Monday, February 3, 2014
Single again can you stand to read more?
So it has been three years and I find myself back here to post new blogs. I stopped going on dates because I started in a relationship with a man. Turns out, he DIDN'T stop dating. So here I am. Looking for a real relationship, where we only date each other. I would like to think things have changed since I have been writing about my misadventures but that doesn't seem to be the case. Wish me luck and say a prayer as I jump back into the dating mishaps and discombobulated public scene of singles' broken dreams. Of course, me being back on the market does answer other people's dreams...
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Video games and drinks???
The tales of bad dates I fear will continue on from the dawning of time to the end of the second coming. Well, probably even beyond that since after the second coming, life doesn't look like it is going to be any better but at least I won't be here for that.
Lunch date: travel time 45 minutes, with traffic and road construction, an hour and a half, older man with low maturity level and still lives at home with parents.
We met at a nice restaurant for lunch and as we looked over the menus he began with his tales of mishaps with law enforcement and his drinking and driving record. "Better not order anything with alcohol in it; I'm getting tested again soon and I want to pass this test." He exclaimed as I tried to focus at the task at hand, what to order and hoping the traffic was not going to be so ugly on the way home.
Then he continued on, "I am trying to lose some weight so I want to be careful what I eat." He really didn't need to lose any weight actually, he had a little bit of a belly but no body likes a scrawny guy. I told him that I thought he looked just fine. He order the French Dip with fries and later followed it up with an ice cream sundae. I like a guy who has a decent appetite. As the waitress took our order, he ordered first, traditionally and respectfully, the woman orders first or the man orders her meal first then his but I digress. He asked the waitress if the au jus contained alcohol. "Weird" I thought as my eyebrows lowered and I wondered to myself "How can a man live to be 40 years old and not know what au jus is?"
As we waited for our sandwiches we talked about things we enjoy, the standard conversation on a first date. He had a very nice smile and a twinkle in his eyes that didn't seem to be alcohol induced. He tells me that he is a "Gamer". Now for those of you who are not familiar with this term, a Gamer is someone who spends way too much time playing video games and most often is without a self respecting job and lives in their parents basement, who stereo typically are also particularly bad at social interaction. Historically, the term "gamer" usually referred to someone who played role-playing games and war-games. However more recently, the term has grown to include players of video games. While the term nominally includes those who do not necessarily consider themselves to be "gamers" (i.e., casual gamers), it is commonly used to identify those who spend much of their leisure time playing or learning about games. Hopefully that clears that up.
"Do you play any games?", he asked me. "I actually never really got into video games after the epidemic of Nintendo thumb. But, I do play a bit of Farmville." I replied. He was excited about that and smiled as he remarked, "Then you can relate and identify with me how much I like gaming." With a twist of my neck and a questioning tone I said, "Not really. There is a pretty big difference I think." And I continued to shake my head in agreement with myself.
The conversation then took a dive and he began a new topic that was just as disappointing to discuss but that didn't stop him from the train wreck he was making this casual afternoon lunch date.
He continued on, "I walked here, I don't live far. Since I lost my licence I can't drive and have to get a ride or take a bus to go see my PO." Wow really? I thought to myself as he quickly turned from just a socially inept lonely guy to sort of a wounded animal in my mind. Taken off guard, I simply said the only thing I could think of that wouldn't expose that I was full of pity for him, "Oh really, that must be a challenge."
As we ate our sandwiches and he made more dating mistakes, I couldn't get out of my mind that he ordered dessert too. This date was already taking so long, I think I have enjoyed getting a speeding ticket more than this. It was sad and sort of pathetic at the same time, I was almost feeling sorry for him but only a jack ass would drink and drive. So I felt the punishment fit the crime.
Oh and being in a state that is known for it's amount of rain, yes, you guessed, it began to rain. Dessert finally arrived and I was hoping the check would accompany it but no luck there. We had one of those inattentive waitresses that seemed to forget that we were on her list. I ordered the crème brûlée that shockingly was delivered to me still in the dish it was cooked in, plain without fruit. Very odd and strange I thought but when in Rome I guess. By the way, it didn't taste well at all. Sometimes, I wish I would have become a food critic. Someone has to warn people about debacles like these.
Speaking of debacles, back to the one that was sitting across from me. He completely enjoyed his ice cream sundae as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and a little hot fudge stayed in the corner of his mouth. Disappointed, I secretly wished I had ordered the ice cream sundae too. Probably the only good decision he made in the last hour and half.
Check arrives, great, time to go. We smiled at each other and I thanked him for lunch and told him, "You have a great smile and it definitely increases your face value." A bit cheesy I know but after that date, what else can one say? He smiled and said, "Thank you. It was nice to meet you and I hope we can get together again." We walked to the door and the rain poured down. I lowered my head then looked at him and asked, "Would you like a ride home?" "No, he said, I just live around the corner up the block." Then he pointed out the best way to get on the freeway and gave me a hug. Then turning with a friendly wave of his hand he disappeared into the rain and I ran to my car.
The maze of over passes, fly ways, by ways, and fly overs accompanied with after work rush hour made the journey home a rainy two hour and fifteen minute nightmare. I was happy to be home to relax in my favorite easy chair and play a little bit of Farmville. Who could use a drink?
Lunch date: travel time 45 minutes, with traffic and road construction, an hour and a half, older man with low maturity level and still lives at home with parents.
We met at a nice restaurant for lunch and as we looked over the menus he began with his tales of mishaps with law enforcement and his drinking and driving record. "Better not order anything with alcohol in it; I'm getting tested again soon and I want to pass this test." He exclaimed as I tried to focus at the task at hand, what to order and hoping the traffic was not going to be so ugly on the way home.
Then he continued on, "I am trying to lose some weight so I want to be careful what I eat." He really didn't need to lose any weight actually, he had a little bit of a belly but no body likes a scrawny guy. I told him that I thought he looked just fine. He order the French Dip with fries and later followed it up with an ice cream sundae. I like a guy who has a decent appetite. As the waitress took our order, he ordered first, traditionally and respectfully, the woman orders first or the man orders her meal first then his but I digress. He asked the waitress if the au jus contained alcohol. "Weird" I thought as my eyebrows lowered and I wondered to myself "How can a man live to be 40 years old and not know what au jus is?"
As we waited for our sandwiches we talked about things we enjoy, the standard conversation on a first date. He had a very nice smile and a twinkle in his eyes that didn't seem to be alcohol induced. He tells me that he is a "Gamer". Now for those of you who are not familiar with this term, a Gamer is someone who spends way too much time playing video games and most often is without a self respecting job and lives in their parents basement, who stereo typically are also particularly bad at social interaction. Historically, the term "gamer" usually referred to someone who played role-playing games and war-games. However more recently, the term has grown to include players of video games. While the term nominally includes those who do not necessarily consider themselves to be "gamers" (i.e., casual gamers), it is commonly used to identify those who spend much of their leisure time playing or learning about games. Hopefully that clears that up.
"Do you play any games?", he asked me. "I actually never really got into video games after the epidemic of Nintendo thumb. But, I do play a bit of Farmville." I replied. He was excited about that and smiled as he remarked, "Then you can relate and identify with me how much I like gaming." With a twist of my neck and a questioning tone I said, "Not really. There is a pretty big difference I think." And I continued to shake my head in agreement with myself.
The conversation then took a dive and he began a new topic that was just as disappointing to discuss but that didn't stop him from the train wreck he was making this casual afternoon lunch date.
He continued on, "I walked here, I don't live far. Since I lost my licence I can't drive and have to get a ride or take a bus to go see my PO." Wow really? I thought to myself as he quickly turned from just a socially inept lonely guy to sort of a wounded animal in my mind. Taken off guard, I simply said the only thing I could think of that wouldn't expose that I was full of pity for him, "Oh really, that must be a challenge."
As we ate our sandwiches and he made more dating mistakes, I couldn't get out of my mind that he ordered dessert too. This date was already taking so long, I think I have enjoyed getting a speeding ticket more than this. It was sad and sort of pathetic at the same time, I was almost feeling sorry for him but only a jack ass would drink and drive. So I felt the punishment fit the crime.
Oh and being in a state that is known for it's amount of rain, yes, you guessed, it began to rain. Dessert finally arrived and I was hoping the check would accompany it but no luck there. We had one of those inattentive waitresses that seemed to forget that we were on her list. I ordered the crème brûlée that shockingly was delivered to me still in the dish it was cooked in, plain without fruit. Very odd and strange I thought but when in Rome I guess. By the way, it didn't taste well at all. Sometimes, I wish I would have become a food critic. Someone has to warn people about debacles like these.
Speaking of debacles, back to the one that was sitting across from me. He completely enjoyed his ice cream sundae as his eyes rolled to the back of his head and a little hot fudge stayed in the corner of his mouth. Disappointed, I secretly wished I had ordered the ice cream sundae too. Probably the only good decision he made in the last hour and half.
Check arrives, great, time to go. We smiled at each other and I thanked him for lunch and told him, "You have a great smile and it definitely increases your face value." A bit cheesy I know but after that date, what else can one say? He smiled and said, "Thank you. It was nice to meet you and I hope we can get together again." We walked to the door and the rain poured down. I lowered my head then looked at him and asked, "Would you like a ride home?" "No, he said, I just live around the corner up the block." Then he pointed out the best way to get on the freeway and gave me a hug. Then turning with a friendly wave of his hand he disappeared into the rain and I ran to my car.
The maze of over passes, fly ways, by ways, and fly overs accompanied with after work rush hour made the journey home a rainy two hour and fifteen minute nightmare. I was happy to be home to relax in my favorite easy chair and play a little bit of Farmville. Who could use a drink?
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Lost man with no map.
A few dates with the same guy, oh, I was starting to like him. I should have been blogging about it but hey it turns out he already new about the blog and the books. He told me he was watching the blog to see what I really thought about him. Good thing he told me that before my internet got hooked up. lol
I hope not too many of them (single men) find out about the blogging and confessions of my bad dates, it could put me right in the singles Congo line dance forever.
Believe me, I thought about all of you and blogging about the moments of conversation and his hot-attitude but I have never seen such a hunky guy with such sexy lips and eyes that made me want to... well... perhaps that will be a whole new set of books. lol I wished one of you were there to witness but then again, I still might want to deny a few things. In fact, I already do. You know I have a thing for tall men! Tall, bald, and handsome, that's how I like them!
Since we are long over and not seeing each other anymore, I guess I can let you in on a few faults of his. He was clearly too busy, not very attentive, talked about his ex way too much, always on the phone, and damn if he wasn't the cutest 6'4" man with a smile to make me wanna fry up some grilled cheese sandwiches after sex. Oh, wait, that last one wasn't exactly a fault.
He lived an hour from me and since he had a young son that we agreed shouldn't know about me, Mr. make me smile and kiss me on the town would sneak me into his place after his son went to bed. I told him that if I had to crawl through the window, that was where I was drawing the line on the mini skirt. I don't like drawing on my clothes, ink is impossible to get out. It felt like I was 19 and not in a good way. I had to hide out from a 2 year-old. What a drag! That's a heck of a lot to go through just to talk and have tea.
We talked about a few things we had in common and some old neighborhood songs from the 1980's that neither one of us could believe the other knew. It helped with the shameful embarrassment we each surly must have had to confess we knew the lyrics and cadence of the songs not only from L.L.Cool J.,The Real Roxanne, UTFO, and the old time Beastie Boys. But we could confess it to each other.
Major issue with Mr. Fantastic, not completely honest and he said he liked to "debate". I think he just didn't like considering anyone beside him could be right about something or anything. Not something I can tolerate after the war I had already been through. Still have the purple heart from the last "Mr. Fantastic". However, after some training, this guy definitely had potential. Too bad a cult group got to him first and has him completely brain washed.
I noticed he was "off" and a little reluctant to discuss the topic of religion and God, then he let it slip that he attends a kingdom hall. Whoa! Hold the phone! "Are you a JW?" I asked him. Which he quickly and adamantly denied. Later the confession came out. I asked him, "Are you going to tell me next that you sell Amway?" I thought surely he was also going to confess that he was a democrat too but at least he was smarter than that. The JW thing, I told him that is the deal braker. I can not and will not date a JW. He went on to tell me that he is not a JW but has been through their training camps and he knows its wrong and blah blah blah but he still attends and associates with them. I made it clear that it was something that was not acceptable and if we were going to continue seeing each other, he has got to get his priorities straight. He didn't. He actually came to me and told me that he has been talking more with the JWs and they have been "dropping by" his house telling him that he shouldn't be with someone who isn't a JW, etc. and he knows how I feel so he said to, that he is going to continue to be involved in the cult and that he "still wants to be friends". No friends of mine are JWs!
He wasn't all bad though, I think he has a lot of good but it is going to take some humbling and education to get him on the right road and out of the clutches of the cult. It is frustrating to see someone who is intelligent to get so brain washed.
You know what's interesting? The last time we talked, he asked me, "You're not going to write any books about Jehovah Witnesses being bad are you?"
I wouldn't waste that much time on them.
I hope not too many of them (single men) find out about the blogging and confessions of my bad dates, it could put me right in the singles Congo line dance forever.
Believe me, I thought about all of you and blogging about the moments of conversation and his hot-attitude but I have never seen such a hunky guy with such sexy lips and eyes that made me want to... well... perhaps that will be a whole new set of books. lol I wished one of you were there to witness but then again, I still might want to deny a few things. In fact, I already do. You know I have a thing for tall men! Tall, bald, and handsome, that's how I like them!
Since we are long over and not seeing each other anymore, I guess I can let you in on a few faults of his. He was clearly too busy, not very attentive, talked about his ex way too much, always on the phone, and damn if he wasn't the cutest 6'4" man with a smile to make me wanna fry up some grilled cheese sandwiches after sex. Oh, wait, that last one wasn't exactly a fault.
He lived an hour from me and since he had a young son that we agreed shouldn't know about me, Mr. make me smile and kiss me on the town would sneak me into his place after his son went to bed. I told him that if I had to crawl through the window, that was where I was drawing the line on the mini skirt. I don't like drawing on my clothes, ink is impossible to get out. It felt like I was 19 and not in a good way. I had to hide out from a 2 year-old. What a drag! That's a heck of a lot to go through just to talk and have tea.
We talked about a few things we had in common and some old neighborhood songs from the 1980's that neither one of us could believe the other knew. It helped with the shameful embarrassment we each surly must have had to confess we knew the lyrics and cadence of the songs not only from L.L.Cool J.,The Real Roxanne, UTFO, and the old time Beastie Boys. But we could confess it to each other.
Major issue with Mr. Fantastic, not completely honest and he said he liked to "debate". I think he just didn't like considering anyone beside him could be right about something or anything. Not something I can tolerate after the war I had already been through. Still have the purple heart from the last "Mr. Fantastic". However, after some training, this guy definitely had potential. Too bad a cult group got to him first and has him completely brain washed.
I noticed he was "off" and a little reluctant to discuss the topic of religion and God, then he let it slip that he attends a kingdom hall. Whoa! Hold the phone! "Are you a JW?" I asked him. Which he quickly and adamantly denied. Later the confession came out. I asked him, "Are you going to tell me next that you sell Amway?" I thought surely he was also going to confess that he was a democrat too but at least he was smarter than that. The JW thing, I told him that is the deal braker. I can not and will not date a JW. He went on to tell me that he is not a JW but has been through their training camps and he knows its wrong and blah blah blah but he still attends and associates with them. I made it clear that it was something that was not acceptable and if we were going to continue seeing each other, he has got to get his priorities straight. He didn't. He actually came to me and told me that he has been talking more with the JWs and they have been "dropping by" his house telling him that he shouldn't be with someone who isn't a JW, etc. and he knows how I feel so he said to, that he is going to continue to be involved in the cult and that he "still wants to be friends". No friends of mine are JWs!
He wasn't all bad though, I think he has a lot of good but it is going to take some humbling and education to get him on the right road and out of the clutches of the cult. It is frustrating to see someone who is intelligent to get so brain washed.
You know what's interesting? The last time we talked, he asked me, "You're not going to write any books about Jehovah Witnesses being bad are you?"
I wouldn't waste that much time on them.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
New everything
It has been sometime since I have blogged, not that nothing has been going on but everything has been going on. I won't bore you with the details but I am back. Sorry for those of you that have missed me but thank you again for your emails.
I have moved to a new city, a new state, and even a new part of the country. When and where aren't important. During my absence, I hope you have been able to get the books that are now available. They will give you plenty to read in the meantime.
The simple point is that I am still single and STILL looking for the special right guy. Not another toad to add to the list of Lame Men and Bad Dates. I may be a princess but I am tired of kissing the endless, slime ridden, line of mouthy frogs and and feather brained lizards socks. This princess needs a prince before I turn into an impatient, untrusting, partial to pets instead of men, woman with a beehive, oh wait, I am half way there.
At least if there are not too many hunky men to look at, I certainly have beautiful scenery. My trusty dogs have joined me on the long journey however my trusty sidekick Theresa had to stay behind with her lame man, I mean lame husband, um, I mean her husband. We were always in the laughs. I guess I will have to be the lone star vagabond on the streets of love.
I have moved to a new city, a new state, and even a new part of the country. When and where aren't important. During my absence, I hope you have been able to get the books that are now available. They will give you plenty to read in the meantime.
The simple point is that I am still single and STILL looking for the special right guy. Not another toad to add to the list of Lame Men and Bad Dates. I may be a princess but I am tired of kissing the endless, slime ridden, line of mouthy frogs and and feather brained lizards socks. This princess needs a prince before I turn into an impatient, untrusting, partial to pets instead of men, woman with a beehive, oh wait, I am half way there.
At least if there are not too many hunky men to look at, I certainly have beautiful scenery. My trusty dogs have joined me on the long journey however my trusty sidekick Theresa had to stay behind with her lame man, I mean lame husband, um, I mean her husband. We were always in the laughs. I guess I will have to be the lone star vagabond on the streets of love.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Off with his Pumpkin head
After doing more research online and already having suspicion that he was married, even though I asked him, "Are you married?" and he said, "To my work, yes." I replied to him, "You know exactly what I mean." He eagerly said, "No."
Turns out that Pumpkin Head is married, a cheater, and a liar and probably more than that. There was evidence of a marriage but no evidence of a divorce. Hhmmmm....
I cut Pumpkin head loose. That of course is the obvious reason of him being so elusive. I stopped talking to him and stopped taking his calls. After about a week of silence from me, guess what happened.
***
Turns out that Pumpkin Head is married, a cheater, and a liar and probably more than that. There was evidence of a marriage but no evidence of a divorce. Hhmmmm....
I cut Pumpkin head loose. That of course is the obvious reason of him being so elusive. I stopped talking to him and stopped taking his calls. After about a week of silence from me, guess what happened.
***
Lizard tongue loser
I should know by know that any type of monster can hide behind a great smile. After all every car salesman has a great smile. It is like the smell of bait that is hanging in a live trap. Then the cage slams shut and you realize to yourself, "Damn, I fell for it again." This date is no exception to that very scenario.
He showed up late because he got lost, there were two turns he had to make and only made one. Already the neon light flashed "idiot" on his forehead. Actually, let's start there. He looked like he stepped out of a 1980's commercial ad for Nerf. His hair was a spiky flat top with the sides shaved around his ears. He was wearing not only a 1980's style pullover with buttons on the neck but he also had a 1980's T-shirt on underneath that with colored sleeves and rock washed jeans (remember those?). Another thing, he was way too skinny. Don't let me forget to tell you that he showed up with his own bowling ball, bowling bag, and matching bowling shoes. Oh no, not another one! Damn it!
As we walked into the bowling alley where he wanted to meet, AC/DC was on the intercom. I like 80's music, that was the only thing good about the 1980's. We went up to the bar to have a drink and a baseball game was on the big screen. Yay for me. I can at least have something interesting to look at. lol It was the brewers and the Cardinals. Brewers were ahead bottom of the 3rd. Then he starts talking about bowling. He tells me the most uninteresting story about how and when he bought his bowling ball. I quickly tuned him out and tried to keep focus on the baseball game.
When there was finally a long break of silence from him, I asked, "Do you like baseball?" He replied with a blunt, "No." Ummm, okay. FREAK! Then at his feeble attempt to appear interested in the baseball game I was clearly more interested in, he asks, "So which teams are playing?" Since the names of the teams are literally written on the front of the uniforms, I thought it was a dumb question. I replied, "The Brewers and the Cardinals" In which he said, "I saw a cardinal on my way to work the other day."
What does that have to do with baseball? Then looking at the large screen television the game was on he asked, "What does STL mean?" I truly wanted to get up and walk out right then and there. I looked at him and doing my damnedest not to be insulting or a smart ass, I informed him, "STL stands for St. Louis. That is the city where the Cardinals are from." "Oh, I get." He said shaking his damn fool head up and down like one of those bobbing head dogs in the back window of an early 1990's Lincoln.
He kept scooting his bar stool over closer to mine so his leg would be touching mine. Each time he would move over, I would move over. His chair... scoot, scoot, scoot, then mine, scoot, scoot, scoot. He really didn't get the hint. By the time we fished our drink, there was a big space from where his bar stool started to where it ended up. Idiot!
With a streak of luck, my phone vibrates. Praise the Lord, I have a way out. It is my new straight-gay-guy-friend. I am thinking, this is my ticket out of here. I tried to text him back but no response. I was hoping he would give me a reason to quickly end the disaster date I was on. I told the loser I was with, "Gee, I hope everything is alright. I don't know if my friend needs me." I continued to wait for another text from him but I waited in vein. So the date from bowling hell continued.
He bought two bowling games for each of us. Then began his bragging about what a good bowler he is. I told him, "Then I will be an easy win because I seem to never get up to a 100 on my score." No kidding, I really am that bad at bowling but that could be because I am not a loser and I have more important things to do with my life? I'm just saying. Each time he finished bowling his set, he would sit down next to me and graze my ass. The first seven or eight times I thought it was an accident. But after that, I'm like, what the hell?
Not far into our second game he points to the woman in the bowling thing right next to us and he tells me, "Watch her bowl once." Okay, I am thinking he is going to give me some tips on bowling. I was very wrong. He was going to give me a tip on what a scum bag he is.
The woman went up, bowled, knocked down about seven pins and then came back and waited for her ball to return. He asked me, "Did you see that?" "What?" I asked. Then he said with a smile on his face, "How far she spreads her legs when she put the ball down the ally." I was mortified! The common sense in me was telling me to run but instead of listening to common sense, I tried to be funny and jokingly said, "You just like looking at her ass!" He was not shy at all; he responded with, "Actually, I was looking at her boobs when she bends over." What the fuck?! This guy is a total scum bag, worse, he is the infection that feeds off the mold that grows on a bag of scum.
I wanted to hurrying up this game and get the hell away from this creep. The second game continued, I kept my distance from him and after the game was completed I quickly changed my shoes and ran through the directions for him to go back to what ever hole in the ground he came from. "Wait." He said as he went back to the bar and asked for a pen and paper. "What are you doing?" I asked impatiently. "I want to see our average scores from our games. We played two games and I want to see our averages." Idiot! Who cares! I waited and he told me each of our averages. Then I headed for the door.
He ran over to his car and threw his bowling bag and matching bowling shoes in the car. Oh, did I tell you he drives a Camaro? Give me a break! This guy was like a living ghost of the 1980's. Then he came over by my van where I was unlocking my door. I thanked him for the bowling games and the drink. He grabbed my head like a goalie grabs a soccer ball to stop a winning goal attempt. My head was in a death grip. I instinctively pulled my head back and as I did, he licked my mouth (thankfully my mouth was closed). UGH! that is F**king DISGUSTING! I got in my car, told him the directions to take to get the hell away from me. Then I left. I am so glad I didn't give him my phone number!
I must correct myself, he is the secretion that is released from the bowels of the infection that feeds off the mold that grows on a bag of scum.
He showed up late because he got lost, there were two turns he had to make and only made one. Already the neon light flashed "idiot" on his forehead. Actually, let's start there. He looked like he stepped out of a 1980's commercial ad for Nerf. His hair was a spiky flat top with the sides shaved around his ears. He was wearing not only a 1980's style pullover with buttons on the neck but he also had a 1980's T-shirt on underneath that with colored sleeves and rock washed jeans (remember those?). Another thing, he was way too skinny. Don't let me forget to tell you that he showed up with his own bowling ball, bowling bag, and matching bowling shoes. Oh no, not another one! Damn it!
As we walked into the bowling alley where he wanted to meet, AC/DC was on the intercom. I like 80's music, that was the only thing good about the 1980's. We went up to the bar to have a drink and a baseball game was on the big screen. Yay for me. I can at least have something interesting to look at. lol It was the brewers and the Cardinals. Brewers were ahead bottom of the 3rd. Then he starts talking about bowling. He tells me the most uninteresting story about how and when he bought his bowling ball. I quickly tuned him out and tried to keep focus on the baseball game.
When there was finally a long break of silence from him, I asked, "Do you like baseball?" He replied with a blunt, "No." Ummm, okay. FREAK! Then at his feeble attempt to appear interested in the baseball game I was clearly more interested in, he asks, "So which teams are playing?" Since the names of the teams are literally written on the front of the uniforms, I thought it was a dumb question. I replied, "The Brewers and the Cardinals" In which he said, "I saw a cardinal on my way to work the other day."
What does that have to do with baseball? Then looking at the large screen television the game was on he asked, "What does STL mean?" I truly wanted to get up and walk out right then and there. I looked at him and doing my damnedest not to be insulting or a smart ass, I informed him, "STL stands for St. Louis. That is the city where the Cardinals are from." "Oh, I get." He said shaking his damn fool head up and down like one of those bobbing head dogs in the back window of an early 1990's Lincoln.
He kept scooting his bar stool over closer to mine so his leg would be touching mine. Each time he would move over, I would move over. His chair... scoot, scoot, scoot, then mine, scoot, scoot, scoot. He really didn't get the hint. By the time we fished our drink, there was a big space from where his bar stool started to where it ended up. Idiot!
With a streak of luck, my phone vibrates. Praise the Lord, I have a way out. It is my new straight-gay-guy-friend. I am thinking, this is my ticket out of here. I tried to text him back but no response. I was hoping he would give me a reason to quickly end the disaster date I was on. I told the loser I was with, "Gee, I hope everything is alright. I don't know if my friend needs me." I continued to wait for another text from him but I waited in vein. So the date from bowling hell continued.
He bought two bowling games for each of us. Then began his bragging about what a good bowler he is. I told him, "Then I will be an easy win because I seem to never get up to a 100 on my score." No kidding, I really am that bad at bowling but that could be because I am not a loser and I have more important things to do with my life? I'm just saying. Each time he finished bowling his set, he would sit down next to me and graze my ass. The first seven or eight times I thought it was an accident. But after that, I'm like, what the hell?
Not far into our second game he points to the woman in the bowling thing right next to us and he tells me, "Watch her bowl once." Okay, I am thinking he is going to give me some tips on bowling. I was very wrong. He was going to give me a tip on what a scum bag he is.
The woman went up, bowled, knocked down about seven pins and then came back and waited for her ball to return. He asked me, "Did you see that?" "What?" I asked. Then he said with a smile on his face, "How far she spreads her legs when she put the ball down the ally." I was mortified! The common sense in me was telling me to run but instead of listening to common sense, I tried to be funny and jokingly said, "You just like looking at her ass!" He was not shy at all; he responded with, "Actually, I was looking at her boobs when she bends over." What the fuck?! This guy is a total scum bag, worse, he is the infection that feeds off the mold that grows on a bag of scum.
I wanted to hurrying up this game and get the hell away from this creep. The second game continued, I kept my distance from him and after the game was completed I quickly changed my shoes and ran through the directions for him to go back to what ever hole in the ground he came from. "Wait." He said as he went back to the bar and asked for a pen and paper. "What are you doing?" I asked impatiently. "I want to see our average scores from our games. We played two games and I want to see our averages." Idiot! Who cares! I waited and he told me each of our averages. Then I headed for the door.
He ran over to his car and threw his bowling bag and matching bowling shoes in the car. Oh, did I tell you he drives a Camaro? Give me a break! This guy was like a living ghost of the 1980's. Then he came over by my van where I was unlocking my door. I thanked him for the bowling games and the drink. He grabbed my head like a goalie grabs a soccer ball to stop a winning goal attempt. My head was in a death grip. I instinctively pulled my head back and as I did, he licked my mouth (thankfully my mouth was closed). UGH! that is F**king DISGUSTING! I got in my car, told him the directions to take to get the hell away from me. Then I left. I am so glad I didn't give him my phone number!
I must correct myself, he is the secretion that is released from the bowels of the infection that feeds off the mold that grows on a bag of scum.
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