Bowling boy

Okay, I did something I didn't want to do but I felt there was no choice. I went on a second date with bowling pin-head. There was no way around it, at least that is what I have been telling myself. He keeps sending me daily emails, bowling updates/scores, and inviting me to watch him bowl. Why would I ever want to do that? I thought the only way to get him to stop would be to go on another date with him and try to clarify that I do not have any interest in bowling. That was more of a challenge than I thought it would be. Some times, I am just too damn nice.

We met at a restaurant for a late lunch. He was so excited to tell me about his trip to Las Vegas for the big bowling tournament. I was so excited I could just spit. So while he told me about the trip and mostly what a debacle it actually turned out to be, without missing a beat was back on the conversation of his bowling schedule.

Lord help me to be patient even when the topic of bowling is constantly in the room.

His bowling schedule, the bowling schedule for his kids, (they also bowl) and he even told me the bowling schedule of his "soon to be ex-wife". WHY? "So everyone bowls?" I asked him. An obvious question hoping to bring it into perspective for him. He didn't find it odd at all, not even the tiniest bit unusual. FREAK! He still refers to himself with his "soon to be ex-wife" as "we". Okay, whatever, I can understand that is difficult habit to break. I even catch myself doing the same thing from time to time.

He told me that they (him and his wife) went furniture shopping together. That's kind of weird. He said that he was considering getting his own bed. So, that clearly means, he is not even separated from his "soon to be ex-wife". They are still together. So why is he trying to date other women? Some people are just so damn afraid to be alone for even a minute. I asked for a to-go box for the rest of my meal and told him I needed to get going. I knew he was pathetic from the very moment he expressed his life's ambition of bowling but I don't want to encourage his behavior. I prefer to leave him in the bowling alley, or any alley for that matter.

Lip reading speech problems

I went on a lunch date with a guy who has a speech impediment. I do wear hearing aids but I still rely heavily on lip reading. Trying to lip read a person with a lisp or speech impediment is probably more difficult than lip reading a person from the south with the ever so popular southern drawl. He sat across the table from me his tongue stayed at the roof of his mouth after each word or it was pressed to his teeth, making it difficult to see where words began and ended. I hate to nit pick but the ability to understand each other is vital.

After a while it became a little nerve racking so I was happy when our meals arrived at our table then he could stop talking and eat. It would be great if everyone knew sign language. lol

Communication is just too difficult with this guy. I won't even have to worry about his height. Yeah, he is about five inches shorter than me. I like tall men but ones that much shorter than me, that is just weird!

Bowling call with a spider

On the phone with the bowling pin-head getting the updates on his bowling scores and life in the bowling fast-lane. What is going on in the bowling world you ask? I don't know but if I gave a shit, I would definitely give it to this guy.

As I was talking on the phone, I looked up at the ceiling and low and be hold, a frickin' spider was sitting in the corner about five feet from me. I think it saw me looking at it too because it looked right at me. Damn it! I am thinking to myself, "RUN!" But I was on the phone with bowling guy. I had to have a phone date with him because he has been sending me so many emails. A sane woman can only handle so many emails of bowling up-dates, in fact, they were starting to make me insane. :p

I said to bowling boy, "Oh my gosh! There is a spider right on the wall!!!! I hate spiders!" Then you know as soon as I mentioned out loud the spider's presence was no longer a secret, that little bastard started running. That thing was running so fast like it was running on eight legs or something. I screamed, dropped the phone. Picked it up, jumped back, told bowling boy to hold on. I put the phone down and got a shoe. Not one of my high heels either, I learned from the last time. I went into the hallway outside of my apartment and got the biggest shoe I could find. I didn't care who's it was either. I came back and what do you know, it was hiding. Great! Now I am looking all over for it.

I picked up the phone and gave him the update of the imposing spider. Then my hair must have moved a little bit; I felt something tickle on my hand that I was using to hold the phone. I jumped, let out a little panicked scream, threw the phone down and neurotically brushed off my hands and arms, shook out my shirt, and tousled my hair with my head upside down to make sure the spider was not on me. Then I saw it on the wall. Okay so maybe I panicked just a little bit but you didn't see that spider!

I picked up the worn out shoe. I was apprehensive but determined. The spider was still for a moment but my mind was racing and the shoe was getting heavy. I was worried about my aim. I was now standing only two feet from the spotted speed demon. It was so arrogant, it took off. I jumped into action, I jumped back and stared talking to my self, "I can do this, I can do this." Now it was running down the wall so close I could SMACK it. Here goes, SMACK! Oh crap, I missed it and now it's gone. Ugh, why does this always happen to me??? Oh my gosh, it was hanging from the shoe by its web. I screamed again, hit it against the wall and it fell to the floor. It was still moving but not much, it was defiantly still alive but wounded, or so it wanted me to think. It probably was going to wait until I got close then jump up and say. "Gotcha!" I didn't give it the chance, I reached down and with all my might, I smashed that spider into the middle of next week! Then I returned the big over sized shoe to the hallway with the spider still attached. Wasn't my shoe! I certainly wasn't going to have a funeral for the spider.

I came back into my apartment and there on the desk was the phone. Ooops! I guess I forgot about that one little ever so tiny detail. I picked up the phone and brought it to my ear where I could hear tears of laughter. He was laughing so hard. I said with a coy voice, "I got it." He just continued to laugh as he asked, "All of that for a spider?!" I still had goose bumps from the whole ordeal. He had tears in his eyes he was laughing so hard. I definitely need to date someone who is better at handling situations like these. Any single exterminators out there?

Bowling updates

The Bowling Pin Head keeps emailing me his bowling schedule and his bowling scores when he goes bowling. He invites me to every one of his bowling games. Ugh! Give me a break pal! He is leaving for his annual bowling trip to Los Vegas and he made sure to update me everyday on how the plan is coming along. Maybe someone should tell him that bowling is NOT exciting. How pathetic does life have to be to have the most exciting thing and only thing to talk about is bowling. Sure, it can be good exercise and maybe fun to enjoy with some friends and a few drinks well, maybe a lot of drinks. But for that to be the only conversation and interest wow, that is sad.

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Have you ever seen the movie Shakes the Clown? It is an old movie with Bobcat Goldthwait. He wrote and stars in the movie of an alcoholic party clown who seems to always get himself in trouble but is helped out by his best friend (played by Adam Sandler). It is a funny movie with a serious twist but everything in the movie is clown related. For example, the pub they hang out in is called the Twisted Balloon. To get to the point, Bobcat Goldthwait's character has a girlfriend who is a "professional bowler" with a speech impediment. It is a good movie, go rent it.

Bowling pin-head

I thought fishing was the worst thing but now it seems that fishing has some competition of how bad of a conversation it can be. Bowling! Tonight I was on a date with a man that eats, sleeps, lives, and talks non-stop about bowling. Guys, please, get a life! He is on two leagues, not just one, that wouldn't be enough, he is on two, twice a week. He showed me his bowling ring that he keeps shinny with heroic pride. A ring for bowling? I thought the basketball and football rings were dumb but a ring for bowling?! Funny how men are never so excited to show off their wedding rings! He told me the ring is to show that he had a perfect game, knocked down all the pins. I should have told him to spare me the details. You get it spare. lol

Oh, and he has this little Clark Gable mustache and the haircut to match. I bet Clark Gable never bowled or fished. Tonight was a piece, he goes bowling, fishing, and camping, everything I try to avoid. The way he was talking and carrying on I thought he was a few balls short of a bowling game. He told me all about his very own ball, shoes, and matching bag. Sounds gay to me.

He told me he goes to Nevada every year for vacation. Finally, something other than bowling. "Really, that's cool. Do you have friends or family that you visit there every year?" I asked him. He looked at me stunned and said, "NO. There is a big bowling tournament there every year." Oh, stupid me, what the hell was I thinking?!

Another thing that was really annoying, as if I need more. He would constantly respond to comments with the same thing, "Yeah right.", "Yeah right.", "Yeah right.", "Yeah right.", "Yeah right.", "Yeah right.". Like a broken record. Occasionally he would throw in a "Yup." Seriously, do people really talk like that? "Yup." "Yeah right."

Isn't it funny how men talk about women but every sport is always for some fashion accessory. Superbowl, they try all season to go to Superbowl, and what is their reward, a ring. Wrestling, men beat and tie each other in knots for a belt. And don't even get me started on boxing, how gay is that? Two men oiled up wearing silk shorts, gloves, and fighting over a belt! What are they fighting in, a ring and they have to have their embroidered robes with their names on. And I thought women in malls were rough. Good thing there are no sales in sporting games, it would end up in war.

There is an arm brace on my right arm because I sprained it. He asks, "What happened to your arm?" I said, "I sprained it power lifting." In amazement he repeated, "Power lifting, really?" Then I replied, "No, but it is a better story than saying I fell off a bar stool when I was out with my friends on Sunday."

Back to short stop. We met at a pub for dinner and drinks. The pub serves basic pub food, burgers, pizza, that sort of thing. The food was okay, nothing to write home about. Yeah, I called the guy 'short stop' because he was so much shorter than me. I am only 5'8", I towered over him as if I was six foot. He was said he was 5'5" but like all men, they brag more about the few inches they don't have then to tell you about the disappointing ones they do have.