Being single

Everyone knows that I'm single. And I gotta tell ya, some days its great and some days it's a b**ch. Ladies, you know those days when it snows and you have to clean off your car. Yeah, that's when it sucks to be single. Right? Outside in 20 below weather and dusting off the top of your car, you can't see so your eyes are wide open in the blinding snow and sun, then the wind blows snow in your face. I'm only 5'8" so not that tall. I can't see on the top of my mini-van. (yeah that's right, I drive a mini. Many guys do too but only not everyone can see theirs.) I am little concerned as I reach up there to get the snow, that one day I am gonna pull something down that's not supposed to be there, like more snow, old leaves, or the dead body of that b*tch my ex cheated on me with. I think its up there pretty secure but still, you gotta wonder.

I remember one time I was cleaning out my car and was like,"What the hell is that?!" My ex-husband's moldy hearing aids. Don't even 'Ohhh...' on that. He doesn't need 'em. He never listens anyway. At least he never listened to me. "Don't cheat one me. Stop lying to me. Stop making me sleep on the couch. Stop cheating on me! Stop lying to me!"

Funny how men never listen to their spouses but if someone else tells them the exact same thing, then they listen, they think its a good idea, and and then tells you about it. Then they say to you, "But you didn't say it like they did." What, with a different face? I said it the same way, in fact, "I am the one who told them to tell you so you would actually listen." Yeah, I've done that. You have to make men think that it was their idea before they will actually do it. He'd come from work and be like, "I'm gonna take your car in to get the oil changed and then take it to the car wash." I pretend to act surprised, "Oh, great, thank you so much." Then I would email his friend from work with a thank you and a nude photo. Just kidding, my web came broke a long time ago.

Its tough being single these days. If I am on a date, usually it is a nice dinner or something to eat that's not frozen. At home, if I have food, it comes from a can or a window. I haven't cooked in so long, I gonna have to change my profile on the dating site. From, "Likes to cook" to "would like a cook". Cause then, breakfast in bed would be more than bread crumbs. It's like Hansel and Gretal got lost in my bedroom. I wake up in the afternoon with birds all over.