Sunday morning the phone rings, it is Theresa "Carrie, your laptop is ready. What are you doing?" I reply, "Nothing why, what are you doing?" "We are at a bar and soon we are going to another place for chicken, you should come with us." Theresa was saying as a familiar voice called out in the background of the phone. It was our old buddy Hooker.
Now, don't be confused with a drugged out most likely female with one broken high heel and a rip in her pantyhose that when undressed is a male that stands on street corners looking for the next high. No, this is the infamous "Hooker". This nickname derived from taking part of his last name and adding letters to it to make it more embarrassing for him, after all, that is the American way! lol
Gee, this all sound like a great time. "What time are you meeting down there?" I asked. Hooker replied before Theresa could even say anything, "What time is it now?" Hooker asked. "Tell him it is eleven thirty." I said as I laughed to myself.
"Then we will be there at noon." They all agreed.
I met them there, the place was so far off the map, I had to kiss a local just to get directions. The place was packed, apparently they have good food. We sat at the bar, talked, laughed, had a few drinks, had a few more drinks, I rubbed Hooker's belly, had a few more drinks, forgot where I was, ate some chicken, and had another drink. Then I rode with Theresa and her bottom half, um I mean her husband. lol To the next pub. Which by the way, was filled with old people and one of my professors.
Theresa's husband is so nice, to protect his identity, we will call him "Ron-stop-able". Very nice guy, great smile. IF he was close to my age, a lot taller at least 6'5", had a muscular build, was better looking, was wealthy, lived in a metropolitan area, dressed nicer, had a some-what of a tan (now he looks like he should be living in a haunted house), if he could cook, and NEVER went fishing, I would want one just like him. lol
Now, let me explain a little bit about my good buddy Hooker. He is a tall almost handsome man...emphasis on the almost part. lol He has a belly like Buddha but instead of it being covered in gold, his is covered with hair. I rub his belly over his shirt. Rubbing his belly really is good luck. Every time a rubbed it, there was another drink in front of me. Wow, I should get a travel size one for in my purse. Minus the hair of course. I was getting so drunk (normally I do not drink so it didn't take much) I told Hooker that he had to write the next morning's blog for me because I wouldn't be able to remember the events of the day. But nothing showed up in my email yet. lol He told me the funniest joke while we were at the pub...if only I could remember what it was. It was so funny,...what was that?
*** (Read the joke)
Have I told you that Theresa is my P.I.C.? You know, my partner in craziness. When we are separate, we are almost normal, great, fun loving, happy-go-lucky, gorgeous women but when we get together, we are all of that and then some. If laughing was a diet, I would be the skinniest woman around. The world is a party when Theresa is there. We could have fun in a dentist office or even dare I say, the DMV. She makes me laugh so hard, she is a really good friend.
By the way, just for the record, it is her fault that this blog exists. The whole thing was her idea. So when you are laughing so hard that your drink sprays out your nose, she is the one to blame.
It all began when I would go visit with her after bad dates looking for a little comforting, some sympathy, and some kindness from a women's sense of solidarity. I expected her to say, "There are plenty of fish in the sea. Don't worry, Prince Charming is out there. etc." That is what I expected to hear from my best friend. But no, what did I get? Laughter. She would laugh so hard at my expense at my experiences with these horrible dates. She said that it was so funny, that everyone would laugh and that I should have a blog. I looked at her and said, "Thanks a lot! What is a blog?" I also told her, "I'm not a writer, I am an artist." She turned to her computer and 32.5 seconds later, she says, "Here, this is your new blog address." and a legend was born. Theresa, all the world thanks you.
***
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