Friday, August 14, 2009

Blue roof and bad credit

A wise decision I discovered long ago was to try to have the first date a lunch date. That way if you quickly discover that you made a mistake going out with Prince Not-So-Charming, you can get out of there quickly. If you decide to make a second date, then it can be a dinner date. Now guys, I know you think you have some control in deciding if there will be a second date but put your egos aside, this one is on us. The lunch date has proven to be more and more effective, however, I do not advise having a lunch date and a dinner date all in the same day.

Out of towner asks for a date then suggest a restaurant here in my town. Only by chance or maybe bad omen does he chose my least desirable place in town. Out of hundreds of restaurants, he picks this one. How does he come to the decision of that one restaurant? Why he chose it by the color of the roof of course! Why would anyone be so silly as to choose a place to eat by the taste of the food? Especially when there are so many pretty roofs out there!

While dining at this less than impressive establishment, you can choose to eat in doors or out doors. He didn't think to ask me which I would prefer before he quickly informed the hostess that we will be dining outside. Outside, in a very hot August with humidity of a thousand decrees, by the river (which was nice) and the seagulls flying over head. Lets not forget the band that plays outside. So not only do I have to worry about the seagulls, but since the band is so loud, I turn off my hearing aids and must fully rely on lip reading. Ugh! I am pretty sure he is not going to say anything interesting anyway.
As we are looking over the menu, he actually looks over the menu to me and says, "Tell me, will we be splitting the check?" "What was that?" I replied, absolutely sure I did not understand what he said. Again he asks, "Will we be splitting the check together?" He did not just say that! I smiled at him and just "no". First of all, if you can not afford to by lunch for two people, don't ask a girl out. Second, don't pick the restaurant by the color of the roof. And third, while looking at the menu trying to decide what to order, is the tackiest time to ask a date to split the check! Good golly! Be a man and pay the check. It is only sandwiches for lunch, not lobster! After the sandwiches arrive to our table, he unrolls his silverware from the cloth napkin, sets the napkin aside (instead of putting it on his lap), then asks the waitress for napkins. She politely points to the napkin from which his fork has come. He then asks, "Don't you have any paper napkins?"
She informs him they do not. Because I am polite, I only smiled and kept my comments to myself, until now that is. But some how, I don't think he would be reading this blog. We begin with having a drink, and to spend the next hour with this guy, I think I will need it.
Once the sandwiches come to the table, we each begin to eat. I ask him, "How is your food?" "good, and yours" he replies. "Fine, thank you.", was my reply. As we quietly eat and I am trying to think of what excuse I will use to get out of there quickly, he leans my way and says, "Can I ask you a question?" Very quickly I hold my smart ass self back from saying, 'you just did', I simply say, "sure". He asks my, "Can I have a some of your pickle?" Are we in a Vlasic pickle commercial? I see the cameras but I thought those were for the restaurant. With my right hand, I point to the pickle on his plate and say, "You do have a pickle right there, and it is the same as mine. But if you would still like my pickle, you are welcome to it." Then he says, "oh" and takes a bite out of the pickle after plucking it from his plate. THEN, as I am eating, he just reaches over to my plate and begins snatching my fries, without asking. "If you would like some fires, I am sure the waitress will gladly bring you some." "No, I am trying to eat healthier. That is why I ordered the coleslaw.", he says. That was his reason. Oh right, what was I thinking? Again, trying to keep my smart ass comments to myself and some of you know just how difficult that can be for me, especially at that very moment.

Focus, ...focus, I silently coach myself. 'Let him have the fries and just finish your sandwich' I tell myself. After we finish our lunch, the waitress brings the check. He lets it sit at the table and starts talking to me. I can not understand everything he is saying, only a few words so I jump ahead and thank him for the lunch, in an attempt to get him to pay the bill so we can leave. More importantly so I can leave, I don't really care if he stays or not. He finally retrieves his wallet from his backside and places a credit card in the paying folder for the restaurant. Upon the waitresses return with the check and credit card, she informs him that his card has been declined. He then gets another credit card from his wallet, hands it to the waitress and says, "Try this one and see if it will work."

At this point, I am in shock and trying to not make it so obvious. Suddenly, I am aware of every muscle in my facial structure and its movement. I am trying to look 'normal' and not mortified or shocked or, I don't know, I was at a loss for words, imagine that. lol The second card did accept the charge. Upon leaving the restaurant, I thanked our waitress and the hostess, then thanked him for the lunch. He walked with me through the parking lot and began a conversation, after a five or eight minutes I again thanked him for the lunch and told him I need to get going. He gave me a hug and let me know it was a pleasure to go out with me and that he really liked my smile. If he only knew it was holding back tears of laughter, he probably wouldn't have liked it so much. Then he began talking, again... I slowly started backing up to go to my car but he was not quick on the hint and continued talking. So I thanked him again and said "Have a great day.", and went to my car. That was the end of that.

Believe me, I was happy to get out of there. Men should have to carry around a little computer chip that we women can put in the computer and see all of their qualities, good and bad, and comments left by their previous dates, a little comment section from school and family. Oh why not, even a little area where we can grade them on a scale from one to five. Information on their good and bad habits would also be nice. That would be technology that I would make sure to know how to use. But I am sure if that miracle did come to pass, a lot more guys would not be reproducing and we may ruin the chance for a woman in the future to go on a date to a restaurant with a pretty roof.

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