etiquette is respect, R-E-S-P... you know the rest. If you don't have at least some dating etiquette, it is no wonder why you are single, and if you don't find some etiquette pretty damn fast, you probably should not be dating. Don't call me! Alright, I have things to do, it is only going to get hotter and more humid. Wouldn't want to miss that. I will post later after the date to let you know how things went.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Is that a Snickers bar in my pocket?
This afternoon I was in one of my absolutely favorite stores, Hobby Lobby. Everything in there is so beautiful! I love that store. That is not the point I am trying to make so I will move on. Someone I used to go to school with sometime back was also in the store, shopping for something fabulous no doubt. We began to chat and catch up on what has happened since we worked together. Then she gets this strange look in her eye and twitches her mouth to the side. I asked her if she had broccoli for lunch but she said "no". "Are you okay? Is something stuck in your teeth?" I asked her. The she really looked at me strange, and said, "No." But at least then, her face contracted to its normal shape. She continued on, "I was just thinking about this guy in my office who is separated from his wife, he is a nice guy, good job and nice income. You should give him a call." Then it was my turn to give her a strange look on my face and asked, "Why?" Throwing her hands up in the air and then letting them fall to her sides says (with another strange look on her face), "So you can meet him! Maybe you guys can go out on a date or something." I just shook my head and rolled my eyes, reluctantly responding, "Tell me more about him." Then the story began...
"I don't really know that much about him but he is in his early 40's, separated from his wife and kids but I guess he still sees them on the weekends. (She shakes her head this time she is the one rolling her eyes). He works a lot and is kind of shy, he is from India, good looking, average build..." I stop her. "What? What do mean he is from India? Were you just going to throw that in and think I wouldn't notice?" She says with her shoulders pulled up full of tension, shoulders all the way up to her earlobes, "You know, India. You have met people from India before, when we were in college together you used to study with that girl who is from India." "Yeah, I know but I never dated her or anyone else from there, or for that matter, any girl!" Together we had a brief laugh. With one eyebrow raised and her moth cocked to one side, she asked me, "Does it really matter where they are from?" "Well, no I guess not, I have met a few very nice people from India, I just never, I don't know, I just never thought about dating one." With another silly look on her face, she shakes her head and continues on.
It really must have looked like a 'meeting of the minds' standing there in Hobby Lobby making faces and hand gestures back and forth rolling our eyes at each other. So at the end of the description of the guy that she really didn't know much about, she hands me the phone number to his office. Which I stuffed in my pocked next to the half eaten now melted Snickers bar. With a quick waive of the hand to say good bye, I shook my head at myself and mumbled, "India." I continued shopping and never gave it another thought. After getting the things I did need and the things I didn't need, I went to my car, sat in the hot seat and felt the rest of the candy bar spew out of my pocket and onto the seat. Damn! Cleaning it up, the number was with it which at no further thought tossed the chocolate covered and ripped piece of paper into the trash can with what was left of the chocolate bar that wasn't sticking to my hands. Then was on my way home.
LATER... the phone rings and there is a thick Indian accent on the other side of the phone line. Quickly comes to my mind, they are calling to fix my computer, AWESOME! I have been waiting, "2-4 days a representative will contact you." The detached voice on the other phone line asks, "Is this Carrie?" "Yes." I quickly respond because I am glad to FINALLY have the program problem on my computer fixed. I start to go into the problem with the computer that I have to keep shutting it down in order to restart the program and it still runs slow and also my password is not working. After a moment of silence on the phone, I ask, "Hello? Are you still there?" The accent comes back and responds quieter then before. "No, I am calling because I received your number from my co-worker. She said you are single woman and you are free to date man now." (Please, read that sentence with a thick Indian accent in mind) All I could do is think about Abu from the Simpson's. At the end of the sentence, I expected him to ask me if I wanted a slushy with that. Then it also hit me, I probably just insulted this guy. I thought to myself, "CRAP! Now I will have to go out on a date with him because other wise, he will think I don't like people from India." Damn it! After talking to him on the phone for about 5 minutes or so, he says, (again, think of the accent!) "I would like to take you to dinner have drink with you or something and would like to make love to you that day." "EXCUSE ME? What did you say?" I asked with a piercing sound of insult firing from my voice. Then realizing he has said something wrong, he makes an even bigger mistake when he attempts to make up for the first great mistake. He says, "OH, I could pay you $50.00 or something like that." AAaaaaaaggghhhhhhh! I ended the phone call. I was soooo insulted, I can not even believe this guy could even say something like that to a person he has never even met before. My gosh, that is disgusting and completely unbelievable. To make the confusion worse, I wasn't sure if I was more insulted that he actually asked me on the phone to have sex with him the first time I met him, of if I was more insulted that he only wanted to pay me $50.00. What is the going rate? (ha ha Just kidding) I have no idea but DAMN! That takes the friggen cake! I was totally pissed when I got off the phone. Stupid JERK! I can't believe she gave him my phone number and didn't tell me or even ask me. To make matters worse, I didn't get my computer fixed and I am still waiting "2-4 days for a representative to contact me."
"I don't really know that much about him but he is in his early 40's, separated from his wife and kids but I guess he still sees them on the weekends. (She shakes her head this time she is the one rolling her eyes). He works a lot and is kind of shy, he is from India, good looking, average build..." I stop her. "What? What do mean he is from India? Were you just going to throw that in and think I wouldn't notice?" She says with her shoulders pulled up full of tension, shoulders all the way up to her earlobes, "You know, India. You have met people from India before, when we were in college together you used to study with that girl who is from India." "Yeah, I know but I never dated her or anyone else from there, or for that matter, any girl!" Together we had a brief laugh. With one eyebrow raised and her moth cocked to one side, she asked me, "Does it really matter where they are from?" "Well, no I guess not, I have met a few very nice people from India, I just never, I don't know, I just never thought about dating one." With another silly look on her face, she shakes her head and continues on.
It really must have looked like a 'meeting of the minds' standing there in Hobby Lobby making faces and hand gestures back and forth rolling our eyes at each other. So at the end of the description of the guy that she really didn't know much about, she hands me the phone number to his office. Which I stuffed in my pocked next to the half eaten now melted Snickers bar. With a quick waive of the hand to say good bye, I shook my head at myself and mumbled, "India." I continued shopping and never gave it another thought. After getting the things I did need and the things I didn't need, I went to my car, sat in the hot seat and felt the rest of the candy bar spew out of my pocket and onto the seat. Damn! Cleaning it up, the number was with it which at no further thought tossed the chocolate covered and ripped piece of paper into the trash can with what was left of the chocolate bar that wasn't sticking to my hands. Then was on my way home.
LATER... the phone rings and there is a thick Indian accent on the other side of the phone line. Quickly comes to my mind, they are calling to fix my computer, AWESOME! I have been waiting, "2-4 days a representative will contact you." The detached voice on the other phone line asks, "Is this Carrie?" "Yes." I quickly respond because I am glad to FINALLY have the program problem on my computer fixed. I start to go into the problem with the computer that I have to keep shutting it down in order to restart the program and it still runs slow and also my password is not working. After a moment of silence on the phone, I ask, "Hello? Are you still there?" The accent comes back and responds quieter then before. "No, I am calling because I received your number from my co-worker. She said you are single woman and you are free to date man now." (Please, read that sentence with a thick Indian accent in mind) All I could do is think about Abu from the Simpson's. At the end of the sentence, I expected him to ask me if I wanted a slushy with that. Then it also hit me, I probably just insulted this guy. I thought to myself, "CRAP! Now I will have to go out on a date with him because other wise, he will think I don't like people from India." Damn it! After talking to him on the phone for about 5 minutes or so, he says, (again, think of the accent!) "I would like to take you to dinner have drink with you or something and would like to make love to you that day." "EXCUSE ME? What did you say?" I asked with a piercing sound of insult firing from my voice. Then realizing he has said something wrong, he makes an even bigger mistake when he attempts to make up for the first great mistake. He says, "OH, I could pay you $50.00 or something like that." AAaaaaaaggghhhhhhh! I ended the phone call. I was soooo insulted, I can not even believe this guy could even say something like that to a person he has never even met before. My gosh, that is disgusting and completely unbelievable. To make the confusion worse, I wasn't sure if I was more insulted that he actually asked me on the phone to have sex with him the first time I met him, of if I was more insulted that he only wanted to pay me $50.00. What is the going rate? (ha ha Just kidding) I have no idea but DAMN! That takes the friggen cake! I was totally pissed when I got off the phone. Stupid JERK! I can't believe she gave him my phone number and didn't tell me or even ask me. To make matters worse, I didn't get my computer fixed and I am still waiting "2-4 days for a representative to contact me."
A short internal discussion
A brief update from the battlefield of dating. Some of you might be wondering, "Does she have any successful dates?" and the answer, though sometimes it feels like no, the answer is yes. Successful to 100% absolutely not, that is why I am writing this blog. However, let me tell you about one guy, that was beginning to look promising...
To bad he lives far away, that is the beginning factor why it was not successful. And so is the burden of long distance. The man may have been calling me from the sun because, DANG! He is HOT! lol Has a good job and good education, caring, etc So you ask me what went wrong and why did I give up after only a month of daily phone calls. Yup, every day we talked and smiled at each other. Well, I will tell you this my friends, I was beginning to get the feeling this guy is a "playa" or however that is spelled ebonicly speaking. Let me give you his vitals, 5'6" yeah, short I know, very good looking with a nice bod to go with it, gorgeous eyes, master's degree, president of a company that is successful, seemed to have a caring attitude. When I had glass stuck in my foot he was relentless until I finally went to the doctor to have it removed.
So what was it that made me stop taking his calls? It was just some kind of a feeling, you know, it is hard to explain, but besides the distance, that can always be worked out.
But a feeling I had just said to me, "Hey me, is this what you really want?" and I answered to myself, "Yes, self, this is what I want, a smart man who has a good job, is charming, and attentive, etc yeah, this is what I want." Then I retorted back, "Are you sure????" "Yeah, shut up, this is what I want!" Man, sometimes I can be so foolish, what a dumb question! Then I asked myself what do I really feel inside, in my heart and not in my mind, "Myself, what do you feel in your heart and not in your mind?" Then I had to respond truthfully, "Well, in my heart, I think that the distance is too much, I have the feeling that he isn't 100% honest and you know we have been through that before. Plus I haven't seen all of the fruits from his labour, maybe some of them are rotten." Even more importantly, I asked myself, "Self, why are you talking to yourself?" This question I didn't answer, that would have been not right some how. ha ha ha
Besides, in the heat of passion, how would I scream out the name Ralph? Just doesn't seem to work. Oh well... Wish me luck on the next one.
To bad he lives far away, that is the beginning factor why it was not successful. And so is the burden of long distance. The man may have been calling me from the sun because, DANG! He is HOT! lol Has a good job and good education, caring, etc So you ask me what went wrong and why did I give up after only a month of daily phone calls. Yup, every day we talked and smiled at each other. Well, I will tell you this my friends, I was beginning to get the feeling this guy is a "playa" or however that is spelled ebonicly speaking. Let me give you his vitals, 5'6" yeah, short I know, very good looking with a nice bod to go with it, gorgeous eyes, master's degree, president of a company that is successful, seemed to have a caring attitude. When I had glass stuck in my foot he was relentless until I finally went to the doctor to have it removed.
So what was it that made me stop taking his calls? It was just some kind of a feeling, you know, it is hard to explain, but besides the distance, that can always be worked out.
But a feeling I had just said to me, "Hey me, is this what you really want?" and I answered to myself, "Yes, self, this is what I want, a smart man who has a good job, is charming, and attentive, etc yeah, this is what I want." Then I retorted back, "Are you sure????" "Yeah, shut up, this is what I want!" Man, sometimes I can be so foolish, what a dumb question! Then I asked myself what do I really feel inside, in my heart and not in my mind, "Myself, what do you feel in your heart and not in your mind?" Then I had to respond truthfully, "Well, in my heart, I think that the distance is too much, I have the feeling that he isn't 100% honest and you know we have been through that before. Plus I haven't seen all of the fruits from his labour, maybe some of them are rotten." Even more importantly, I asked myself, "Self, why are you talking to yourself?" This question I didn't answer, that would have been not right some how. ha ha ha
Besides, in the heat of passion, how would I scream out the name Ralph? Just doesn't seem to work. Oh well... Wish me luck on the next one.
Monday, August 10, 2009
Phone date with a spider.
Have you heard of these telephone dates? No pun intended...
It is supposed to be a "date" that is on the phone to decide if you want to meet the person for a real date. Call me old fashioned but I thought one must be at least in the same room with someone to be on a date.
On his first attempt to try and impress me he told me he is a motivational speaker. My first thought, another man who thinks he knows something about anything. Normally a man thinks he knows something about EVERYTHING. The last one I was married to told me he was a man of few words, he still hasn't stopped talking. This guy on the phone, continues in a low un-masculine tone about how much money he earns and he is so wealthy and travels around the world, blah blah blah... Then in the very next step tells me he is in school trying to get a degree (which is commendable, no disrespect about school) however, boast about the PELL grant he gets is more than his needs for school so he keeps the extra. I am not a "rock scientist" like Jessica Simpson but I can put two and two together. Eligibility requirements for the Pell grant is low income, college students who can't pay for college. Maybe he should go to school to become a "rock scientist".
One great aspect to a phone date is that you can roll your eyes without restriction. About the 38th time I rolled my eyes, I noticed this spider on the ceiling. I really do not like spiders! Now I have to worry about the spider and where the thing will scurry off to if I look away. Then it does that 'drop swing through the air your scared of me' move that spiders do. I hate that one! Of course, there is not a man around to save me from this spider who has now become monster size in my mind because it knows the Jedi mind trick of how to frighten me. "Maybe if I get a shoe," I think to myself. (as if I am really going to kill it) Just a word of advice, high heel shoes don't work to your advantage when killing a spider, it just makes them more mad and makes them do that spinning in a circle thingy so you really panic, well, at least I did. Every man I ever met that has killed spiders flashes through my mind. Mmmmmm, how did they do it... well, certainly not with a high heeled shoe, at least they better not have used one of mine, I would kill 'em. But for now, let me try to kill this spider. ~~~ Ugh! I tried the broom, that Didn't work! Now I can't find it! Oh my gosh! What if it is still alive!? Now that it is mad at me, it will probably try to come after me, or worse, MY SHOES!!!!!! I have to go find that spider...
Okay, I am back. I found it, it was wounded so I was able to kill it quickly and put it our of its misery. Crisis is over and a certain shoe now feels safe.
Oh, the guy on the phone, nothing, just another loser in the chain of dating what is left over from the landslide of another woman's headache. Believe me the spider was much more interesting, at least I was able to kill him. Good thing it was a phone date. I has happy to not be in the same city with the guy let alone be in the same room. By the way, did I mention the guy turned out to 50 years old! If we were in the same room, he wouldn't have been as lucky as the spider.
It is supposed to be a "date" that is on the phone to decide if you want to meet the person for a real date. Call me old fashioned but I thought one must be at least in the same room with someone to be on a date.
On his first attempt to try and impress me he told me he is a motivational speaker. My first thought, another man who thinks he knows something about anything. Normally a man thinks he knows something about EVERYTHING. The last one I was married to told me he was a man of few words, he still hasn't stopped talking. This guy on the phone, continues in a low un-masculine tone about how much money he earns and he is so wealthy and travels around the world, blah blah blah... Then in the very next step tells me he is in school trying to get a degree (which is commendable, no disrespect about school) however, boast about the PELL grant he gets is more than his needs for school so he keeps the extra. I am not a "rock scientist" like Jessica Simpson but I can put two and two together. Eligibility requirements for the Pell grant is low income, college students who can't pay for college. Maybe he should go to school to become a "rock scientist".
One great aspect to a phone date is that you can roll your eyes without restriction. About the 38th time I rolled my eyes, I noticed this spider on the ceiling. I really do not like spiders! Now I have to worry about the spider and where the thing will scurry off to if I look away. Then it does that 'drop swing through the air your scared of me' move that spiders do. I hate that one! Of course, there is not a man around to save me from this spider who has now become monster size in my mind because it knows the Jedi mind trick of how to frighten me. "Maybe if I get a shoe," I think to myself. (as if I am really going to kill it) Just a word of advice, high heel shoes don't work to your advantage when killing a spider, it just makes them more mad and makes them do that spinning in a circle thingy so you really panic, well, at least I did. Every man I ever met that has killed spiders flashes through my mind. Mmmmmm, how did they do it... well, certainly not with a high heeled shoe, at least they better not have used one of mine, I would kill 'em. But for now, let me try to kill this spider. ~~~ Ugh! I tried the broom, that Didn't work! Now I can't find it! Oh my gosh! What if it is still alive!? Now that it is mad at me, it will probably try to come after me, or worse, MY SHOES!!!!!! I have to go find that spider...
Okay, I am back. I found it, it was wounded so I was able to kill it quickly and put it our of its misery. Crisis is over and a certain shoe now feels safe.
Oh, the guy on the phone, nothing, just another loser in the chain of dating what is left over from the landslide of another woman's headache. Believe me the spider was much more interesting, at least I was able to kill him. Good thing it was a phone date. I has happy to not be in the same city with the guy let alone be in the same room. By the way, did I mention the guy turned out to 50 years old! If we were in the same room, he wouldn't have been as lucky as the spider.
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Tired day and as hot as the guys I want to date.
Most of you who know me know that I am computer illegitimate child and do not belong to the technologically informed family. My very good friend Theresa helps me to do just about everything on the damn computer so bare with the incompetent as I journey into the great known (known by everyone except me that is) Internet blogging frontier. Thanks for joining me and I will make a great attempt to remember spell check as I am an even worst speller than I am on picking good dates.
Today I slept over 12 hours and am still completely exhausted. Want to curl up in my bright pink sheets with all my pillows and sleep again but somehow the heat that has apparently come in from the Sahara Desert is making the apartment so hot it would be unable to to. Even my stove is sweating it is so hot. What do you mean, turn on the AC? I don't have AC, besides this is Wisconsin, it will probably have snow showers later today.
Today I slept over 12 hours and am still completely exhausted. Want to curl up in my bright pink sheets with all my pillows and sleep again but somehow the heat that has apparently come in from the Sahara Desert is making the apartment so hot it would be unable to to. Even my stove is sweating it is so hot. What do you mean, turn on the AC? I don't have AC, besides this is Wisconsin, it will probably have snow showers later today.
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Beginning of disaster dating
Okay, SWF 35, great smile and wonderful personality. So, why am I dating again at 35??? I am glad you asked because I was planning on telling you anyway.
Was married, or so I thought but life has a funny way of kicking you in the ass of your heart. So anyway, here I am dating again and some of my experiences were so bad, they would have been hilarious if it didn't happen to me. Well, they did and continue to if they didn't, I would be happily married to a tall, good looking sexy man who treated me like a princess and feeds me bonbons. A bit of lobster wouldn't be bad either. Now I eat frozen meals from my tiny ass apartment refrigerator. All alone standing at the kitchen counter.
Could I use a date? Hell yeah, a girl has to eat. Even better, I could use a valuable dating experience that turned into something better than just a attempt to ignore a hair covered mother's mistake that still lives in her basement.
Do you think you can stand to follow and read more, let me begin the trail of the debacle of my current dating experience.
My first blind date, oh yeah, I said it, BLIND-DATE. Normally, I would have declined such obvious bad idea, however, this truly was a blind date. No, the guy wasn't blind but the way he acted, he may as well have been. The call that started the catastrophe, I was told from the unrelenting side of the phone line, " The date has already been set up and the man already contacted. He is waiting for the confirmation call." "WHAT!?" I panicked in a shocked voice. "Why didn't you ask me first?" I spouted as I sprayed the phone receiver with the phlegm from my now gaping mouth. "... or even call me first?" Astounded but not surprised by the response I heard from the smiling voice, "If I would have asked you first, you would have said no."
Not to bore you with the phone call, let me begin to bore you with the boring date. I invented this blog not to entertain you but to make you suffer with me, or at the very least, to laugh with me. First, no introduction, he only walked in, yeah, I said walked in, the door was open because I was outside but he could have knocked and introduced himself. Walked across my living room onto my balcony and looked across the great view of the parking lots. Then announced he was ready and made his way to the door. I called to him, " Please, introduce yourself to me and let me look at your face." In the pick up of the chariot he drove, we almost became a tragic statistic from an auto intersection collision by a FIRE ENGINE that he didn't see or hear. Did I say a blind date? Since I was hesitant of this disaster waiting to unfold, I suggested lunch and not dinner. He didn't pull. out my chair, okay, I will let that slide. He took me to a buffet lunch, for a date! You are kidding me, I thought to myself. Then he continued to complain through the entire lunch about people he knew and the lack of dating possibilities, and let me quote an example. "Okay, so I haven't even kissed a girl in 17 years." He said without eye contact. The lack of eye contact was as consistent as the ideas I had of how the Road Runner would escape this situation if he were the Wiley Coyote. I could only assume and imagine (and I have a good imagination) that the rest of the date would be consistently as bad so after lunch at the "food lovers ignore their dates" buffet, I asked him to take me home. And so ends the blind lunch date of the complaining mis-communicator.
Stay tuned for the next battle in the war of whats left over.
Was married, or so I thought but life has a funny way of kicking you in the ass of your heart. So anyway, here I am dating again and some of my experiences were so bad, they would have been hilarious if it didn't happen to me. Well, they did and continue to if they didn't, I would be happily married to a tall, good looking sexy man who treated me like a princess and feeds me bonbons. A bit of lobster wouldn't be bad either. Now I eat frozen meals from my tiny ass apartment refrigerator. All alone standing at the kitchen counter.
Could I use a date? Hell yeah, a girl has to eat. Even better, I could use a valuable dating experience that turned into something better than just a attempt to ignore a hair covered mother's mistake that still lives in her basement.
Do you think you can stand to follow and read more, let me begin the trail of the debacle of my current dating experience.
My first blind date, oh yeah, I said it, BLIND-DATE. Normally, I would have declined such obvious bad idea, however, this truly was a blind date. No, the guy wasn't blind but the way he acted, he may as well have been. The call that started the catastrophe, I was told from the unrelenting side of the phone line, " The date has already been set up and the man already contacted. He is waiting for the confirmation call." "WHAT!?" I panicked in a shocked voice. "Why didn't you ask me first?" I spouted as I sprayed the phone receiver with the phlegm from my now gaping mouth. "... or even call me first?" Astounded but not surprised by the response I heard from the smiling voice, "If I would have asked you first, you would have said no."
Not to bore you with the phone call, let me begin to bore you with the boring date. I invented this blog not to entertain you but to make you suffer with me, or at the very least, to laugh with me. First, no introduction, he only walked in, yeah, I said walked in, the door was open because I was outside but he could have knocked and introduced himself. Walked across my living room onto my balcony and looked across the great view of the parking lots. Then announced he was ready and made his way to the door. I called to him, " Please, introduce yourself to me and let me look at your face." In the pick up of the chariot he drove, we almost became a tragic statistic from an auto intersection collision by a FIRE ENGINE that he didn't see or hear. Did I say a blind date? Since I was hesitant of this disaster waiting to unfold, I suggested lunch and not dinner. He didn't pull. out my chair, okay, I will let that slide. He took me to a buffet lunch, for a date! You are kidding me, I thought to myself. Then he continued to complain through the entire lunch about people he knew and the lack of dating possibilities, and let me quote an example. "Okay, so I haven't even kissed a girl in 17 years." He said without eye contact. The lack of eye contact was as consistent as the ideas I had of how the Road Runner would escape this situation if he were the Wiley Coyote. I could only assume and imagine (and I have a good imagination) that the rest of the date would be consistently as bad so after lunch at the "food lovers ignore their dates" buffet, I asked him to take me home. And so ends the blind lunch date of the complaining mis-communicator.
Stay tuned for the next battle in the war of whats left over.
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