Velcro

Velcro, that is what this guy was like. This weekend I met a guy at a pub. We decided to meet there because it is a public place and he likes pubs I guess. He showed up in his striped button down shirt and plaid flannel coat. Terrible.

Anyway, we started by talking and having a drink. Before I know it his bar stool is getting closer and closer to mine. Then his knee is touching mine and I am thinking, "Is this guy going to pee on my leg or something?" I try to be casual and move back when I thought he wasn't looking. Suddenly his hand goes to my shoulder to make a statement as he is talking. Before you know it, his hand is on my leg. I politely excused myself to the ladies room. It is the only thing I could think of fast just to move.

When I came back I moved my bar stool away from him a bit so they weren't right next to each other. He was talking to the bar keeper. I couldn't hear what they were talking about very well but all of a sudden, he says, "This is my girlfriend." Whoa, don't jump the gun buddy, especially before it is out of the case. I just shook my head no and told the barkeeper we just met tonight. The keeper looked at me and gave me that all telling look like he has seen this before.

He kept bragging about how much he can drink and telling retched stories about events that occurred while he was drunk, some he did remember and some he didn't. I couldn't help but ask myself, "What is this guy thinking and why is he telling me this?" My mind began to wonder, how did I meet this person and end up on a date with him in the first place?

The guy just keeps putting his hand on me and his arm around me, trying to stare in my eyes and smile. These things are cute if you have been dating someone for a while but if you just met the person, I gotta tell you, it's creepy. I'm telling you this guy was like Velcro, static cling or something. One thing I did notice, he doesn't brush his teeth nearly enough. I'm telling Santa that this guy needs a case of Colgate for Christmas.

If it was just him and me in the pub, it would have been crowded. I wanted to crawl out of the cesspool that is his personality. No one likes a bar fly. He was like a bar squid with arms and tentacles all over, all over me. Yuck! I jumped up animatedly and stated, "I just remembered that I have to do something in the morning!" I thanked him for the drinks and apologized I could not stay. I practically galloped to the door before he had a chance to let it register in his lumpy head that I was leaving.

My mini van was shimmering in the moon light, I was happy to be driving away from that train wreck waiting to happen. Good thing I never gave him my number, that I would have regretted.