Museums are a great past time for me which I thoroughly enjoy. I am a self proclaimed "museum junky" I like museums of all kinds. My love for museums is no secret and it is also on my dating profile. There are a million things that could be worse. Well, I was about to find out how a love for museums could back fire.
A date with a person that I have known through another person. I had met them a number of times through our common friend so I was able to trust this person's intent. So when he asked me out on a date, I accepted. He said that he wanted to go on a date that would not be "typical" but something I would enjoy. But, it was a surprise. Okay, I'm game. I enjoy taking new adventures and seeing something interesting.
He picked me up and told me to be prepared that it was a bit of a drive. "You are going to bring me home right?" I jokingly asked but was looking for the correct answer. He looked at me and said, "Yes, of course I am going to bring you home. I'm not going to leave you there." I smiled and said, "Just checking."
Later we stopped for a bite to eat, he was right, it was a long drive. So I knew he must be excited to take me to this place that he was "sure I would like". He was willing to take just about an entire day making plans and driving me all the way. I teased and asked him where he was taking me. Begging for little clues was finally beginning to break him down. The clues he gave me were, "Some place I probably hadn't gone to before", "A unique and interesting place", "A tourist attraction where people come from all over to see" I was beginning to get excited. "Come on, just tell me where it is." I protested with a smile on my face. He told me, "Last clue, I am taking you to a museum." Whoo hoo! I love museums. I was excited and satisfied with the last clue that we were going to a museum. I didn't need anymore clues, that was enough for me. If we were going to a museum, one, I probably have already been there and two, I would like to see a museum that I hadn't been to before. I sat quietly with a smile the rest of the trip. I enjoyed the scenery on the beautiful drive. Having been told that we were going to a museum, I was satisfied and didn't ask anymore questions.
What a surprise! And not a good one either. We got to the museum alright, The Museum and Fishing Hall of Fame. What the hell? A fishing museum?????? Come on. Is this a joke? Are there hidden cameras every where?! I'm on Candid Camera right?! Am I being punked? No? Are you sure? I'm not being set up on a practical joke? This is really the museum he thought I would like? :( I've been tricked! A fishing museum?! I want a new date, can I chose what's behind door number three instead? Awwww...man! Now I have to pretend to enjoy this so he doesn't feel bad.
Oh look, there is a big fish, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another, and another. How have I survived my entire life without having been here to the Fishing Hall of Fame? I guess now I have truly lived. (Not) Haven't I mentioned before that I hate fishing? I thought I did. Mmmmm....
There is even a big fish you can walk into. Well, this is a first! I have never in my whole life ever walked into the anus of a fish. You walk in its anus and you can stand inside of its mouth. Wait, it gets better. To leave, you go in the other direction. That's right! You walk through its mouth, down its throat and out its anus. Yes ladies and gentlemen, a real way to impress a woman on a date is to make her feel as though she has been pooped out by a giant fish! Now I know how my fish sandwich feels. It gives me a whole new perspective on Friday fish fry.
"So, what did you think?" he innocently asked me. I gave him a big smile and said, "No one has ever taken me to a fishing museum before. This is interesting."
I didn't lie. But he was so excited, I just couldn't break his heart. Plus, it was a long walk home.
Men: sometimes it's cute how dumb they are. Just like little puppies. They are so cute but they keep trying to hump your leg. Let's not even begin to discuss the whining they do. That they don't seem to grow out of that.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
Bowling boy
Okay, I did something I didn't want to do but I felt there was no choice. I went on a second date with bowling pin-head. There was no way around it, at least that is what I have been telling myself. He keeps sending me daily emails, bowling updates/scores, and inviting me to watch him bowl. Why would I ever want to do that? I thought the only way to get him to stop would be to go on another date with him and try to clarify that I do not have any interest in bowling. That was more of a challenge than I thought it would be. Some times, I am just too damn nice.
We met at a restaurant for a late lunch. He was so excited to tell me about his trip to Las Vegas for the big bowling tournament. I was so excited I could just spit. So while he told me about the trip and mostly what a debacle it actually turned out to be, without missing a beat was back on the conversation of his bowling schedule.
Lord help me to be patient even when the topic of bowling is constantly in the room.
His bowling schedule, the bowling schedule for his kids, (they also bowl) and he even told me the bowling schedule of his "soon to be ex-wife". WHY? "So everyone bowls?" I asked him. An obvious question hoping to bring it into perspective for him. He didn't find it odd at all, not even the tiniest bit unusual. FREAK! He still refers to himself with his "soon to be ex-wife" as "we". Okay, whatever, I can understand that is difficult habit to break. I even catch myself doing the same thing from time to time.
He told me that they (him and his wife) went furniture shopping together. That's kind of weird. He said that he was considering getting his own bed. So, that clearly means, he is not even separated from his "soon to be ex-wife". They are still together. So why is he trying to date other women? Some people are just so damn afraid to be alone for even a minute. I asked for a to-go box for the rest of my meal and told him I needed to get going. I knew he was pathetic from the very moment he expressed his life's ambition of bowling but I don't want to encourage his behavior. I prefer to leave him in the bowling alley, or any alley for that matter.
We met at a restaurant for a late lunch. He was so excited to tell me about his trip to Las Vegas for the big bowling tournament. I was so excited I could just spit. So while he told me about the trip and mostly what a debacle it actually turned out to be, without missing a beat was back on the conversation of his bowling schedule.
Lord help me to be patient even when the topic of bowling is constantly in the room.
His bowling schedule, the bowling schedule for his kids, (they also bowl) and he even told me the bowling schedule of his "soon to be ex-wife". WHY? "So everyone bowls?" I asked him. An obvious question hoping to bring it into perspective for him. He didn't find it odd at all, not even the tiniest bit unusual. FREAK! He still refers to himself with his "soon to be ex-wife" as "we". Okay, whatever, I can understand that is difficult habit to break. I even catch myself doing the same thing from time to time.
He told me that they (him and his wife) went furniture shopping together. That's kind of weird. He said that he was considering getting his own bed. So, that clearly means, he is not even separated from his "soon to be ex-wife". They are still together. So why is he trying to date other women? Some people are just so damn afraid to be alone for even a minute. I asked for a to-go box for the rest of my meal and told him I needed to get going. I knew he was pathetic from the very moment he expressed his life's ambition of bowling but I don't want to encourage his behavior. I prefer to leave him in the bowling alley, or any alley for that matter.
Lip reading speech problems
I went on a lunch date with a guy who has a speech impediment. I do wear hearing aids but I still rely heavily on lip reading. Trying to lip read a person with a lisp or speech impediment is probably more difficult than lip reading a person from the south with the ever so popular southern drawl. He sat across the table from me his tongue stayed at the roof of his mouth after each word or it was pressed to his teeth, making it difficult to see where words began and ended. I hate to nit pick but the ability to understand each other is vital.
After a while it became a little nerve racking so I was happy when our meals arrived at our table then he could stop talking and eat. It would be great if everyone knew sign language. lol
Communication is just too difficult with this guy. I won't even have to worry about his height. Yeah, he is about five inches shorter than me. I like tall men but ones that much shorter than me, that is just weird!
After a while it became a little nerve racking so I was happy when our meals arrived at our table then he could stop talking and eat. It would be great if everyone knew sign language. lol
Communication is just too difficult with this guy. I won't even have to worry about his height. Yeah, he is about five inches shorter than me. I like tall men but ones that much shorter than me, that is just weird!
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Things that should have been left behind
Dating sucks as any of you who read and follow this blog already know. I still haven't found the love of my life, the new man I would like to marry or even at the very least, I haven't even found my next ex-husband yet. lol But no one is so rich as to throw away a friend. Or so I read in the movies.
Through this, I have met someone who is getting close to that friend category. We just hang out sometimes but I can see perhaps a friendship beginning. After I returned from my trip during spring break, he took me out to dinner and we talked a bit more. It is still in the uncomfortable stage of the beginning. You know beginnings are always scary and endings are usually sad but its the part in the middle that counts.
Beginnings in new relationships whether it be a working relationship, a friend relationship, or a romantic relationship, the beginning is normally awkward because you are still learning a lot about each other. We all live on this big living breathing rock and we can't expand anymore so we have got to learn to seek what it truth and righteous only by that will we be able to come together. Until then, we are all just walking around bumping into cold emotional walls or hormonal lakes of sinking sand. It would be wise if we knew which of the two we were walking into before it was too late and we were already suffering the consequences of our blindness.
So now I had to go into the "I only like you as a friend" speech which is always uncomfortable; I think for everyone. But at least it is not the dreaded and pathological, "It's not you, it's me speech." How pathetic is that one? I must say it is hands down the most irrational and deranged oxymoron result with the least bit of tact that our modern society spew upon the dating culture. Yes, it is post-modern culture now, I am up with the times but even so, the hauntings of the recent past still loom if not only in our minds but in our television screens as well which by the way, our Y2K generation thinks it is totally original. Apparently no one has yet ventured or gotten around to telling them that they are just putting on the product of the bowels of the 1980's.
We couldn't wait for the 1980's to be over so we could party like it is 1999. Now it is 2010 and we still want to party like it's 1999. When they brought back the sequence T-shirts and the leg-warmers, let's all be thankful the stone washed jeans weren't right behind them. No matter how I denied it, I knew I was getting old when I heard Bruce Springsteen a.k.a. The Boss, being played on the oldies radio channel. Somethings just shouldn't be done and that is one of them. At least Billy Idol hasn't ever aged, he looks the very same now as he did 30 years ago. Thank you Billy Idol for giving us all hope.
Through this, I have met someone who is getting close to that friend category. We just hang out sometimes but I can see perhaps a friendship beginning. After I returned from my trip during spring break, he took me out to dinner and we talked a bit more. It is still in the uncomfortable stage of the beginning. You know beginnings are always scary and endings are usually sad but its the part in the middle that counts.
Beginnings in new relationships whether it be a working relationship, a friend relationship, or a romantic relationship, the beginning is normally awkward because you are still learning a lot about each other. We all live on this big living breathing rock and we can't expand anymore so we have got to learn to seek what it truth and righteous only by that will we be able to come together. Until then, we are all just walking around bumping into cold emotional walls or hormonal lakes of sinking sand. It would be wise if we knew which of the two we were walking into before it was too late and we were already suffering the consequences of our blindness.
So now I had to go into the "I only like you as a friend" speech which is always uncomfortable; I think for everyone. But at least it is not the dreaded and pathological, "It's not you, it's me speech." How pathetic is that one? I must say it is hands down the most irrational and deranged oxymoron result with the least bit of tact that our modern society spew upon the dating culture. Yes, it is post-modern culture now, I am up with the times but even so, the hauntings of the recent past still loom if not only in our minds but in our television screens as well which by the way, our Y2K generation thinks it is totally original. Apparently no one has yet ventured or gotten around to telling them that they are just putting on the product of the bowels of the 1980's.
We couldn't wait for the 1980's to be over so we could party like it is 1999. Now it is 2010 and we still want to party like it's 1999. When they brought back the sequence T-shirts and the leg-warmers, let's all be thankful the stone washed jeans weren't right behind them. No matter how I denied it, I knew I was getting old when I heard Bruce Springsteen a.k.a. The Boss, being played on the oldies radio channel. Somethings just shouldn't be done and that is one of them. At least Billy Idol hasn't ever aged, he looks the very same now as he did 30 years ago. Thank you Billy Idol for giving us all hope.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Bowling call with a spider
On the phone with the bowling pin-head getting the updates on his bowling scores and life in the bowling fast-lane. What is going on in the bowling world you ask? I don't know but if I gave a shit, I would definitely give it to this guy.
As I was talking on the phone, I looked up at the ceiling and low and be hold, a frickin' spider was sitting in the corner about five feet from me. I think it saw me looking at it too because it looked right at me. Damn it! I am thinking to myself, "RUN!" But I was on the phone with bowling guy. I had to have a phone date with him because he has been sending me so many emails. A sane woman can only handle so many emails of bowling up-dates, in fact, they were starting to make me insane. :p
I said to bowling boy, "Oh my gosh! There is a spider right on the wall!!!! I hate spiders!" Then you know as soon as I mentioned out loud the spider's presence was no longer a secret, that little bastard started running. That thing was running so fast like it was running on eight legs or something. I screamed, dropped the phone. Picked it up, jumped back, told bowling boy to hold on. I put the phone down and got a shoe. Not one of my high heels either, I learned from the last time. I went into the hallway outside of my apartment and got the biggest shoe I could find. I didn't care who's it was either. I came back and what do you know, it was hiding. Great! Now I am looking all over for it.
I picked up the phone and gave him the update of the imposing spider. Then my hair must have moved a little bit; I felt something tickle on my hand that I was using to hold the phone. I jumped, let out a little panicked scream, threw the phone down and neurotically brushed off my hands and arms, shook out my shirt, and tousled my hair with my head upside down to make sure the spider was not on me. Then I saw it on the wall. Okay so maybe I panicked just a little bit but you didn't see that spider!
I picked up the worn out shoe. I was apprehensive but determined. The spider was still for a moment but my mind was racing and the shoe was getting heavy. I was worried about my aim. I was now standing only two feet from the spotted speed demon. It was so arrogant, it took off. I jumped into action, I jumped back and stared talking to my self, "I can do this, I can do this." Now it was running down the wall so close I could SMACK it. Here goes, SMACK! Oh crap, I missed it and now it's gone. Ugh, why does this always happen to me??? Oh my gosh, it was hanging from the shoe by its web. I screamed again, hit it against the wall and it fell to the floor. It was still moving but not much, it was defiantly still alive but wounded, or so it wanted me to think. It probably was going to wait until I got close then jump up and say. "Gotcha!" I didn't give it the chance, I reached down and with all my might, I smashed that spider into the middle of next week! Then I returned the big over sized shoe to the hallway with the spider still attached. Wasn't my shoe! I certainly wasn't going to have a funeral for the spider.
I came back into my apartment and there on the desk was the phone. Ooops! I guess I forgot about that one little ever so tiny detail. I picked up the phone and brought it to my ear where I could hear tears of laughter. He was laughing so hard. I said with a coy voice, "I got it." He just continued to laugh as he asked, "All of that for a spider?!" I still had goose bumps from the whole ordeal. He had tears in his eyes he was laughing so hard. I definitely need to date someone who is better at handling situations like these. Any single exterminators out there?
As I was talking on the phone, I looked up at the ceiling and low and be hold, a frickin' spider was sitting in the corner about five feet from me. I think it saw me looking at it too because it looked right at me. Damn it! I am thinking to myself, "RUN!" But I was on the phone with bowling guy. I had to have a phone date with him because he has been sending me so many emails. A sane woman can only handle so many emails of bowling up-dates, in fact, they were starting to make me insane. :p
I said to bowling boy, "Oh my gosh! There is a spider right on the wall!!!! I hate spiders!" Then you know as soon as I mentioned out loud the spider's presence was no longer a secret, that little bastard started running. That thing was running so fast like it was running on eight legs or something. I screamed, dropped the phone. Picked it up, jumped back, told bowling boy to hold on. I put the phone down and got a shoe. Not one of my high heels either, I learned from the last time. I went into the hallway outside of my apartment and got the biggest shoe I could find. I didn't care who's it was either. I came back and what do you know, it was hiding. Great! Now I am looking all over for it.
I picked up the phone and gave him the update of the imposing spider. Then my hair must have moved a little bit; I felt something tickle on my hand that I was using to hold the phone. I jumped, let out a little panicked scream, threw the phone down and neurotically brushed off my hands and arms, shook out my shirt, and tousled my hair with my head upside down to make sure the spider was not on me. Then I saw it on the wall. Okay so maybe I panicked just a little bit but you didn't see that spider!
I picked up the worn out shoe. I was apprehensive but determined. The spider was still for a moment but my mind was racing and the shoe was getting heavy. I was worried about my aim. I was now standing only two feet from the spotted speed demon. It was so arrogant, it took off. I jumped into action, I jumped back and stared talking to my self, "I can do this, I can do this." Now it was running down the wall so close I could SMACK it. Here goes, SMACK! Oh crap, I missed it and now it's gone. Ugh, why does this always happen to me??? Oh my gosh, it was hanging from the shoe by its web. I screamed again, hit it against the wall and it fell to the floor. It was still moving but not much, it was defiantly still alive but wounded, or so it wanted me to think. It probably was going to wait until I got close then jump up and say. "Gotcha!" I didn't give it the chance, I reached down and with all my might, I smashed that spider into the middle of next week! Then I returned the big over sized shoe to the hallway with the spider still attached. Wasn't my shoe! I certainly wasn't going to have a funeral for the spider.
I came back into my apartment and there on the desk was the phone. Ooops! I guess I forgot about that one little ever so tiny detail. I picked up the phone and brought it to my ear where I could hear tears of laughter. He was laughing so hard. I said with a coy voice, "I got it." He just continued to laugh as he asked, "All of that for a spider?!" I still had goose bumps from the whole ordeal. He had tears in his eyes he was laughing so hard. I definitely need to date someone who is better at handling situations like these. Any single exterminators out there?
Friday, March 26, 2010
Physics, I'm better at chemestry
Everyone knows how not good with numbers and math I am. Did I mention that I have a Physics class this semester, a physics class at 8:00 in the morning that is. I hate that class! If I don't pass the class, I don't graduate this semester.
The professor is 80 something years old, from India, and blind in one eye. His accent is as thick as his inability to teach, which is pretty thick. No one understands him, even the hearing people in my class have trouble. The interpreters sometimes struggle, they tell me when he says stuff funny. If anyone asks him to clarify what he says, he just repeats himself. If no one understood it the first time, they surely didn't understand it the second time. People gave up asking questions, now he yells at the class for not asking questions. What a pain in the neck! I don't understand anything in that class and there were no prerequisites for either. My advisor at the university told me to take that class because it "is an easy class" which is not true at all. I am definitely regretting I took the class but there is no option of dropping the class so I am just hoping for a D just so I can graduate and move on with my life. Not that I know what I am going to do after graduation anyway but anything is better that sitting in that horrible class at 8:00 in the morning three days a week.
Okay so how does a beautiful woman like me get help with physics? I flirt of course, with a young guy in my class. So now I have a tutor twice a week. Usually we meet in a study lounge in school but recently we went out to lunch together on a "study date" I guess you could call it. It is weird, just about anything can be considered a date these days. We went to lunch and didn't talk much about physics. Sweet kid but he is 14 years my junior. I feel like a cougar. Rrrrwwwwoooowwwwwww......
He kept telling me, "That's not that bad." When I referred to how much younger he is than I. He is a musician, a composer. Cute, but it just seems weird to me because he is so much younger than I am. Anyway, I still need his help with the class so either way, I am still going to have him as a tutor for a while. I will just have to hold him at bay.
Although..., the thought of a younger man...hmmm. His hair is a little long, normally I prefer short hair but it looks good on him. He has a nice style of clothes and speaks well educated. We never have to try to think of something to say. I really don't want anything to become uncomfortable that makes it difficult for him to tutor me, because I need his help. Numbers are not my thing, unless it is phone numbers, I can always get phone numbers. lol
The professor is 80 something years old, from India, and blind in one eye. His accent is as thick as his inability to teach, which is pretty thick. No one understands him, even the hearing people in my class have trouble. The interpreters sometimes struggle, they tell me when he says stuff funny. If anyone asks him to clarify what he says, he just repeats himself. If no one understood it the first time, they surely didn't understand it the second time. People gave up asking questions, now he yells at the class for not asking questions. What a pain in the neck! I don't understand anything in that class and there were no prerequisites for either. My advisor at the university told me to take that class because it "is an easy class" which is not true at all. I am definitely regretting I took the class but there is no option of dropping the class so I am just hoping for a D just so I can graduate and move on with my life. Not that I know what I am going to do after graduation anyway but anything is better that sitting in that horrible class at 8:00 in the morning three days a week.
Okay so how does a beautiful woman like me get help with physics? I flirt of course, with a young guy in my class. So now I have a tutor twice a week. Usually we meet in a study lounge in school but recently we went out to lunch together on a "study date" I guess you could call it. It is weird, just about anything can be considered a date these days. We went to lunch and didn't talk much about physics. Sweet kid but he is 14 years my junior. I feel like a cougar. Rrrrwwwwoooowwwwwww......
He kept telling me, "That's not that bad." When I referred to how much younger he is than I. He is a musician, a composer. Cute, but it just seems weird to me because he is so much younger than I am. Anyway, I still need his help with the class so either way, I am still going to have him as a tutor for a while. I will just have to hold him at bay.
Although..., the thought of a younger man...hmmm. His hair is a little long, normally I prefer short hair but it looks good on him. He has a nice style of clothes and speaks well educated. We never have to try to think of something to say. I really don't want anything to become uncomfortable that makes it difficult for him to tutor me, because I need his help. Numbers are not my thing, unless it is phone numbers, I can always get phone numbers. lol
The Uniform always turns on
I had a date with a Navy recruiter. Uniforms always get me in trouble. You would think that I would have learned by now but there is just something about a uniform that is a huge turn on. He sent me the first email we met through one of the ridiculous dating sites that have "the ability and technology for the perfect match" but still want you to sign on and pay for a year membership.
We met for lunch not far from the office where he works. His photos online weren't anything to smile about so I wasn't to impressed with the photos but the profile and what he had to say was nice and made him more interesting. Let me inform you about the photos. None of them were in his uniform and in all of them he was dressed like a 14 year old boy wearing hats and hoodies and showing a couple of peace signs. These obviously did not impress me.
I arrived at the restaurant first and got a table not far from the door then I could watch him come in. I was really looking forward to seeing him in his uniform. Wow, when he walked in, I was pleasantly shocked. He looks nothing like the photos online. He is very cute and you know that uniform fits him just like they always fit in my dreams. I rose from the table and walked to him as he entered the restaurant. He looked at me with a big smile then announced to the host that he would be sitting with me that he already had a table. That is how he said it too.
We sat down at the table and he asked me how I was, five times. I told him, "You already asked me how I am five times." Then he very cutely replied, "I know, I'm sorry. You are more beautiful than your photos. I am a little nervous."
We both kept smiling at each other. I love a man in uniform. It usually gets me into trouble though. I probably should run when I see them but damn, I can't help it. It is a weakness I guess.
We tried to order our food, luckily I had been there before and ordered what I always order. He placed his order then we began to talk. He went into what I correctly assumed was his recruitment speech, talking about himself and how he joined the Navy and what a great opportunity it is for others. "Are you giving me your recruitment speech?" I asked him as I smiled and turned my head to one side. He smiled and turned a little red. "Sorry, I'm nervous and I automatically go into that because I say it so often as I talk to other people about joining the Navy." "It's okay" I told him.
Our food arrived and his nerves eased up on him a bit. I couldn't stop looking at him so cute in his sailor uniform. Then he asked me, "Do you always stare at people? Or is this something you are just doing now?" I started laughing, I told him that I was just looking at how cute he was and no, I don't normally stare at people."
I looked away and continued to eat my food while thinking to myself what a dork I am. lol
As we ate we talked about lots of different topics, likes, dislikes, travels, education, just about everything. Our date was about an hour and a half and it was difficult to leave but he had to go back to work. Both of us agreed that we would like to see each other again. We exchanged cell phone numbers and texts. I was leaving Portland in a few days so we chatted online.
What a dumb guy. He starts talking about sex and asking questions that are much too personal and non of his business. Sometimes I wonder if there really are any decent men out there. Time to say good bye to this guy.
We met for lunch not far from the office where he works. His photos online weren't anything to smile about so I wasn't to impressed with the photos but the profile and what he had to say was nice and made him more interesting. Let me inform you about the photos. None of them were in his uniform and in all of them he was dressed like a 14 year old boy wearing hats and hoodies and showing a couple of peace signs. These obviously did not impress me.
I arrived at the restaurant first and got a table not far from the door then I could watch him come in. I was really looking forward to seeing him in his uniform. Wow, when he walked in, I was pleasantly shocked. He looks nothing like the photos online. He is very cute and you know that uniform fits him just like they always fit in my dreams. I rose from the table and walked to him as he entered the restaurant. He looked at me with a big smile then announced to the host that he would be sitting with me that he already had a table. That is how he said it too.
We sat down at the table and he asked me how I was, five times. I told him, "You already asked me how I am five times." Then he very cutely replied, "I know, I'm sorry. You are more beautiful than your photos. I am a little nervous."
We both kept smiling at each other. I love a man in uniform. It usually gets me into trouble though. I probably should run when I see them but damn, I can't help it. It is a weakness I guess.
We tried to order our food, luckily I had been there before and ordered what I always order. He placed his order then we began to talk. He went into what I correctly assumed was his recruitment speech, talking about himself and how he joined the Navy and what a great opportunity it is for others. "Are you giving me your recruitment speech?" I asked him as I smiled and turned my head to one side. He smiled and turned a little red. "Sorry, I'm nervous and I automatically go into that because I say it so often as I talk to other people about joining the Navy." "It's okay" I told him.
Our food arrived and his nerves eased up on him a bit. I couldn't stop looking at him so cute in his sailor uniform. Then he asked me, "Do you always stare at people? Or is this something you are just doing now?" I started laughing, I told him that I was just looking at how cute he was and no, I don't normally stare at people."
I looked away and continued to eat my food while thinking to myself what a dork I am. lol
As we ate we talked about lots of different topics, likes, dislikes, travels, education, just about everything. Our date was about an hour and a half and it was difficult to leave but he had to go back to work. Both of us agreed that we would like to see each other again. We exchanged cell phone numbers and texts. I was leaving Portland in a few days so we chatted online.
What a dumb guy. He starts talking about sex and asking questions that are much too personal and non of his business. Sometimes I wonder if there really are any decent men out there. Time to say good bye to this guy.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Coffee cut short
A coffee date can be hard to screw up but it is amazing how easily someone can accomplish it. How difficult is it to sit at a doll size table, talk about meaningless things and then say good bye. How hard it that?
Apparently it is more difficult for some than for others. We met at the large coffee chain that I really hate, the name something like starbutt. He got incredibly over priced coffee and I had tea. We sat at the little table that was squeezed against the wall by large lurking advertising sign for the place we were already at.
Conversation began as always during an interval awkward date that is initiated by a over zealous horny teenage minded male who of course enjoys fishing. Only ten minutes into the feeble attempt at human interaction and conversation in a social atmosphere which my guess he hasn't successfully completed any time in the recent decade. He goes from the timid weather to asking, "When was the last time you had sex?" WOW! That is pretty damn gutsy to ask a woman from New York who has seen more muggings than a professional super hero. "That is none of your business!" I replied with damning eyebrows and a forceful smile. Then I continued on, "You don't even know me and you are already asking me about something personal. You have no consideration or tack. No wonder you are single and will probably will stay that way for along time." Then he actually tried to defend his question with, "Sorry if I offended you; I am just an open person." as if it were to make his rudeness acceptable by also being belligerent.
I thanked him for the tea and left.
Apparently it is more difficult for some than for others. We met at the large coffee chain that I really hate, the name something like starbutt. He got incredibly over priced coffee and I had tea. We sat at the little table that was squeezed against the wall by large lurking advertising sign for the place we were already at.
Conversation began as always during an interval awkward date that is initiated by a over zealous horny teenage minded male who of course enjoys fishing. Only ten minutes into the feeble attempt at human interaction and conversation in a social atmosphere which my guess he hasn't successfully completed any time in the recent decade. He goes from the timid weather to asking, "When was the last time you had sex?" WOW! That is pretty damn gutsy to ask a woman from New York who has seen more muggings than a professional super hero. "That is none of your business!" I replied with damning eyebrows and a forceful smile. Then I continued on, "You don't even know me and you are already asking me about something personal. You have no consideration or tack. No wonder you are single and will probably will stay that way for along time." Then he actually tried to defend his question with, "Sorry if I offended you; I am just an open person." as if it were to make his rudeness acceptable by also being belligerent.
I thanked him for the tea and left.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Grease and coffee
The plan was to meet at noon for lunch. He told me he would be coming from work so he would be wearing his work uniform. A blue shirt with his name written in blue thread on the left front shoulder. Good thing he told me because he didn't look like the photo online.
I arrived ten minutes early. I waited until 12:15 when I was thinking to give him another 5 minutes then I was planning to leave. All of a sudden he appears from the back of the restaurant with his check ready to pay. I said hi and asked, "Didn't we agree to meet at noon?" He said, Yeah, we did but I got here early." "Oh, okay. So then are you finished eating already?" I asked as I pointed to the check in his hand. "Yeah, but you can still eat. I will sit with you and have some more coffee." He was trying to be nice but I was uncomfortable and a little confused."
The not so exotic smell of grease and coffee retched through my nostrils as I tried not to flinch at the terrible smell as I looked over the menu. So many things to choose from and so many pretty pictures. Much nicer to look at than my date who pointed to his favorites on the menu. When he reached across the sticky maple syrup table, his gross, black grease stained poorly washed nail bitten fingers grossed me out. Just to get the moment rolling, I choose one of his suggestions and placed my order.
As I ate by myself, he told me a story about a friend of his that had a big snake and a big tarantula as pets. Then he continued on telling he how each one died and the guy had gloves, a belt, and boots made from the dead snake. His next choice of topic was even worse. He began telling me about every broken bone he has ever had and about the terrible motorcycle accident he was in but refused to go to the hospital. He said instead he went to a bar and poured shots of alcohol on the open wounds. He even went into detail about the open wounds, gravel inside of his skin, and pulling the torn skin off by himself. Did I mention the small little fact that I WAS EATING! gross. Why would you talk about that stuff on a first date and why would you tell anyone those stories while they are eating?!
At the end of the date, he pays the check and then asks me if I would like to go with him again. Are you kidding me?! I obviously didn't finish my lunch. I think his choice in conversation topics had a lot to do with that. Gross!
I arrived ten minutes early. I waited until 12:15 when I was thinking to give him another 5 minutes then I was planning to leave. All of a sudden he appears from the back of the restaurant with his check ready to pay. I said hi and asked, "Didn't we agree to meet at noon?" He said, Yeah, we did but I got here early." "Oh, okay. So then are you finished eating already?" I asked as I pointed to the check in his hand. "Yeah, but you can still eat. I will sit with you and have some more coffee." He was trying to be nice but I was uncomfortable and a little confused."
The not so exotic smell of grease and coffee retched through my nostrils as I tried not to flinch at the terrible smell as I looked over the menu. So many things to choose from and so many pretty pictures. Much nicer to look at than my date who pointed to his favorites on the menu. When he reached across the sticky maple syrup table, his gross, black grease stained poorly washed nail bitten fingers grossed me out. Just to get the moment rolling, I choose one of his suggestions and placed my order.
As I ate by myself, he told me a story about a friend of his that had a big snake and a big tarantula as pets. Then he continued on telling he how each one died and the guy had gloves, a belt, and boots made from the dead snake. His next choice of topic was even worse. He began telling me about every broken bone he has ever had and about the terrible motorcycle accident he was in but refused to go to the hospital. He said instead he went to a bar and poured shots of alcohol on the open wounds. He even went into detail about the open wounds, gravel inside of his skin, and pulling the torn skin off by himself. Did I mention the small little fact that I WAS EATING! gross. Why would you talk about that stuff on a first date and why would you tell anyone those stories while they are eating?!
At the end of the date, he pays the check and then asks me if I would like to go with him again. Are you kidding me?! I obviously didn't finish my lunch. I think his choice in conversation topics had a lot to do with that. Gross!
Friday, March 12, 2010
Bowling updates
The Bowling Pin Head keeps emailing me his bowling schedule and his bowling scores when he goes bowling. He invites me to every one of his bowling games. Ugh! Give me a break pal! He is leaving for his annual bowling trip to Los Vegas and he made sure to update me everyday on how the plan is coming along. Maybe someone should tell him that bowling is NOT exciting. How pathetic does life have to be to have the most exciting thing and only thing to talk about is bowling. Sure, it can be good exercise and maybe fun to enjoy with some friends and a few drinks well, maybe a lot of drinks. But for that to be the only conversation and interest wow, that is sad.
***
Have you ever seen the movie Shakes the Clown? It is an old movie with Bobcat Goldthwait. He wrote and stars in the movie of an alcoholic party clown who seems to always get himself in trouble but is helped out by his best friend (played by Adam Sandler). It is a funny movie with a serious twist but everything in the movie is clown related. For example, the pub they hang out in is called the Twisted Balloon. To get to the point, Bobcat Goldthwait's character has a girlfriend who is a "professional bowler" with a speech impediment. It is a good movie, go rent it.
***
Have you ever seen the movie Shakes the Clown? It is an old movie with Bobcat Goldthwait. He wrote and stars in the movie of an alcoholic party clown who seems to always get himself in trouble but is helped out by his best friend (played by Adam Sandler). It is a funny movie with a serious twist but everything in the movie is clown related. For example, the pub they hang out in is called the Twisted Balloon. To get to the point, Bobcat Goldthwait's character has a girlfriend who is a "professional bowler" with a speech impediment. It is a good movie, go rent it.
Arcade games and no touchy
The movie Avatar has been in theaters for sometime and has been doing very well. People who have seen it say it is really good. My date last night took me to see this movie and it was good but but I felt it to be longer than it needed to be. It was two and a half hours long, that is a long time to be sitting in a movie theater. I am not into the big chase scenes and the violence. I am sure that is to please the male factor in the audience. But other than that, it was good. The movie is an updated version of Pocahontas for the Y2K generation.
First the date started at a popular pizza and arcade place. He likes to play video games and it seems his intellect may not be any broader than that. We met there, I was starving since I had spent all day in the ceramics lab at school I didn't have time for lunch. The pizza was good too. :)
He may spend a lot of time playing video games at home but I kicked his but at air hockey and table soccer. It was good exercise playing those games for an hour. Another thing, part of the method to my madness was to keep him at a distance away. With him across a big game table he wouldn't be able to try and rub my back. *Shivers* Every chance he had, he would try to rub my back. If I walked next to him, he would reach over and rub my back and the same if I sat next to him. No touchy! I would intentionally walk fast so he couldn't do that. I also made sure not to initiate and physical contact like no hugging, no touching his hand or arm, no little punches to the shoulder, none of that. I could see he was handy enough and didn't want to encourage it. The theater had wide seats so I sat all the way to the other side of my seat to make sure there wasn't any chance of an arm being put around me.
Anytime I would say anything to start a conversation he would just say "Yup." Is that even a word? "Yup." "Yup." "Yup." That was his response to nearly everything. This guy is definitely from Wisconsin. No offence to you Wisconsinites reading this. But if you have dated a man from Wisconsin, then perhaps you know what I am talking about. I am sure he was probably just nervous though.
It was late, 10:30 by the time the movie was over. I went home and was surprised around 11:20pm when I received a phone call from the guy. He was "Just checking to make sure you made it home alright." That was nice because the weather was terrible. the fog was so thick driving home, it was like having Stevie Wonder drive.
First the date started at a popular pizza and arcade place. He likes to play video games and it seems his intellect may not be any broader than that. We met there, I was starving since I had spent all day in the ceramics lab at school I didn't have time for lunch. The pizza was good too. :)
He may spend a lot of time playing video games at home but I kicked his but at air hockey and table soccer. It was good exercise playing those games for an hour. Another thing, part of the method to my madness was to keep him at a distance away. With him across a big game table he wouldn't be able to try and rub my back. *Shivers* Every chance he had, he would try to rub my back. If I walked next to him, he would reach over and rub my back and the same if I sat next to him. No touchy! I would intentionally walk fast so he couldn't do that. I also made sure not to initiate and physical contact like no hugging, no touching his hand or arm, no little punches to the shoulder, none of that. I could see he was handy enough and didn't want to encourage it. The theater had wide seats so I sat all the way to the other side of my seat to make sure there wasn't any chance of an arm being put around me.
Anytime I would say anything to start a conversation he would just say "Yup." Is that even a word? "Yup." "Yup." "Yup." That was his response to nearly everything. This guy is definitely from Wisconsin. No offence to you Wisconsinites reading this. But if you have dated a man from Wisconsin, then perhaps you know what I am talking about. I am sure he was probably just nervous though.
It was late, 10:30 by the time the movie was over. I went home and was surprised around 11:20pm when I received a phone call from the guy. He was "Just checking to make sure you made it home alright." That was nice because the weather was terrible. the fog was so thick driving home, it was like having Stevie Wonder drive.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Cell phone call
A couple of weeks ago, a date was scheduled, the guy never called to cancel and he didn't show up. Oh well I thought to myself, no big deal, there are plenty more. I left it completely out of my mind.
Thant is until he called this week. He called me and apologized for not showing up and said he felt bad but it really was unavoidable. I could hear an echo in the back ground and asked, "Is that your phone, where are you because I can hear your voice echoing?" He replied, "Oh, I am in a room and it echos in here." He continued to go on letting me know that he was going to be gone and wouldn't be able to set up another date for awhile. I had no interest in dating him anyway so I just pretended to be nice.
I started hearing some men talking in the background of the phone. "Is someone talking to you? It is difficult for me to understand what you are saying with others talking in the background." I asked him. "No," he said, "It is just some guys waiting to use the phone." Then I joked, "What are you at a pay phone or something? Didn't they stop making those in the 1990's?" He ignored the comment and he didn't laugh. He just said, "I have to go but I wanted to call you." We said good-bye and hung up.
With an odd expression on my face and a strange feeling in my mind, I knew something was fishy. I picked up the phone and dialed automatic call back. I was bit alarmed to hear a recording on the number that I had dialed a pay phone at the county jail and no in coming calls were allowed. Holy crap! That guy better not call me again!
Thant is until he called this week. He called me and apologized for not showing up and said he felt bad but it really was unavoidable. I could hear an echo in the back ground and asked, "Is that your phone, where are you because I can hear your voice echoing?" He replied, "Oh, I am in a room and it echos in here." He continued to go on letting me know that he was going to be gone and wouldn't be able to set up another date for awhile. I had no interest in dating him anyway so I just pretended to be nice.
I started hearing some men talking in the background of the phone. "Is someone talking to you? It is difficult for me to understand what you are saying with others talking in the background." I asked him. "No," he said, "It is just some guys waiting to use the phone." Then I joked, "What are you at a pay phone or something? Didn't they stop making those in the 1990's?" He ignored the comment and he didn't laugh. He just said, "I have to go but I wanted to call you." We said good-bye and hung up.
With an odd expression on my face and a strange feeling in my mind, I knew something was fishy. I picked up the phone and dialed automatic call back. I was bit alarmed to hear a recording on the number that I had dialed a pay phone at the county jail and no in coming calls were allowed. Holy crap! That guy better not call me again!
Pre-birthday date
The day before my birthday I had a date with a really nice guy. He took me to one of my favorite restaurants, Japanese. It was on Saturday and I had never been there on a Saturday and probably will never go on a Saturday again. It was a two hour and 20 minute wait. Can you believe that?
When we finally did get to our table, it was a lot fun. The chef cooking with all of the flips and fancy vegetable cutting, tall fires and flipping shrimp tails in everyone's drinks.
My date told them that it was my birthday and they bring you a birthday cake that has "Happy Birthday" written on it in Japanese. Then they take your picture, put it in a card, and sing "Happy Birthday" in Japanese. The food was always oh so good! Eating the left-overs the next day is the second best part of eating dinner there. lol
Thank you young man. It was a lot of fun and I have a cool card to remember it by.
When we finally did get to our table, it was a lot fun. The chef cooking with all of the flips and fancy vegetable cutting, tall fires and flipping shrimp tails in everyone's drinks.
My date told them that it was my birthday and they bring you a birthday cake that has "Happy Birthday" written on it in Japanese. Then they take your picture, put it in a card, and sing "Happy Birthday" in Japanese. The food was always oh so good! Eating the left-overs the next day is the second best part of eating dinner there. lol
Thank you young man. It was a lot of fun and I have a cool card to remember it by.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Sad chuckles
The whole thing was just... I don't know where to begin. He called me, we had a short phone date. He speaks very quiet on the phone and a little bit slow. I could hear his nervousness clamor through the phone in his nervous chuckle that he seemed to do anytime there was a brief moment of silence or after finishing a sentence.
We met at one of his favorite restaurants. He was short and very closed in. You could see his shy and timid personality that out shined his portliness. He talked and walked with his head on a down angle most likely due to his shy timid demeanor.
The hostess began the long walk to our table and it was then that I noticed that the petite awkward man, took very small steps. Steps that made him appear that he was almost on the verge of stumbling forward which made him appear to be even more awkward. We sat at our table which compared to him was tiny. He ate like a starving animal. He was far finished before I even made it close to the half of my dinner. The plans were to have dinner then go see a movie. I would have liked to have ended the date after dinner but not because of anything terrible, but really it was a sad state and an uncomfortable situation.
It was sad really, it was like seeing a wounded deer. You're not sure if your should put them out of their misery of take them to a vet. Either way, you can't take them home. He obviously is strong and brave enough to ask women out on dates. So you have to give him credit there. Most men are big chicken shits that way.
He told me some sad stories about his life. You could easily see how socially inept he is. Which made it all the more obvious of his lonely state. Ugh, I felt so much pity for him. His nervous chuckle was getting hard to ignore. I am sure he probably didn't even realize he was doing it.
It was an uncomfortable and fast dinner I wanted to end the date. I truly did not want to add to anymore unfortunate moments in this guy's life.
We found the theater and looked around for seats. He didn't fit well in the seats, he kind of had to sit in on an angle. I felt even worse. We didn't have any conversation through the movie. The movie we saw was When in Rome it was funny. After the movie we were walking out "Maybe we could go for a drink or something." I smiled and said, "Thank you but no." He said that he really enjoyed it and hoped we can go out again sometime.
A little red cartoon devil popped up and sat on my left shoulder and said, "Don't do it. You are already uncomfortable. Don't do it, I know you're thinking about it." Then another little cartoon devil buddy of his popped up right next to him. He was in full agreement with the first rude cartoon. The second one said to the first in a much higher voice as if he were inhaling helium. "You know she will. Let's just see what happens." Then they looked on as if something terribly interesting was going to occur. Then on my right shoulder a little elf popped up. My internal mind just looked at him and said, "Hey, where is my shoulder Angel?" The little elf just looked at me and said, "I came instead, on behalf of your date." "Oh no, that's not fair." I said to the little elf who actually appeared to be made of plastic. He looked more like one of those little gnome's in an old woman's front lawn. You know the ones with the pick ax and the big smile on their face. They are supposed to be cute but the creepiness factor is definitely underestimated.
Then my date told me he had a really nice time. In my mind I can't understand why. I just took a deep breath and said with a half smile, "Sure, we can go out again some time." Again, I thanked him for the movie and dinner, shook his hand and wished him a safe drive.
As I walked back to my car those damn little cartoon devils jumped up and did a high five. Those little bastards! Then the elf looking gnome guy popped up again, still holding the pick ax in his hands says, "Well, I guess I won't be needing this." and disappeared. The little red cartoon devils with their little horns and pointy tails weren't going anywhere that quickly. They hung around for a bit laughing and poking fun at me.
Later that evening the guy sent me an email telling me what a great time he had on our date. I could only imagine the horrible dates he must have endured for this one to be considered a great time.
We met at one of his favorite restaurants. He was short and very closed in. You could see his shy and timid personality that out shined his portliness. He talked and walked with his head on a down angle most likely due to his shy timid demeanor.
The hostess began the long walk to our table and it was then that I noticed that the petite awkward man, took very small steps. Steps that made him appear that he was almost on the verge of stumbling forward which made him appear to be even more awkward. We sat at our table which compared to him was tiny. He ate like a starving animal. He was far finished before I even made it close to the half of my dinner. The plans were to have dinner then go see a movie. I would have liked to have ended the date after dinner but not because of anything terrible, but really it was a sad state and an uncomfortable situation.
It was sad really, it was like seeing a wounded deer. You're not sure if your should put them out of their misery of take them to a vet. Either way, you can't take them home. He obviously is strong and brave enough to ask women out on dates. So you have to give him credit there. Most men are big chicken shits that way.
He told me some sad stories about his life. You could easily see how socially inept he is. Which made it all the more obvious of his lonely state. Ugh, I felt so much pity for him. His nervous chuckle was getting hard to ignore. I am sure he probably didn't even realize he was doing it.
It was an uncomfortable and fast dinner I wanted to end the date. I truly did not want to add to anymore unfortunate moments in this guy's life.
We found the theater and looked around for seats. He didn't fit well in the seats, he kind of had to sit in on an angle. I felt even worse. We didn't have any conversation through the movie. The movie we saw was When in Rome it was funny. After the movie we were walking out "Maybe we could go for a drink or something." I smiled and said, "Thank you but no." He said that he really enjoyed it and hoped we can go out again sometime.
A little red cartoon devil popped up and sat on my left shoulder and said, "Don't do it. You are already uncomfortable. Don't do it, I know you're thinking about it." Then another little cartoon devil buddy of his popped up right next to him. He was in full agreement with the first rude cartoon. The second one said to the first in a much higher voice as if he were inhaling helium. "You know she will. Let's just see what happens." Then they looked on as if something terribly interesting was going to occur. Then on my right shoulder a little elf popped up. My internal mind just looked at him and said, "Hey, where is my shoulder Angel?" The little elf just looked at me and said, "I came instead, on behalf of your date." "Oh no, that's not fair." I said to the little elf who actually appeared to be made of plastic. He looked more like one of those little gnome's in an old woman's front lawn. You know the ones with the pick ax and the big smile on their face. They are supposed to be cute but the creepiness factor is definitely underestimated.
Then my date told me he had a really nice time. In my mind I can't understand why. I just took a deep breath and said with a half smile, "Sure, we can go out again some time." Again, I thanked him for the movie and dinner, shook his hand and wished him a safe drive.
As I walked back to my car those damn little cartoon devils jumped up and did a high five. Those little bastards! Then the elf looking gnome guy popped up again, still holding the pick ax in his hands says, "Well, I guess I won't be needing this." and disappeared. The little red cartoon devils with their little horns and pointy tails weren't going anywhere that quickly. They hung around for a bit laughing and poking fun at me.
Later that evening the guy sent me an email telling me what a great time he had on our date. I could only imagine the horrible dates he must have endured for this one to be considered a great time.
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