Okay, SWF 35, great smile and wonderful personality. So, why am I dating again at 35??? I am glad you asked because I was planning on telling you anyway.
Was married, or so I thought but life has a funny way of kicking you in the ass of your heart. So anyway, here I am dating again and some of my experiences were so bad, they would have been hilarious if it didn't happen to me. Well, they did and continue to if they didn't, I would be happily married to a tall, good looking sexy man who treated me like a princess and feeds me bonbons. A bit of lobster wouldn't be bad either. Now I eat frozen meals from my tiny ass apartment refrigerator. All alone standing at the kitchen counter.
Could I use a date? Hell yeah, a girl has to eat. Even better, I could use a valuable dating experience that turned into something better than just a attempt to ignore a hair covered mother's mistake that still lives in her basement.
Do you think you can stand to follow and read more, let me begin the trail of the debacle of my current dating experience.
My first blind date, oh yeah, I said it, BLIND-DATE. Normally, I would have declined such obvious bad idea, however, this truly was a blind date. No, the guy wasn't blind but the way he acted, he may as well have been. The call that started the catastrophe, I was told from the unrelenting side of the phone line, " The date has already been set up and the man already contacted. He is waiting for the confirmation call." "WHAT!?" I panicked in a shocked voice. "Why didn't you ask me first?" I spouted as I sprayed the phone receiver with the phlegm from my now gaping mouth. "... or even call me first?" Astounded but not surprised by the response I heard from the smiling voice, "If I would have asked you first, you would have said no."
Not to bore you with the phone call, let me begin to bore you with the boring date. I invented this blog not to entertain you but to make you suffer with me, or at the very least, to laugh with me. First, no introduction, he only walked in, yeah, I said walked in, the door was open because I was outside but he could have knocked and introduced himself. Walked across my living room onto my balcony and looked across the great view of the parking lots. Then announced he was ready and made his way to the door. I called to him, " Please, introduce yourself to me and let me look at your face." In the pick up of the chariot he drove, we almost became a tragic statistic from an auto intersection collision by a FIRE ENGINE that he didn't see or hear. Did I say a blind date? Since I was hesitant of this disaster waiting to unfold, I suggested lunch and not dinner. He didn't pull. out my chair, okay, I will let that slide. He took me to a buffet lunch, for a date! You are kidding me, I thought to myself. Then he continued to complain through the entire lunch about people he knew and the lack of dating possibilities, and let me quote an example. "Okay, so I haven't even kissed a girl in 17 years." He said without eye contact. The lack of eye contact was as consistent as the ideas I had of how the Road Runner would escape this situation if he were the Wiley Coyote. I could only assume and imagine (and I have a good imagination) that the rest of the date would be consistently as bad so after lunch at the "food lovers ignore their dates" buffet, I asked him to take me home. And so ends the blind lunch date of the complaining mis-communicator.
Stay tuned for the next battle in the war of whats left over.
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